


It Just Happened

by ZephyrusZ



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-02-22 08:08:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2500700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZephyrusZ/pseuds/ZephyrusZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't know. It just happened." </p><p>Those words were the honest truth. </p><p>Izaya pretends to be afraid of Shizuo, unprepared for the consequences. Shizaya</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This is a story of a twisted relationship.

This is a story –

Of love twisted into hatred –

And hatred twisted into love.

 

 

  
"I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING PAY UP, DIDN'T I?!"

"V-Vending machine?!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo!"

"WAHHHHHHHHH! I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

"Please don't hurt him!"

A woman was sobbing despairingly in front of the Monster of Ikebukuro.

"Akira…Akira has been working so hard-right dear-"

A gasp left her lips as the man turned and ran.

"Akira?! Akira where are you going?!"

"He's getting away."

Tom observed with a sigh.

"Tom-san, if I may…"

"Sure, just don't kill him okay?"

Shizuo didn't reply, merely put down the vending machine, then dashed off after the man.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING COWARD!"

The man ran and ran, but he was no match for Shizuo, who was used to chasing someone who could run much faster than him.

He gasped as he was yanked back by the collar, and was met with a furious expression on the Monster of Ikebukuro's face.

"I hate violence. I don't want to use it if I can help it, and since you have a woman, you better stop running away like A FUCKING COWARD AND COME BACK AND PAY YOUR FUCKING DEBT, DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

Fierce brown eyes from behind sunglasses glared at the man as if their owner was ready to kill him on the spot.

"Y-YES!"

The man's voice was shrill in fright.

"Good."

Shizuo exhaled. He turned and dragged the man back to where his colleague and the woman were.

"Akira!"

The woman gasped, rushing to the man.

"Akira! Are you alright?! Why did you run away?!"

"I was scared…!"

The man sobbed, burying his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry!"

"Oh it's alright dear. I know you did what was best, we'll get through this together!"

"Kimiko…"

"All's well that ends well."

Tom commented with a smile as he extended his hand.

"Now will you pay up?"

The man nodded miserably, still looking at Shizuo in fear.

"Let me go! You bitch-"

A blonde woman turned and slammed the man's head hard against the wall, knocking him out. With the man now unconscious, she picked him up by the back of his shirt and dragged him along to where her colleagues were.

"The retrieval of his accomplice is complete. Regret I feel for Tanaka-sempai has not allowed me to exterminate him, to prevent him from escape, however an unconscious body will suit our purpose, I declare."

"Ah..."

Tom blinked. He gave a smile.

"Though that was a little violent, it's good that you captured him, Vorona."

Vorona gave a nod, and dropped the man's body.

Shizuo was glad that he was not the only one who had to use violence, which meant that it was necessary for the situation.

Because he hated violence, and he especially hated the one who made him use it -

"Haha! Ahahahaha!"

 

The air suddenly stank to Shizuo.

It had stunk before, but he had thought it was some trash from the nearby alleyway.

"Ahhh, I was just walking along, watching my beloved humans, and who should I encounter but a monster amongst them?"

The cigarette between Shizuo's lips bent in half.

"That man was so desperate you know, he was so scared, that expression on his face was gorgeous!"

That voice which grated on his nerves continued, and Shizuo's patience snapped in half like the cigarette.

"And that was when a monster grabbed him -"

The cigarette fell to the ground.

"IZA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Shizuo grabbed the vending machine he had put down before, eyes flashing with rage behind his sunglasses.

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO DIDN'T I?!"

"So it's a vending machine again this time?"

A black haired male wearing a coat with fur trimmed on its edges smirked, eyes glinting at the enraged man in a bartender suit.

Shizuo was so angry that he could only get one word out.

"Tom-san."

"Ah."

Tom said. He sighed, but waved a hand.

"Go ahead, Vorona and I can handle this from here. Right, Vorona?"

"…Affirmative."

Vorona shook herself out from her excitement at seeing such strength from the man she had sworn to kill. Had she not had such control over herself, her body would have been trembling in anticipation.

"Thanks."

People watched and gasped in fright as a vending machine flew through the air, and a loud yell pierced the air –

"IIZAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAA!"

Izaya dodged it easily, laughed, then turned and ran.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING FLEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Sorry Shizu-chan, but I'm not a masochist, I don't want to be hurt by such a beast."

As he said this, Izaya tossed an evil grin over his shoulder. He flipped onto the signpost thrown at him and using it as leverage, used it to leap up to a telephone pole – and jumped to the next one before Shizuo could tear it down.

"STOP HOPPING LIKE A FLEA YOU FUCKING FLEA!"

"Maybe I will, if you stop rampaging like a monster!"

Izaya laughed as he jumped down to the ground, narrowly missing the vending machine thrown so hard it dismantled the telephone pole, causing it to crash onto the ground amidst frightened screams -

But Izaya's attention was not on his humans - not when there was a monster chasing him.

"But that's impossible for Shizu-chan, right?"

He laughed as he tore through the crowd which dispersed for him, with the monster in hot pursuit.

Screams of fear resounded in the air as people scrambled to get out of the way of the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro.

"I-ZAAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAA! STOP RUNNING AWAY AND LET ME KILL YOU! THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT – APPEARING IN FRONT OF ME AND MAKING ME USE THIS VIOLENCE I HATE?!"

"Maybe in Shizu-chan's dreams."

As he said these taunting words meant to enrage the monster of Ikebukuro further, Izaya threw a knife and backflipped onto the wall of a building. He gave a taunting smirk to match his words, then spun on his centre of gravity with his foot, and ran up the wall.

Shizuo charged up the wall with the parkour skills he had learned by chasing the man whom he had deemed as a flea –

"YOU DIE TODAY, IZAYAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Izaya howled with laughter as he jumped from building to building, running too fast for the monster behind him to catch. He looked down, and jumped off, landing on a traffic light and causing surprised gasps. He gave a grin to the humans he loved, before he heard a yell of his name and quickly leapt off, dashing across the road as the green light was flashing.

He laughed in amusement as Shizuo chased after him – and the vehicles on the road screeched to a halt -

"Hey Shizu-chan, even cars which cause so much accidents are scared of a monster like you! Shizu-chan really is a monster after all! Everyone and everything fears him!"

"EVERYONE EXCEPT YOU!"

Shizuo yelled, ripping off a signpost from the ground with one hand. He grinned crazily.

"SO GET BACK HERE SO I CAN ERASE YOUR SHITTY EXISTENCE FROM IKEBUKURO!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya grinned widely, snickering as he dashed through the streets of Ikebukuro.

"Then doesn't that mean if Shizu-chan kills me he'll become a real monster?! HOW AMUSING THAT WOULD BE! Maybe I should just let Shizu-chan kill me? HAHAHAHA! But that wouldn't be any fun at all!"

"YES YOU HAVE FINALLY COME TO YOUR FUCKING SENSES SO STOP FLEEING LIKE A SHITTY FLEA AND LET ME KILL YOUUUUUUUUUU HUH, IZAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?"

As Izaya sidestepped another vending machine, a thought came to him:

_\- Even though I'm not going to let a monster kill me, what would happen if everyone feared him?_

_\- Shizu-chan said I'm the only one who doesn't fear him…_

An excited grin was on Izaya's face as he flung knives, which sliced through the metal of the signpost thrown at him and headed towards the monster, who caught them and crushed them in brutal hands -

Hand, since Shizuo's other hand was already occupied by another signpost, and Izaya smirked in amusement at the "WARNING" sign.

It didn't take long for that "WARNING" sign to fly through the air.

Izaya dodged it, and continued running away, grinning in barely suppressed, twisted excitement as he allowed the new idea to form in his mind.

"Iiiii-ZAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

-  _What would happen, indeed…_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have the first arc done, which is about four chapters (split into parts), a prelude and interlude. I'll post a chapter or a part of a chapter if it's too long, every week except for next week which will be a busy week for me.


	2. Chapter 2

  **BOREDOM IS THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP**

 

**Somewhere in Ikebukuro**

 

"So, the next one's this man who works in a game store. Hm, I don't think he's that bad of a guy, so try to go easy on him. He isn't dangerous."

These words were said to the dangerous duo behind him.

"Easy…show mercy. Procession complete…mercy justified."

Vorona's face had her usual emotionless expression and only the blinking of her blue eyes indicated she had just spoken.

"That's good to hear, Vorona."

Tom said, used to the Caucasian woman's strange way of speaking. He turned to his other kouhai.

"Shizuo?"

"Yeah…."

"You okay, Shizuo?"

"Yeah."

Shizuo said in the same distracted tone. He sniffed.

"Just, something stinks."

"Ahhh…."

Tom said, smiling wryly.

"I see…"

Vorona's nose wrinkled.

"To process any scent, I am unable."

"Neither am I. But anyway-"

"…!"

"…Shizuo?"

Feeling an angry aura coming from the blond man, Tom turned, following Shizuo's gaze.

_Oh man…_

Tom thought, for there, walking amongst the crowd, was Orihara Izaya.

"Tom-san. Pardon me, but I have to go and get rid of the bad smell."

Shizuo's voice was unnaturally calm as he pushed his sunglasses up. His tone to his sempai was polite and respectful, but it was without a question.

But some would say it was scarier seeing the personification of violence speaking calmly than yelling like a beast.

"Admirable it is, for Shizuo-sempai to recognize his prey by scent. To master such a useful technique, I am lacking."

Vorona did not seem to be aware of the dangerous aura around Shizuo, but inside, she was shivering with excitement at Shizuo's killing intent. Shizuo was unaware of this as he was unknowing of her identity as the woman whom he had wanted to crush the helmet of.

And because his gaze was zeroed in on the man he had deemed as the flea, whom the masked woman who had attacked him with a knife had reminded him of.

Vorona had deduced such with the information Shizuo had given her about Orihara Izaya.

"Vorona…"

Tom sighed.

"Yeah. It's not that I want to smell him, but he's such an annoying, stinky, shitty flea…"

Those were the last coherent words, for it seemed Shizuo could no longer control his anger. He snatched the cigarette away from his lips and crushed it under his foot.

"Tom-san…"

Shizuo managed with only spikes of held back anger in his still calm tone.

"Sure, sure…"

And with that Shizuo was gone, his calm façade shattered by a bellow of the name that had resounded in the streets of Ikebukuro for continuing years.

"I-ZAAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Tom just shook his head, a hand to his forehead.

"He really hates that guy, huh?"

As she watched Shizuo disappear into the distance, Vorona responded.

"Affirmative."

Her voice would have been emotionless had it not held the slightest bit of envy.

 

 

Panic swirled in screams in the air as they heard the Monster of Ikebukuro's familiar roar.

"Iiii-ZAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"It's Heiwajima Shizuo!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo's HERE!"

The people in the crowd scattered in fright as if they were facing an army and not a single man, leaving a single man in the blond man's view.

"How many times…"

There was no vending machine or signpost nearby, but he was standing next to a guardrail, and creaking sounds of impending danger sounded as Shizuo lifted the heavy metal into his hands -

"HAVE I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO, FUCKING FLEAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!"

The sound of metal being ripped resounded in the air, and a grin was on the man in the bartender suit's face as he held the heavy metal as if it was a weapon.

"HUH, IZA-YAAAAAAA?!"

As if in slow motion, the black haired man turned. He blinked, and Shizuo was about to throw the heavy metal that could kill a person at him, when a yell froze him in his tracks.

"Get away from me!"

"…Huh?"

Shizuo's brain stopped working for a moment.

But it soon started working again, for that anger was soon filling him again -

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!"

Shizuo yelled back, glaring at Izaya who was not behaving like Izaya –

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE, BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS…ALWAYS….! SO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND DIE ALREADY!"

"I SAID STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Izaya screamed back, stepping rapidly back away from Shizuo.

"YOU MONSTER!"

"….."

The guardrail fell from Shizuo's hands as he saw an emotion he never thought he would see in the flea's expression -

It was so unbelievable that Shizuo took his sunglasses off and stared into Izaya's face again.

Fear. It was still there.

"I don't want to die, so just stop chasing me already! You're just a monster whom everyone is afraid of!"

Those words jolted Shizuo from his stunned state. Anger the likes of which he had never felt before and something else he could not recognize consumed him -

"SHUT UP!"

If looks could kill, Izaya would be a bloody splat on the floor. Unfortunately for Shizuo, that 0.00000000000000000000675% chance of being able to kill someone with looks was not working at the moment.

"YOU FUCKING FLEA!"

He snatched up the guardrail and threw it with a yell of rage. Izaya dodged it and it hit the telephone pole behind the black haired male, causing it to rattle and be uprooted from the ground, swaying as it was unbalanced from its centre of gravity -

Izaya was staring at Shizuo in fear, so Shizuo didn't notice the impending incident until he tore his gaze away from the flea's face in irritation and caught sight of the unstable telephone pole –

"Oi, Izaya!"

"Huh?"

Had Shizuo's reaction been quicker, had Izaya been aware of the danger, perhaps the following incident would not have happened –

For before he could even think, Shizuo was rushing towards Izaya and the falling metal telephone pole –

And Izaya was looking up with wide eyes, his body moving away –

But having been paying attention to each other, their reactions were too slow, Shizuo moved fast enough to take the brunt of the impact on his head, shoving Izaya out of the way, but the metal still impacted Izaya's wrist, and he was too caught off guard to prevent a cry of pain, as the metal wires sliced his skin.

Izaya fell onto the ground, and Shizuo pushed one hand against the telephone pole, as blood trailed down from the wound on his head, in rivulets down his face.

The telephone pole falling had caused a domino effect, causing the other telephone poles connected to it to collapse, inciting screams of panic as people fled to avoid the falling metal structures.

But Shizuo was not aware of the accident he had created. He was not aware when the telephone pole behind him crashed against the back of his head, causing blood to pour out. All he was aware of was the fallen figure on the ground.

"Are…you okay?"

It was the only thing he could think of to say.

Groaning in pain, Izaya stumbled shakily to his feet, clutching his bruised wrist, blood leaking from the wounds on his arms. He exhaled heavily.

"I think…my wrist is broken."

The telephone pole couldn't seem to stand back in its original position, so Shizuo let it fall and crash onto the ground. He walked towards Izaya, causing the telephone pole that had crashed into the back of his head to fall over the other telephone pole, as he held out his hand.

"Let…me see it."

"NO!"

Izaya screamed so loud Shizuo's foot froze in mid-step. He backed away from Shizuo, eyes wide.

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY, DIDN'T I?! Didn't I, Heiwajima Shizuo?!"

Shizuo's hand dropped.

"Izaya…"

Izaya gave a dry laugh, a pained grimace on his features.

"You unpredictable monster…would you even look at yourself – you just got hit on the head and you're not affected at all! There's so much blood on your face! Disgusting."

Izaya spat, his eyes narrowing further with his next words -

"You look like a real monster!"

Shizuo turned his head to avoid Izaya's accusing gaze, and promptly found himself staring back at him from a shop window.

Izaya was right. His head was injured pretty badly, and blood was dripping down, down his face and onto the ground. He had taken his sunglasses off, and his wide brown eyes stared back at him in surprise.

 _I…really look like a monster,_  He raised his hand, placing his hand on the wound on his head –  _Just how hard did that metal hit my head?_

Shizuo turned, to look at the flea, who was clutching his injured wrist with a grimace on his features.

"Izaya-"

Izaya snapped his gaze to him, giving him a cold look that squeezed something inside Shizuo's chest.

"Don't. I'm leaving. Don't you dare come chasing after me, Heiwajima Shizuo."

Cradling his wrist, Izaya sprinted away, leaving Shizuo alone with his own monstrous reflection.

Blood dripped onto the floor silently.

_Drip._

_Drip._

_Drip…_

 

**Twenty minutes later, outside an upscale apartment building on Kawagoe Highway**

"Ahhh…he just had to knock down that telephone pole, didn't he?"

Izaya muttered to himself as he waited for the door in front of him to open.

"Well, at least I wasn't hit by that guardrail."

A slow grin crossed Izaya's lips.

"Which Shizu-chan threw at me. Ah but then afterwards, he rushed to…save me."

Silence reigned the air for a moment before it was broken by the informant's laughter.

"Haha. HAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya laughed, laughed and laughed even though it made the pain worse, his laughter making his eyes so small they looked like mere slits gleaming with malevolent amusement.

"Ahhhh…"

Izaya chuckled, a grin on cruel lips.

"So unpredictable you are, Shizu-chan. You really don't want to be a monster, eh?"

"But if me being scared of you caused you so much guilt that you rushed to save your enemy…what if I continued this little entertaining act? What would it make you do…Shizu-chan?"

As he voiced his thoughts to no one but himself, a devious smile crept across the beautiful, cruel features of Izaya's face as the information broker's eyes glinted with unhidden malice.

"Even though I let my guard down and got hurt…it goes well for the plan. Because I got hurt…it makes it even more real, huh? And it makes Shizu-chan feel even more bad!"

Izaya smiled to himself, so excited by his new plan involving the unpredictable monster that the pain in his wrist seemed to fade away as his nerves tingled with excitement. This tingling sensation escalated to the point that laughter escaped his cruel lips at the thought of causing the monster grief.

"Hahahaha! Ahahaha! This will be fun! This will be so FUN!"

As Izaya was laughing to himself, the door in front of him opened.

"Sorry for the wait- Izaya?"

"Hey Shinra, I need you to take care of an injury for me."

If it had been anyone but Shinra, they would have found it eerie how Izaya could just stop his genuine laughter at the opening of the door -

And the sight of his only friend.

"What happened? Did a gang cut you with metal wires?"

"Something like that."

Izaya smiled mysteriously as if he and Shinra were still in middle school and he had just come in late to class with cuts all over his arms.

Even Shinra never suspected his injuries could be Shizuo's fault. Which meant that it would be an even greater shock for Shizuo.

Izaya grinned gleefully.

"For someone injured, you sure look happy. Well, come in."

"Is Celty in?"

"If she was I wouldn't even be letting you into the house."

Shinra said. He sighed, but soon brightened.

"She's out on a job…ahhh I miss my lovely Celty! When she comes back, I'm going to give her a lovey-dovey kiss-"

"You can't kiss a headless woman."

Izaya interrupted casually with practiced exasperation.

But Shinra was undeterred.

"I can! I can kiss her on the neck, on her perfect sexy shoulders-"

"Right, right…"

Izaya flexed his wrist as he plopped down onto the couch, grimacing slightly as pain shot through him.

"Anyway, I think my wrist is broken."

"Hm? Well let me take a look."

 

 

"So?"

"You're lucky, it isn't broken."

Shinra diagnosed and Izaya couldn't help the little exhale of relief.

"It's heavily bruised though. If the metal object had hit just a little harder, it would have broken your wrist."

"That's good."

Izaya said. Although it suited his plan, it would have been troublesome to do his work and type with a broken wrist. That was pain and tedium he had not been looking forward to.

"Yeah. I'll still have to treat it of course, and those cuts on your arms too. Or they'll get infected."

"Sure."

**… A few minutes later …**

"So…"

"Hm? Ow-"

Izaya half grimaced, half smiled as Shinra dabbed on his wound.

"Not so hard."

"Don't pretend you're scared of a little pain."

Shinra spoke wryly as he applied antiseptic to the cut on Izaya's arm.

"If you were you wouldn't be provoking Shizuo."

"Well, it's not like Shizu-chan can actually hurt me."

"Then, what is this?"

Shinra poked at the purplish-black bruise on Izaya's wrist, causing the information broker to grimace.

"Ahhh…"

An amused smile was on Izaya's pained features.

"Who said it's from Shizu-chan?"

"Well I don't know, but you look happy, like you wanted Shizuo to hurt you. Actually I think you want Shizuo to hurt you, that's why you keep on making him mad, right? Doing things like taunting him, framing him and even sending a little girl after him, telling her he's an assassin…do you know how mad he was at that? I even feared for my life!"

Izaya watched in bemusement as Shinra shivered in fear at the bad memory, briefly wishing he could have been there.

"Even the Yakuza you work for are wary of him since he's the Strongest Man in Ikebukuro…"

Shinra sighed, pushing up his glasses.

"Well, I had always thought you were a masochist."

"Even those shady people from Russia. I heard he knocked the "Killing Monster" and the "Killing Machine" who's the seventh deadliest assassin in Russia out. With a bench. At the same time."

Izaya added helpful information to Shinra's description of the fearsome Monster of Ikebukuro, as if he was a normal resident of Ikebukuro speaking from rumours he had heard.

"And, he has the Crow wanting to kill him. It's quite a humorous story, really. That she thinks she's any match for Shizu-chan. I'm actually eager to see that battle play out."

As his narrowed eyes glinted with malicious intent, Izaya smirked as if he had already had a plan for the vision in his head.

"Yes, only you would find such dangerous people funny."

Shinra smiled as he dabbed more on Izaya's wound, as Izaya seemed to be thinking of another of his potential plans so gleefully that he didn't feel the pain anymore.

"Well, don't expect me to come to your funeral when you finally get killed by Shizuo."

"You hurt me, Shinra-"

"Shinra."

The subject of the conversation entered the scene.

"I hit my head pretty hard, so I think it's bleeding. Well that's what I saw in that shop window anyway, so could you -"

A pregnant pause filled the air.

"…Izaya?"

Izaya had to bite his lip from keeping the customary "Shizu-chan" to escape.

"…Uh…"

Sweat was beading on Shinra's forehead.

"Shizuo…this is kind of a bad time, as you can see. Could you come back later?"

Mentally, he prepared to mourn the loss of another one of his furniture – there was no way Shizuo would back down when Izaya was in sight.

Yes, his furniture being destroyed was more important than Izaya being badly hurt or even dead – for Shinra had no interest in humans at all.

But that is a story for another time.

Shinra inched slowly away from Izaya, for the human being, "Kishitani Shinra", was the one loved by the only being he was interested in and loved.

"Well…."

Shinra said as Izaya and Shizuo seemed to still be staring at each other. He didn't even dare to put down the cotton wool as he stood up from the couch.

"I'll just be taking my leave now…..…please try not to destroy everything, okay?"

"Izaya."

Shizuo said as if Shinra wasn't even there. He took a step forward.

And that was when Shinra got the shock of his life –

As Izaya screamed at Shizuo –

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Shinra was surprised his mouth was the only one which had fallen open, as Shizuo just looked surprised, before anger took away any softness in his features.

"Now listen here you stinky FLEA!"

Shizuo seemed to be controlling himself to keep his volume to a minimum.

"I don't know why you're pulling this shit on me but I saved your fucking life back there for some damn reason I don't even know so the LEAST YOU COULD DO IS SHOW SOME FUCKING GRATITUDE!"

"And who was the one whom almost caused my death in the first place? If you hadn't thrown that stupid guardrail I wouldn't have been hurt! And I told you not to follow me, didn't I!?"

"I DIDN'T FOLLOW YOU!"

Veins were beginning to throb in Shizuo's temple.

"I came here for treatment, damn it! I'm bleeding pretty badly, AREN'T I?!"

As the man in a bartender suit spoke, he jabbed a finger at the blood spilling from his forehead, brown eyes flashing with barely restrained anger.

"Shut up! You're nothing but a monster, you don't need treatment! Right Shinra?!"

Despite their previous conversation, Izaya did not seem to be aware of how one should fear and not antagonize Heiwajima Shizuo –

Especially when he was on the verge of snapping.

"E-Eh? Uh…Shizuo's body seems to be indestructible…?"

It was all Shinra could manage at the impossible scene in front of him –

Of Izaya being afraid of Shizuo.

"YOU…"

Shizuo was so angry his shoulders were almost trembling as he took heavy steps forward, the blood on his face matching his dangerous aura –

"FUCKING FLEA…"

"Don't you dare come any closer!"

Izaya backed away until his back was pressed against the couch.

"Shinra! Get him away from me!"

"Ah…I can't do that…..I don't have a death wish, unlike you."

Shinra spoke the words nervously, as if he was hoping they wouldn't draw Shizuo's attention to him.

Izaya whimpered, and clung to the couch as if it would protect him from the monster in front of him, as if he was a child whom had just realized the monster under his bed was real.

"Don't…come any closer…"

Shizuo stared as Izaya buried his face in the couch, and hated it, hated the little whimpering noises the flea was producing because damn it- how could he attack- much less kill someone so defenceless?

"Uh Izaya…..Are you…okay?"

Even Shinra sounded concerned.

"Izaya."

Shizuo made his voice soft, but it only seemed to make Izaya panic even more.

"NO!"

The information broker yelled, squeezing his eyes shut, as his body trembled –

"Shut up! I hate you! Don't come near me again!"

"…Fine."

Shizuo said calmly. His eyes flashed angrily, his fist clenched so hard it made cuts in his indestructible skin.

"Fine! I don't know why the fuck you're acting this way, shitty flea, but I'm not like you, and I would never hurt someone so pathetic and defenceless!"

With those words Shizuo stomped off, and the door slammed loudly behind him – followed by a crash which told Shinra he had to replace his door. Again. He mentally noted to charge Izaya more this time for this situation was all his fault.

He looked to Izaya, whose shoulders were shaking. "Uh Izaya…"

Shinra said cautiously to the unstable informant, as if he was a mentally deficient patient.

"Are you…alright?"

-  _He's not crying, is he?_

_Nah, impossible…_

_Right?_

Shinra backed away, for Izaya seemed as if he would throw himself onto him and sob onto his shoulder –

And only Celty had that privilege, not that she took it…

And then Izaya spoke:

"Ahhhh…it was worth it, observing those fearful humans…"

"…Eh?"

Izaya's shoulders trembled even more, and that was when Shinra realized he wasn't crying –

He was laughing.

"Hahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya let go of the couch, leaning forward and clutching his stomach, laughing so hard Shinra thought he would choke on his own breath and die.

"Uh…Izaya?"

-  _Did Izaya accidentally take that medicine I was developing to help with that female client's mood swings?_

_\- If so, since he's a man, it must have had an adverse effect on his system…_

_Then…does that mean he's going to have mood swings now? Like a pregnant woman?!_

It was such a disturbing thought that Shinra almost wailed and wished that Celty was there with him instead of this abnormal, potentially drugged Izaya.

"Eh Izaya….you didn't accidentally take like, a little red and pink pill…did you?"

"What…red and pink pill?"

Izaya giggled, and Shinra was the one choking on his own breath.

_I'm sorry Celty, I wish I could have seen you one last time before my untimely death...I always wanted to die in your arms..._

Shinra thought mournfully as he coughed and hacked as if he was suffocating in thin air.

"If you have something like that Shinra, I'd gladly take it, it's so hard to pretend to be afraid!"

The words were so surprising Shinra's throat stopped moving. Then slight nausea reached him and he coughed a few times, before staring incredulously at Izaya.

"…You were pretending?"

Internally, Shinra mentally thanked the Gods of Ikebukuro whom had brought Celty to him that Izaya hadn't touched that little, dangerous pill for men. If not, he would have to spend time making an antidote to something that wasn't even supposed to have an antidote, which meant more time away from his beloved Celty -

"Did you think it was real?"

\- Whom he wouldn't have to leave after all!

Izaya gave a taunting smirk, and Shinra felt relief flood his being.

He had never been so glad to see Izaya.

"You did? Hm, that must mean my acting skills are excellent, huh?"

Izaya laughed, throwing his arm over the back of the couch.

"I expected to fool that protozoan, but to fool even you! It was so troublesome, you know? I didn't even expect him to come bursting in, I guess my words really had an effect on him, huh?"

"Haha…Hahaha…HAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya threw his head back and howled his laughter to the air. If he had been in his office, Shinra could imagine him spinning around in his swivel chair.

"Ahhh Shizu-chan…if you continue acting this way, being affected by mere words, I might even be able to love you as a human!"

"Finally, your unpredictability is acting according to my plans!"

"…You're playing a dangerous game, Izaya. Shizuo isn't going to just kill you when he finds out. He's going to murder you, tear you apart and scatter your intestines into Tokyo Bay."

Shinra said the words with a wry smile, giving the false impression that he cared whether Izaya lived or died.

"That is, if he can even catch me. If I don't want him to, he can never catch me. And why would I ever want him to?"

Izaya smirked as he spoke, fluttering feminine eyelashes an evil man like him shouldn't even have, as if the monster was right in front of him.

"Right…"

Even Shinra could not help but feel resigned.

Izaya smiled widely and turned to him with so much malice in his eyes that Shinra almost felt pity for the Monster of Ikebukuro.

"Hey Shinra, even though my wrist isn't broken…can you give me a cast?"

 

 

Shizuo was acting strange.

He was being silent.

So silent that Tom was almost glad when Shizuo finally snapped and yelled at the people whom had to pay up their debts.

But strangely, he wasn't as violent as usual.

There weren't as many public property flying through the air in Ikebukuro.

Tom knew why, for a strange, out of the world scene had been happening the past few days:

Orihara Izaya had shown fear towards Heiwajima Shizuo.

Shizuo would yell the usual words:

"How many times have I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro?!"

And Izaya would  _yell_  back:

"How many times have I told you to stay away from  _me?!"_

And Shizuo would be silent as he watched Izaya run away from him.

Izaya's words and unusual behaviour had been taking their toll on Shizuo.

He would be so silent that even Vorona expressed her concern. He would smile when she had to extend the invitation to eat cakes and sweet desserts together, but when Tom saw him the next day, he would be deadly silent again.

And as he was silent, he seemed to be entirely unaware of everything around him, knocking into random objects and causing them to fall. He didn't seem to notice the frightened gasps either.

There was one object that he seemed to take notice of – a telephone pole. Shizuo had bumped into it and caused it to rattle, and he had raised his gaze:

And shown the most expression Tom had seen from him in the past few days:

Anger.

Tom thought for a moment that Shizuo was going to grab it and swing it around, or that Izaya was perched on top of that telephone pole, but Shizuo merely sidestepped it, and then slammed a kick into the wall nearby, causing the whole wall to crumble into pieces, and cement to come trailing onto the pavement.

"Sorry."

He had finally spoken.

"That thing brings back bad memories."

"It's…okay."

Tom had replied cautiously, as if even he was afraid of destabilizing the Monster of Ikebukuro.

Tom remembered how Izaya's wrist had been in a cast and wondered if the telephone pole was the cause of that.

But that made him confused on why Shizuo would be angry when he had finally managed to hurt the man whom he had deemed as the flea -

And why Izaya was afraid of Shizuo, when he had never been, even going so far as to provoke him to make him angry.

But Shizuo was acting strange, and being more quiet than usual. And even though Vorona always had an emotionless expression on her face, she was more talkative than she looked. But now she seemed hesitant to speak to Shizuo, whom was no doubt fond of her and would never hurt her, no matter how angry he was.

Deciding that someone had to be the sane one, Tom brushed these puzzling thoughts away.

There was so much sudden anger pouring out from Shizuo that even Vorona kept silent, not inquiring about her sempai's well being.

That was how a week passed for the debt collector trio.

 

 

_Chapter 1 END_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok my plans have changed and until early December I can't post a chapter a week like I originally wanted to. So I would like to ask for readers opinion here :) I can either update the next week but for the chapter after that I can't post until three weeks later or I can update the week after next but the next chapter will take two weeks.
> 
> So it's either a wait of three weeks or a wait of two weeks (besides next week).
> 
> Which would you prefer? If no one replies I'll just decide lol, probably the week after next because I'm lazy. And because the chapter is really long like twice as long so I guess it should be worth two weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

  ** _ZERO-SUM GAME_**

**_*A situation in which a gain by one person or side_ ** **_must be_ ** **_matched by a loss by another person or side_ **

 

The game had changed.

Orihara Izaya had changed it himself.

However, Heiwajima Shizuo was unaware of this.

Everything was going according to Izaya's plans.

Until -

A variable more unpredictable than Heiwajima Shizuo himself entered the picture.

Even the one Orihara Izaya considered the most unpredictable did not know how such an unexpected variable had made its way into the scene.

It was the one thing Heiwajima Shizuo couldn't beat –

And Orihara Izaya couldn't deal with.

That elusive thing Orihara Izaya shunned and Heiwajima Shizuo wanted but never thought he could have –

Until it appeared in his life –

In the most human part of his being.

 

 

**Near a certain debt collecting agency**

 

 

"Where's Vorona?"

"She's late."

Tom smiled wryly.

When another week had passed in awkward silence and anxiety, Tom decided it was time to step in.

He requested Vorona to come to work half an hour late, not wanting Shizuo to hold back his feelings because she was there.

"Ah…should we wait for her?"

Shizuo spoke distractedly, as if he didn't care, as if there was something more important on his mind.

Concerned about what could be more important than his "cute kouhai", Tom voiced the question that had been on his mind for silent days:

"What's wrong, Shizuo?"

"Eh?"

"You heard me. What's wrong? I'm not talking to you as your sempai since this isn't affecting your job, I'm talking to you as your friend. You've been acting strange, and Vorona and I are worried for you. Is there anything we can help you with?"

"I've just been thinking…"

"About what?"

"About Izaya."

"…Ah."

Tom said. It was Izaya after all.

"Are you thinking about why he's afraid of you?"

Shizuo nodded and Tom reassured him:

"Don't worry about it. Since it's him, he's probably playing it as a prank or something."

He would never know how accurate his words were for a long time.

"Really?"

Shizuo finally looked up from the ground.

"But…I hurt him."

"…Haven't you always wanted to hurt him, you know, to kill him?"

"Yeah, but…."

Shizuo scratched his head, showing the most emotion Tom had seen from him in weeks.

"I don't know. I'm confused myself. But there was this feeling…I didn't like, when he shouted at me."

"Maybe it's because he's breaking our routine by acting so weird. But I just didn't like it. He runs away from me now because he's afraid of me, not because he wants to make me angry."

"It's like…he's become like everyone else. And how can that be? The shitty flea will always be a shitty flea. That shitty flea's always been a shitty flea, hopping around like a fucking flea since forever and pissing me off, so why the hell…has that changed?"

Shizuo was clenching his fist as he spoke, but there was a look on his face that made Tom unsure whether he was angry or disappointed.

"Well I don't know. But it's Izaya. He can't be afraid of you forever, right?"

Tom said to comfort Shizuo – for regardless of what Shizuo was feeling, the man in a bartender suit looked like he needed some comfort.

"Yeah."

Shizuo said, but he didn't seem reassured.

"Right…."

Tom nodded, feeling a little glad now that he had confirmed the source of Shizuo's problems. Which was Izaya. Unsurprisingly.

Maybe Shizuo was right and everything really was Izaya's fault.

"Is there anything else on your mind?"

"…Actually."

"Yeah?"

"Nowadays…I've been feeling strange."

Shizuo raised his gaze as he said this, the anger fading away from his expression.

Tom felt relieved. Deciding it was a good kind of strange, he prompted the blond man.

"Strange?"

"Yeah, I've been feeling things I've never felt before."

"What things?"

"…I don't know how to describe it….."

Shizuo smiled, and Tom was glad to finally see Shizuo's smile.

"It's kind of embarrassing…that I don't even know how to describe my own feelings, huh? Since I feel anger most of the time…I can't really recognize other feelings well."

"Other feelings…..Well, if you can't describe them, can you at least tell me what you're thinking about?"

"Thinking about….Well, I think about this person…a lot."

"Okay…?"

"Yeah. Like, really a lot. They're always on my mind, whether I like it or not. And I always see them. And recently, they've been making me feel confused."

"Are you talking about…a woman?"

"Not a woman."

"Okay…"

"Yeah. They've been a big part of my life. Ever since I met them, they've been something new, they've never been afraid of me."

"I see."

Tom was smiling now. Regardless of what this person was to Shizuo, he was glad that they had never been afraid of him.

"Well, no wonder you think about them so much. I'm glad they're not afraid of you. What else does this person make you feel?"

"I'm not sure, like I said I can't recognize my own feelings well. But besides thinking about them a lot, they just draw my attention. I…don't know them well."

Shizuo frowned, but it was as if he was contemplating about his own confusing thoughts.

"…So recently I've found myself wondering about them, whether I will ever get to know them better…It's weird."

"Do you think about anything else?"

"Anything else…They…make my heart beat faster…I'm not sure if that counts."

"….."

 

"Tom-san?"

Shizuo definitely sounded like he was talking about a woman. But Shizuo wasn't one to lie…

_\- Maybe he said it's not a woman for he doesn't see that girl as a woman since he's never had a girlfriend before._

_\- He always sees them…they're not afraid of him…he doesn't know them well, well Shizuo doesn't know her well outside of their shared sweet tooth…_

_Then, could he be talking about Vorona? Would he tell me if he was? He knows I wouldn't tell her, right?_

_If it's Vorona, it would make sense. Shizuo doesn't see her as a woman, he doesn't look at her that way. But perhaps it's because he can't recognize his own feelings, like he said so?_

Tom mused to himself.

Because if Shizuo could get a woman who worked with him on the job and whom he liked, that would be good. For he wouldn't need to juggle between her and the job he was so dedicated to.

Tom had thought that Vorona and Shizuo looked good together. And that they fitted each other. They were both socially awkward, they both had a sweet tooth. Shizuo would smile softly, fondly at her like he did to very few people, and Vorona's face would have a little more emotion when she looked at Shizuo. They seemed to understand each other, even if neither of them was that talkative. To Tom, they were practically a match made in heaven, even though they did not seem to see it.

And they were both strong and capable of holding up on their own, Tom knew Shizuo wasn't a man who looked down on women even in their patriarchal society, and that he probably wanted an equal relationship. He wondered when the blond man would see he could find that in Vorona.

For even if she wasn't as strong as Shizuo, Vorona wasn't afraid of him. She even seemed admiring of his strength.

And if his two kouhai could be happy with each other, he, their sempai, would be happy as well.

Maybe it was selfish of him, for he wasn't even sure if Shizuo liked Vorona that way, but he wanted the man to be happy with a woman who didn't fear him.

Tom had these thoughts as he who was one of the few people whom Shizuo had known for a long time, and had the best interests of his kouhai in his mind.

However, like Shizuo, he was unaware that Vorona was the woman whom Shizuo wanted to grab that expensive-looking helmet from and crush it right in front of her eyes –

As he had declared after they spoke and closed the incident of Awakusu Akane and the Awakusu-kai, as he showed anger with the thought of someone who was not Orihara Izaya.

Tom was thus unaware of the ironic fact that the woman whom Shizuo had kicked a car towards like it was a soccer ball, whom he had told Shizuo would never show up in front of him again, had been there everyday with them in their life as debt collectors.

Nevertheless, he was still a man who had the best interests of his charges at heart.

"Are you alright, Tom-san? Did I say something wrong?"

"Ah no. I was just…..thinking…..Besides making your heart beat faster…does that person make you feel anything else?"

"Feel…"

Shizuo seemed to be murmuring to himself, as if feelings were something foreign to him.

"Like what?"

"Like, make you feel things you've never felt before. Made you feel positive emotions…"

Tom tried to describe.

But how could one describe feelings?

"Hm…."

Something seemed to pop up in Shizuo's head, as if something Tom had said had given him a sudden realization.

"…..Well, besides making my heart beat faster, I also feel a little warm when I think about them. Which I seem to be doing a lot these days…because of something they did."

"It's funny….I'll admit it, though I'll never admit it to them, that when I think about them, I feel kind of nervous, in a way I've never felt before."

Shizuo was smiling, as if he was laughing silently at himself.

"Especially not that person. But when I see them…All that nervousness, kind of goes away and my emotions take control."

"I didn't use to feel like this around them before, but maybe I felt it but didn't notice it because they make me lose control, but anyway that's the way I've been feeling these past few days…."

"I see."

Tom contemplated on Shizuo's feelings.

_I could be just misunderstanding…but his heart beats faster, he feels warm when he thinks of them? He feels nervous?_

_And his nervousness goes away when he sees them- since it's Shizuo after all and he's an impulsive guy?_

_…He definitely sounds like he's in love._

"I kind of regret doing that to them…whatever I did, I don't know."

Shizuo said, bringing Tom out of his thoughts. His fingers curled into a fist as he lowered his gaze.

"But I never meant to make that person…..afraid of me."

… _Not Vorona then_.

Tom thought a little disappointingly.

Just who was this mystery woman?

That had Heiwajima Shizuo falling for her while not even being aware he had?

She must be a friend – a friend he was close with, if he couldn't notice his growing feelings for her.

Shizuo sounded truly regretful, and Tom knew he was telling the truth -

For the last thing Shizuo wanted was to make anyone afraid of him -

Even though so many already were.

But there was another woman, besides the ones he knew Shizuo knew, who had not been afraid of Shizuo, but was afraid of him now?

_Well,_ Tom thought,  _I won't get anywhere with thinking about it, since apparently Shizuo has a woman he has befriended who's not afraid of him and whom I don't know._

But first, he decided to clarify Shizuo's feelings with him:

"I know you didn't."

Tom reassured the forlorn blond man with a smile. He reached out to pat Shizuo's shoulder comfortingly.

"It's probably just a misunderstanding, and I'm sure if you talk to them, it'll be fine."

"…Talk to them…?"

Shizuo muttered as if he had never done so before. Tom withdrew his hand.

"How can I do that when they're always running away from me? When they're afraid of me now?"

"Ahhhh…"

Tom rubbed the back of his neck, wondering how to phrase what he had to say:

"Shizuo, can I be honest with you?"

"Sure, Tom-san."

"I think..."

Tom met Shizuo's curious brown eyes.

"You're in love."

"….Love?"

Shizuo said the word like a lost child.

"Yeah, love. You know, romantic love?"

Tom tried to explain the illogical feeling to the irrational man.

"It's hard to explain, but the things you told me about, about thinking about the person, and your heart beating faster…they're classic symptoms of love."

"I can't…"

There was a short silence, as if Shizuo's brain had temporarily shortcircuited and the notion of love was too much for his brain cells to compute.

"Shizuo…?"

That was the thought Tom had as he stared at the man in a bartender suit who seemed to be frozen in time.

_…Is he alright?_

"….Be in love…"

Shizuo continued, as if he himself was unaware of the unnaturally long pause between his words.

But for Tom, time seemed to start for him again.

Relieved that Shizuo had not suddenly gone brain dead, he gave the blond man a comforting smile.

"Why not? I know it's scary, since you've never been in love before. But it'll all work out, you see. If you really love that person, if you can feel so much for them, it'll be okay."

"But I've known that person for years! FUCKING YEARS! And they've always ANNOYED me so I've NEVER cared to understand them, so how the HELL CAN I BE IN LOVE?!"

Tom jolted in surprise at Shizuo's sudden outburst. But behind the anger in Shizuo's expression was confusion and what seemed to be anxiety.

Thinking Shizuo was worried about being in love, Tom voiced his honest thoughts:

"Uh…..But I can't think of any other reason. Maybe you aren't compatible with that person or you feel that way, but if they make you think of them so much, make your heart beat faster, you're definitely in love."

"….."

Shizuo stared, then sighed. He seemed to be trying to control his anger as he inhaled, then looked at Tom.

"…Let's say…..I'm in….love…."

Tom was listening carefully, as it seemed hard for Shizuo to even hypothetically speak about being in love.

"How….do I know I'm in love? How do I know what I'm feeling…..is….."

Shizuo paused suddenly, and before Tom could worry, he continued, a certain wonder and yet sense of being lost in his voice –

As if the world had suddenly turned upside down on him, and everything he saw was the same yet different.

  
"…..Love?"

"Even though you can't identify your feelings well….you have strong reactions towards your feelings, like your heart beats faster and you feel warm."

Tom looked at Shizuo as he told him what was common knowledge to most people – most normal people.

But Shizuo was far from normal.

As he was labelled abnormal by normal people.

Knowing Shizuo was probably not aware on the symptoms of love, Tom spoke the words to him honestly and straightforwardly, as if he knew Shizuo would appreciate honesty in his confusion.

"When even your body starts to react when you think of someone, when you start to get all nervous, that's when you know you're in love."

"…"

 

Tom felt sympathy for Shizuo. With his impossible strength, almost everyone feared him. Many people were not willing to get close to him. He had very few friends, much less people so close he could come to care about so greatly that he could find himself falling in love with them. Falling in love with someone whom was not scared of him, who had never been scared of him – to the extent that Shizuo was depressed when they were afraid of him.

It was probably the first time he had fallen in love.

"….It really is a shock for you, huh?"

Tom said sympathetically and Shizuo gave the slightest nod. He reached up to place a hand on Shizuo's shoulder.

"It's okay. There's no hurry. Why don't you tell me your feelings again? Just to be sure you're in love."

Even though he did not believe so, as Shizuo was acting like he was in love, unsure and uncertain, seeing Shizuo so troubled over his feelings which he did not understand, Tom decided to voice the following words.

"Who knows, maybe it's just intense friendship!"

Shizuo gave a scoff at that, but said unexpectedly:

"We didn't have a friendship."

Before Tom could comment on that, he continued:

"I really am not sure of my feelings, but I feel great emotions towards them. They make me lose control and I hate it. But then….."

Shizuo paused again, and Tom patiently waited for the blond man to analyse his own feelings.

"…..Why do I feel…this sense of…disappointment? Now that they're afraid of me? Why do I feel…. regret?"

As he spoke, Shizuo held up his hand and looked at it – as if it had hurt the person he held such complicated feelings for.

"Did this person…..Reject you?"

"Reject….."

Shizuo thought about the word.

"Reject means they pushed me away, right? …Yeah…I guess they did. I…can't even approach them without them shouting at me. Which never happened in the past, by the way."

"And…what do you feel at that?"

"…Disappointed."

Shizuo said truthfully.

"Angry, because they're not supposed to act that way. But nowadays, even the anger's faded away when it's never done so before."

"…..And I kind of just feel…this…"

"This?"

Tom encouraged, knowing how much Shizuo needed a listening ear at the moment.

"I don't know how to describe it. But I kind of feel…empty. Hollow. As if….."

Shizuo's Adam Apple bobbed as he swallowed in his throat, and he voiced his next words with a blankness Tom had never heard from him before.

"If even that person is afraid of me…maybe I really am a monster."

 

 

"…"

"Blaming yourself even if it may not be your fault…..Feeling empty inside without that person."

"Caring about what they said when you've never really cared about what people said about you…..Feeling self-conscious…"

As he said these words, Tom met Shizuo's eyes, even though Shizuo seemed to be looking off at someplace far away.

"Then…doesn't that mean you're in love?"

"…Maybe…."

Shizuo said distantly, as if he had only just registered Tom's words.

"Maybe I am in love with him."

"…Him?"

"…Ah."

Shizuo said as if he had just realized his mistake. He coughed.

"If it's really love, it's embarrassing…But yeah, it's a him."

  
-  _No wonder he said it wasn't a woman!_

It suddenly became clear in Tom's mind.

"It's alright. I'm surprised you swing that way, but it's good that you've finally found someone to love, right?"

Those words were said with sincerity. Tom was truly glad for his friend. He was not a judgmental man and had nothing against homosexuals and though it was surprising Shizuo was one, he had never had a girlfriend before so Tom supposed it wasn't that surprising…even though it was because women were afraid of him.

Besides, from his descriptions, and the emotion in his voice, Shizuo – Heiwajima Shizuo seemed really in love with that man. He seemed in love with that person, so much that he was troubled when he had done something which made them afraid of him…

Of course, encountering people who were afraid of him was nothing new to Shizuo, but it was new that he would be actually affected by it, to the extent it would affect his state of well being for weeks.

Tom was one of the few people unafraid of Shizuo and able to deal with him. Yet he cared for the man in a bartender suit, which is why he patiently listened as Shizuo spoke about his feelings for an unknown man - even when the feelings were romantic.

"I don't think I'm gay. I've never really checked out other guys before or anything. And women are really pretty to me and arouse my interest, even though I can't touch them. And I've thought about having kids before. So I think I just love him."

Shizuo said the words with such honesty Tom could not help but smile fondly.

"Crossing even the boundary of gender, then that means you are really in love with that man. Not because he's a man, but because you love him for who he is."

"I guess. But to tell the truth, I've never loved him for who he is before, hell, I never even liked him, so it's kind of weird to find out I'm in love with him."

"….Yet, it does make sense."

Shizuo said as if to himself -

"It's frustrating, to find out that all along my strange feelings and even my anger and frustration is due to love, but relieving at the same time. Now that I know the problem, I can deal with it."

"Try not to think of it as a problem. But as a new experience. Love isn't a problem, it may be confusing, but ultimately it isn't something to frustrate yourself over."

"Impossible. Maybe with time, but seriously, that guy's always a problem. So maybe it isn't so surprising he's become my problematic love. He's become my problem as usual, just in another way."

There was a half scoff, half smirk on Shizuo's face, as if he was finding amusement at a joke only he knew.

"Right."

Shizuo nodded distractedly to Tom's affirmation, as if he seemed to be thinking about the man he had found out he was in love with.

"So…"

Tom couldn't hold back the question anymore.

"Who is this mystery man?"

"…..Ah."

Shizuo's mouth opened, as if he had just realized he had not revealed the identity of his newfound love.

"It's Izaya."

"…Sorry, I think I heard you wrongly."

Tom smiled shakily.

"I could have sworn you just said it's Izaya."

"Yeah. I did say it's Izaya."

"…."

 

Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fit together into Tom's mind -

-That person was always on Shizuo's mind, whether he liked it or not.

-That person always drew his attention.

-He doesn't know that person well.

-That person makes him feel strange, nervous, but his emotions take control when he actually sees them and he hates it.

-That person was always a problem.

-He has never liked that person.

-He and that person had never had a friendship.

That person has never been afraid of him…until now.

Tom was awed at Shizuo's ability to be absolutely, truthfully honest yet completely, frustratingly vague at the same time.

Shizuo definitely had his famous brother Hanejima Yuuhei's genes - Tom wouldn't be surprised if he could act. He had never felt so suspended in suspense even while watching an actual movie.

"Tom-san?"

_Maybe I shouldn't have said it was Izaya._

Shizuo thought vaguely.

_But it's Izaya, so why shouldn't I have said it was Izaya?_

_\- If it's Izaya, then it's Izaya._

_\- …..._

Before Shizuo could get frustrated with his own thoughts, Tom found his voice:

"Sorry, I was thinking. But Shizuo…are you sure you're in love with Izaya?"

Shizuo blinked at him owlishly, confusion in his eyes.

"Didn't you say I'm in love with Izaya?"

-  _But I didn't know it was Izaya!_

Tom felt like hitting his own head for his own obliviousness when Shizuo had been so strikingly obvious.

"Sorry, let me rephrase that. Shizuo, are you sure it's _Izaya_  you're in love with?"

Tom emphasized the name of the man Shizuo hated, as if he hoped the sound of it would bring Shizuo back to his senses.

Shizuo looked at him. He seemed to be thinking.

"I was thinking of Izaya when I said all those things. So..…it must be Izaya, right?"

The blond looked a little puzzled at his own thoughts, and Tom felt a little guilty for confusing the already confused man.

_I'm confusing him_ , Tom thought,  _What is it that I want to say…? When he spoke of that man, he sounded like he was in love. Shizuo's honest to a fault, so he wouldn't lie at all. And it fits his relationship with Izaya…_

_\- Then, does that mean Shizuo really is in love with Izaya?!_

_\- …..…Why Izaya, of all people?_

Tom wasn't a man who judged others before he knew them, which was how he came to be so good friends with the strongest man in Ikebukuro, but even he couldn't help but have that thought.

_You've always hated him, and now you're in love with him?_

_Are you sure you aren't confusing your feelings, Shizuo?_

_But maybe, you were always in love with him, and since you didn't like it, you thought you hated him?_

_….That guy will only break your heart, Shizuo._

He knew, as Shizuo's friend, he should be telling him to confess to the man.

But as Shizuo's friend, he also knew Izaya was not a man who would accept a confession lightly, he seemed more the type to play around with the person's feelings and leaving them heartbroken.

And he would especially do it if it was Heiwajima Shizuo whom he hated.

 

"…Actually…"

Shizuo said, bringing Tom back into reality again –

"Feelings like these….are so confusing. It's a shock to me too, to find out I'm in love with Izaya. Tom-san is very knowledgeable about these things I'm not quite aware of, so with your advice, I can't deny it."

"….."

"I should be angry."

Shizuo seemed to be thinking seriously.

"….But for some reason, I'm not. I don't feel any anger right now. Maybe because I'm not seeing Izaya's face and hearing his shitty words. So without the shitty flea's presence, I'm free to think about him without him clouding my thoughts with anger."

There was a wry smile on Shizuo's face, the emotion behind it ambiguous to even the blond.

"Even if it's Izaya, I've never felt this way about anyone before. Since these feelings won't go away, I'll just have to confront them, won't I? I'm not a coward like that flea."

"But…I'm also glad. Things kind of make sense now."

Shizuo spoke as if it was a thought said out loud.

"Things never made sense with that flea, I want peace but he makes me use the violence I hate so much. This is kind of the first time things made sense, and when things make sense, I feel more…calm. I feel more at peace. I don't feel so angry."

Shizuo said the sentence as if it was a new realization he had about himself.

  
-  _Shizuo…_

Even if it was Izaya, Orihara Izaya, Tom felt touched by Shizuo's honest words from his heart.

-  _You're really a good guy._

_Yeah, what the heck am I doing? As his sempai and friend, I should be supporting him._

_\- Alright, alright. This is the situation. Shizuo – Heiwajima Shizuo is in love… with Orihara Izaya. Thus, his sempai and friend is here to give him advice on his first love._

"My bad, I was just too surprised for a moment. It's good that you're not running away from your feelings."

Tom admitted with an apologetic smile. Now that the doubt in his mind concerning Shizuo's feelings was cleared, there was no hesitation in his next words.

"But, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Why…do you think you're in love with Izaya? Besides what I said about the symptoms of love. Is there any reason you think you could be in love with him for?"

"Reason….Reason for love."

Shizuo said as he pondered on an emotion as illogical as his existence.

"I know it's kind of contradictory. Since love doesn't really happen for a reason, so perhaps you could think of…why you hold such intense feelings towards him in the first place?"

Tom suggested, wanting Shizuo to discover the reason behind his confusing feelings for the man he had been so sure he hated.

"….He accepted me."

Shizuo said after a while.

"Even though it's in a fucked up way, he still accepted me. Izaya always says I'm a monster, but he doesn't fear me and to me, that means he doesn't consider me an illogical enough existence to be feared. Because, don't people fear what they can't understand? Like people are afraid of Celty because they don't know her…..Anyway, Izaya's the first person besides Celty to do that, but Celty and I are kind of similar since we're both considered monsters."

"So, whether it's really love or not, I think that's the reason why he always drew my attention, I still can't really understand why he's not afraid of me, when he's just a shitty flea I can crush anytime. And I hate it when I can't understand things, it annoys me greatly."

"And I don't think I can change that flea's shitty ways, but maybe if we were in a relationship…"

Shizuo inhaled, and Tom could see the emotion in his eyes even behind his sunglasses. His expression seemed more relaxed.

"I could be more calm. I would be more at peace. If Izaya isn't pissing me off and making me use the violence I hate, I could be a more peaceful man. I could finally have the power…to control this cursed strength I was born with."

Tom opened his mouth to speak, but Shizuo seemed to be continuing –

"But since it's the flea he'll probably still piss me off. And I'll get mad. But if he doesn't…"

Shizuo's face was scrunched up slightly, as if he was thinking of how to phrase his words.

"….Doesn't…shun me even if he annoys me so much…maybe…"

"Maybe?"

"Maybe it means he really accepts me. And if he accepts me….accepts this strength of mine and how much of a monster I am…..…"

Shizuo said, as if he couldn't believe something like that was even possible –

"I could…perhaps…finally accept myself…this illogical existence of mine…"

 

Shizuo had spoken so honestly that Tom was not even surprised with his thought:

_\- Maybe…Izaya can be good for Shizuo. If Izaya affects him so much, but still accepts him-_

_Maybe Shizuo can be happy with Izaya_

_If…Izaya accepts his feelings._

_Ahhhhh, that's the problem, isn't it? It's Izaya. It's very unlikely he'll accept Shizuo's feelings._

_Ahahaha….maybe Shizuo is really right and everything really is Izaya's fault._

Tom let out a chuckle at this, and Shizuo blinked.

"Tom-san?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this…But I think Izaya will be good for you."

There was a mixture of bemusement and fondness in Tom's smile as he looked at Shizuo.

"I wouldn't say good for me. That shitty flea's not good for anyone. But now that I'm in love with him, it means I can use him, right? Since it's the shitty flea. I can use Izaya to find out more about myself. He confuses me and so he pisses me off, but since I'm apparently in fucking love with that fucking flea…It's time I used him like he always used me."

Shizuo was giving a feral grin, as if Izaya was right in front of him.

"…..Woah, that's a scary love."

Tom grinned, though a bead of sweat made its way down his neck at the sudden ferocity in Shizuo's eyes.

"I'm curious though. Since you discovered you're in love with Izaya, does that mean you never hated him?"

"Nah. I did hate him, I hated him so much…...But rather than hating him only for who he is – I hated more the things he made me do."

Shizuo frowned as if he was trying to sort out his thoughts.

"I hated him for the…what's that word?...Effect? I think that's it."

"It's like, he purposely makes me use the violence I hate. I fucking hated him for that. And then I see him smirking, hopping around like a damn flea, and it's like - someone like that, is definitely a bastard and fits my image of the bastard who makes me do the things I hate."

"So he does such things precisely because he's a bastard and shitty flea and he's not the type to change his ways so he was always a shitty flea to me. Like I said, I didn't know him well. He was always just a shitty flea. Any emotion he showed, is just the emotion of a shitty flea."

Shizuo seemed to be on a rant, but his tone was surprisingly even as if such frustrating thoughts had been in his mind for so long he was used to it.

"And he didn't make any fucking sense. He didn't fear me at all. It was like, this guy who didn't fear me, wanted so badly to piss me off. I didn't understand why. The face he gave at our first meeting just pissed me off. I just didn't like him. And it's not like he did anything to make me think he's anything else but a shitty flea. I don't know. Maybe I was even more pissed off because I'd finally found a person who didn't fear me but was too much of a bastard for me to be close with."

"Thinking like that, really pissed me off. He doesn't fear me but he says I'm a monster? The fuck? People called me a monster because they were afraid of me and Izaya called me a monster but wasn't afraid of me even though I seriously used every fucking ounce of my strength to try to kill him. That just didn't make any fucking sense. So it pissed me off even more."

Shizuo paused a while, as if he was internalizing his own words, as he inhaled, then continued in a slower pace.

"That's why, it's not like I really wanted to kill him, I'd be fine if he just left me in peace and disappears from my sight. Cause if he left me in peace, that means he wouldn't have any effect on me any longer…..Or something like that."

  
It was a little strange hearing Shizuo talk about Izaya, for Shizuo had never even wanted to mention him before…even if he often did.

But Tom wasn't complaining. Even he had never really understood why Shizuo had hated Izaya so much, but hearing Shizuo finally speaking about it, it was almost enlightening.

"Ah."

Tom said with his newfound enlightenment on Shizuo's view of Izaya.

"I see. So your perception of Izaya's changed now, huh?"

"Eh?"

"The way you see Izaya. Last time you always saw him as a nuisance. But now that he's afraid of you, you can't help but wonder why. And then you start to think about him, and when you think about him, you realize he was the one person you could rely on to not be afraid of you. Am I right?"

"…..Yeah."

Shizuo said after he had thought for a while.

"I'm pissed off he's doing something which pisses me off again, but since he's showing emotion…it must be my fault this time? Then, this finally is that 1%, huh? Because the shitty flea isn't behaving like a shitty flea."

Shizuo was smiling wryly, as if he was glad Izaya wasn't behaving like Izaya, when he had been troubled by it before.

"So I guess…the one I've fallen in love with isn't the shitty flea…it's Izaya."

Shizuo raised his hand to his hair.

"And Izaya is the shitty flea but he's also Izaya. If that even makes sense."

"I think I get what you mean."

Tom explained Shizuo's thoughts to him:

"You've fallen in love with Izaya as the person he is. His…positive traits. His unchanging attitude towards you. It's kind of new to you 'cause you've only seen the bad things about him before since he behaved to make you think that way."

"Sounds kind of weird…but I guess."

Shizuo laughed a little, and gave Tom a genuine smile.

"Ahhhhh…..Tom-san really is smart. Thanks. I'm not that happy about it, but at least I'm not angry 'cause I kind of understand things now. Like I said, without the shitty flea spouting shitty words, things make so much more sense."

"But seriously, is this really love?"

Shizuo thought out loud to himself.

"Maybe it's just acceptance? 'Cause I've never been in love before, so I don't know what it's like."

"…But if it's acceptance I wouldn't be thinking about him so much, wondering, I wouldn't get this warm feeling when I think of someone I can finally love freely…..right?"

"…."

"..…Argh, so confusing! What 1%? Everything is the fucking flea's fault! Annoying, annoying! ANNOYING!"

Tom held up his hands, smiling nervously at the suddenly frustrated man in a bartender suit.

"It's okay. Calm down, Shizuo! It's fine to be confused about your intense feelings for someone. It's perfectly normal! It's human."

"…Human."

Those words seemed to have their desired effect.

"Human, huh?"

Shizuo was smiling now, as if he had never been angry before.

"Love makes someone human?"

"Yeah! Love makes people human. When you can love, care so greatly for someone…it makes you feel more human, doesn't it?"

"No wonder Celty was so happy after she understood her feelings for Shinra!"

Shizuo said in realization. The smile on his lips widened.

"Ahhhh…I understand now. Haha! HAHAHAHA!"

He laughed to himself, grinning as he looked at his hand which had lifted things no human should be able to.

"This sounds weird, especially as it's that shitty flea, but I kind of hope I am in love. Actually, I really hope I am in love since it's that shitty flea, he's always saying I'm a monster so if because I love him I'm more human, it'll piss him off, right?"

Shizuo grinned widely at his own words.

"Ha! I'm looking forward to that."

"Ahahahaha…well, I'm glad you're happy about your feelings for Izaya."

Tom smiled nervously at Shizuo, unsure if he should be glad Shizuo had finally found someone to love or worried that it was Izaya.

"Yeah, I'm happy."

Shizuo gave a terrifying grin, punching his fist into his palm.

"Of the effect my love will have on him."

"He makes me use the violence I hate so much and it pisses me off. But now, it's my chance. 'Cause he's always saying I'm a monster so he can't "love" me. So if this monster is in love with him it'll definitely piss him off."

The grin on Shizuo's lips seemed to widen impossibly, showing the monster's teeth as he thought of his long awaited revenge –

"It's time that flea got a taste of his own shitty medicine."

 

It was at that moment that Tom's thoughts changed, and he decided he shouldn't worry about Shizuo, if anything, he should be worried for  _Izaya_  instead.

_Really, do you love him or hate him, Shizuo?_

Tom thought, but it was with amusement, for he was smiling at seeing Shizuo – Heiwajima Shizuo back to normal.

Even though Shizuo was in love, he hadn't changed. Tom knew Shizuo was at times self-deprecating, but he never changed for anyone. Seeing Shizuo so troubled from his feelings, he'd been a little apprehensive the man would change and put aside the strength which was part of him for the sake of that mystery "woman".

And Tom hadn't liked the notion – sure, being in love was a good thing for Shizuo and all, but wouldn't it mean he was shunning himself for her, so that she wouldn't shun him? Tom hadn't wanted his friend and kouhai to look down on himself even more. Shizuo might be violent, but he genuinely wanted peace, and Tom didn't see why he should have to force and shun himself for his own strength in dealing with love. Had she loved Shizuo back, he wouldn't have to go to such lengths to please her, she would have accepted him because she loved him and Shizuo's strength was a huge part of him.

Of course, there had been the possibility that the mystery "woman" hadn't loved Shizuo back, for he had said the person was afraid of him –but being Shizuo's friend, Tom hadn't really wanted to consider it; Shizuo had seemed so pessimistic, someone had to be the optimistic one and Tom would gladly take on that role.

_So maybe Izaya is 'good' for Shizuo – he can be in love and yet not have to be afraid of hurting the one he loves with his strength. Like Shizuo said, Izaya accepts him._

_Besides, Shizuo looks happy. And that's what's important, isn't it? Ah after seeing him depressed and silent for two weeks, it really is a huge change! Was his grin always that bright?_

 

As Tom smiled as he watched his kouhai, a voice indicated that half an hour had passed:

"I declare relief at seeing Shizuo-sempai smile again."

The two men turned and looked as their colleague walked towards them. Her lips quirked slightly and her stare was less stoic.

"I regret to say I do not regret eavesdropping, as the past two weeks have introduced the emotion of "worry" to me which I have identified as an unsettling feeling of restless paranoia, and in witnessing the previous scene, this "worry" has faded. Thus I believe I had the right to eavesdrop, sempai."

Shizuo blinked.

"Vorona."

He said. Then he smiled, raising a hand to his hair sheepishly.

"What are you, an assassin? I didn't notice you there at all. Anyway sorry for worrying you, I appreciate the concern, really."

Vorona, whom had stiffened at the word "assassin" which was coincidentally accurate to her true occupation, relaxed when she comprehended Shizuo's joking tone.

"You are welcome, Shizuo-sempai. I have gained the information from an unknown source that bottling one's feelings would only result in negative emotions – thus I would like to request Shizuo-sempai to not do so again in any case in the future."

"She's right."

Tom said once he had gotten over his surprise at Vorona's sudden appearance. He had not noticed her around either. He smiled at Shizuo as Vorona stood beside him.

"We're your friends, aren't we, Shizuo? You can tell us- you should have told us, really. I mean, I was really surprised and even shocked but more than that, I'm glad and relieved we've finally identified the problem. Like Vorona said, we've been worried about you."

"Is that so….?"

Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, an apologetic smile on his lips.

"Sorry for worrying you, Tom-san, Vorona."

"It's alright. After all, you're in love, aren't you? It's something great! Even though it's not a woman, you've always wanted to love someone, haven't you?"

"Yeah…I didn't know I was in love though. With Izaya of all people. I thought I was going crazy."

"I decided half pleasure, half displeasure for Ikebukuro."

Vorona spoke suddenly, and Shizuo and Tom turned to look at her.

"I profess to be lacking experience in romantic love, but I propose the case is the same?"

"Eh?"

"The situation of half, mixed feelings."

Vorona elaborated ambiguously, looking up at Shizuo with sky blue eyes.

"I recall a saying, "Love and hate are two sides of the same coin". Towards Orihara Izaya, confusion was apparent to Shizuo-sempai as Shizuo-sempai has not felt love, and was mixed up in the two similar emotions of hate and love."

"Is that so?"

"It is a possibility."

"I see…..so, what do I do now? I'm not good at dealing with feelings…."

"There are several options. However, to avoid misunderstanding, clarification is necessary."

"Huh?"

"I think she means to confirm what you're feeling for Izaya really is love."

Tom offered helpfully.

"Ah….how do I do that?"

"As I lack experience, I confess any suggested methods are not foolproof. Tanaka-sempai has already brought to you one of the methods, which is your reactions towards the assumed love. That method is clarified, I presume?"

"Well according to Tom-san, my reactions are as if I'm in love."

"Affirmative. Another method would make use of the axiom, "Actions speak louder than words". Execution of actions is required for confirmation."

"….I don't quite understand."

Tom had a half fond, half bemused expression on his face as he watched the kouhai teach her sempai something, as the sempai listened attentively, as if he was a student and she was a teacher.

"Allow me to rephrase, aggression rather than passiveness is required."

"…..So I should confess?"

"The act of confessing needs to be executed, I affirm. Imagination, though it provides apt visualization, differs from reality."

"…..That means what I imagine may not occur?"

"Affirmative."

"But I'm not imagining anything….I just discovered these feelings after all."

"Understandable – however, imagination, though not being accurate, remains necessary. In order to reach a compromise, and should reality not be executed yet, a simulation could occur to provide greater reference."

"Simulation…..means something fake, right? So I should do something fake to see reality…? That doesn't quite make sense."

It was almost comical how Shizuo was able to reply even though he wasn't entirely sure of what Vorona was saying due to her lack of fluency in Japanese.

It was as if Shizuo's brain only processed certain words to derive from them conclusions that were ironically accurate.

Perhaps that was why he got so angry at Izaya's words – the words were already bad and he picked out the worst meaning of them.

"Negative. Falseness."

Vorona seemed to pause a while, her eyebrows furrowing as she thought of how to phrase her words.

"Falseness…..should not be conjured to represent reality. Simulation carries the meaning of….act. To perform a situation in order to see a possible outcome."

"Act….like Kasuka does?"

Shizuo seemed to be contemplating to himself.

"You mean…..I should act out the scene of confession?"

Tom, who had been listening in amusement, finally spoke.

"If she's talking about acting, I think she means roleplay."

"Roleplay…..to play a role….affirmative. I propose we do a roleplay to clarify Shizuo-sempai's feelings."

As she processed the meaning of the word to describe what she had wanted to convey, Vorona nodded to Shizuo.

"That may be a good idea. There's one problem though…I don't think either of us can act like Izaya. It's Izaya after all."

Tom said uncomfortably with a wry smile.

"…..Affirmative. I too lack information on Orihara Izaya's behaviour. I apologize thus – Shizuo-sempai will have to rely on imagination in the proposed simulation. Closing one's eyes would help in such an act."

"…Alright. It's kind of weird, but if it'll help I suppose it's worth a try…..it's not like I actually know what to do."

"Although I am unable to represent Orihara Izaya, I shall provide presence to enhance simulation."

With those words, Vorona moved to stand directly in front of Shizuo, her blue eyes emotionless as normal even though she was involving herself in a scene of confession.

"…..Thanks, feel free to step away if I make you uncomfortable in any way."

With an appreciative smile to Vorona, Shizuo closed his eyes, and thought of the person whom had stubbornly stayed in his life for years.

 

 

"I like you."

Staring, then laughing and butchering of his name –

"Yeah. I know you hate me. I hated you too. I hated you so much."

Without thinking, Shizuo reached out as if to grab that arm waving a knife at him, his hand coming into contact with smooth skin –

"And I'm still not sure if my feelings are mixed up and if this isn't really hate. But…I like – no, I don't like you. I never liked you, shitty flea. I love you."

"Whether these words are true, whether this feeling is love, the fact that I can say these words…these words I never thought I would be able to say to anyone, gives me a warm feeling in my heart."

"And this feeling…..is almost like love. I don't know what love is like, I've never been in love. But this feeling - that hurts and yet feels so good at the same time – has to be love, right? Like those love stories Kasuka acts in. I hurt myself loving a bastard like you, but at the same time I'm happy to be able to love someone, even if it's you."

That voice, that smooth but annoying voice mocking him, taunting him, but unstable with surprise and shock –

"Yeah you can laugh all you want. No matter how much you laugh, these feelings won't change. This monster is in love with you, so you'll just have to deal with it, eh, fucking flea?"

"Because it's the truth. I love you…..Izaya."

The last sentence came out with a husky kind of roughness. With the natural huskiness of Shizuo's baritone voice – but with the roughness of Shizuo's released feelings – stumbling and shaky, but still there – with that abhorrent name that had occupied his life for years and continuing years – that name of the person whom had been subjected to the roughness and violence of his untamed feelings – with acceptance.

 

"….Shizuo-sempai."

Shizuo opened his eyes, and blinked at the sight of Vorona and Tom – before he remembered.

"Ahhh…..sorry….I guess I got carried away…"

Realizing he was holding Vorona's arm in an almost painful grip, he quickly released his hold on her, feeling guilty that he had unintentionally hurt his kouhai.

There was only one person whom he could hurt without feeling guilty – without fearing of hurting.

"Sorry Vorona…..are you alright?"

"I am fine."

Vorona said as she brushed off her arm. But Shizuo could see the slight marks his strong fingers had made –

Which made him feel even more guilty.

Though Vorona had lean muscles along her exposed arms, his grip had been so strong he could see bruises forming along her arm.

She suddenly seemed so fragile to him, as if, if he wasn't in control, he could break her arm with a twist of his wrist.

The thought sent a cold dread in his heart – that he could even hurt someone whom had willingly spent time with him.

"This is why…no one should stand in front of me…"

Those words were accidentally released into the air.

"Untrue….Shizuo-sempai means not to injure. In addition, I am well, worse injuries have been sustained and recovered."

Vorona seemed to be telling the truth, there was blank honesty in her eyes, and no trace of pain on her features.

But it didn't change the fact that he had hurt someone without even knowing.

Someone close to him.

"If she says she's fine, then she's fine, Shizuo. Vorona's a strong woman, you know?"

Tom seemed to have sensed Shizuo's troubled thoughts.

"I mean, you didn't break her arm or anything, right?"

_But I could._

Those words which had been meant to be reassuring incited more doubts in Shizuo's mind.

"Affirmative. Minor injuries aside, Shizuo-sempai was very coherent in his words. Although the purpose was for simulation, it more indicated reality. Shizuo-sempai was very honest, and honesty is appreciated in romantic confessions."

"Shizuo-sempai's emotions were very much present in his words. Although I have never been involved in the simulated situation, I…."

Vorona halted, as if contemplating on how to describe the feelings she had felt.

"Felt…..honoured. Perhaps honor is not too accurate a deduction…..but I felt as if Shizuo-sempai was very sincere. Regardless of my feelings towards Shizuo-sempai, I could feel Shizuo-sempai's sincerity."

"I am not Orihara Izaya and thus possess not his mindset and emotions – however, I maintain Shizuo-sempai's honesty – should Orihara Izaya disappoint, it would not be Shizuo-sempai's fault."

"Because Shizuo-sempai has already spoken from his heart."

  
Vorona's sky blue eyes met Shizuo's brown eyes as she said this, the last word spoken softly –

As if she too desired to feel from her heart –

As if she too desired feelings to speak from her heart.

  
"Thanks….Vorona."

Shizuo said with a smile at his first kouhai, feeling grateful for her help and honest words –

So unlike the flea.

"Yeah, Shizuo. Even though I wasn't even involved….I could tell you were being very honest with your feelings. And like Vorona said, that's good."

"Since it's Izaya, I doubt everything will go the way you want it to, however, what's important is to retain that honesty…I doubt even Izaya can ignore such sincerity."

Tom spoke as he gave Shizuo a reassuring smile. He moved forward, and gave a light, comradely punch to Shizuo's shoulder.

"You're definitely in love, Shizuo. Congratulations! Now go and get your man."

"Correction, Tanaka-sempai. Orihara Izaya is a noxious insect, thus the correct term would be "your flea"."

"Ah, is that so? Hahaha!"

"My flea….."

Shizuo murmured, a smile spreading across his lips.

"My flea. Yeah, I guess he is my flea. Even though he's such an annoying, shitty flea that should just die, he's an annoying, shitty flea who won't die and so he should be mine."

The words brought a grin onto Shizuo's face.

"Mine. That doesn't sound too bad."

-  _I've never really had anything that's mine_

_\- Except for this strength_

Feeling this was a new development in his life, Shizuo began:

"Tom-san. Can I…"

"Have the day off? Sure!"

Shizuo looked surprised.

"You need time to think, right?"

Shizuo nodded, and Tom said:

"I know. It's natural. You need to think over these new feelings."

"Yeah. I'll need time…."

"Sure, take your time. Love isn't something to be rushed."

"Thanks, Tom-san."

Shizuo smiled gratefully, feeling fortunate to have such an understanding superior and friend.

 

"….Shizuo-sempai."

Shizuo turned to look at his kouhai.

"Yeah?"

"I recall Shizuo-sempai relaying information about the 'flea' when I inquired if Orihara Izaya was Shizuo-sempai's sworn enemy. However, after processing this new information, I will revoke my will to exterminate Orihara Izaya."

Vorona said as she looked at Shizuo, her words curt. But she was meeting Shizuo's eyes.

It was then that Shizuo remembered he had told her about Izaya when she asked if Izaya was his sworn enemy, and then said she could eliminate Izaya for him.

He still didn't believe she was really going to exterminate the flea, but he had felt grateful for her words all the same –

Just like now.

Shizuo smiled. He reached his hand forward and patted her hair in appreciation, not noticing the light flush that crossed her cheeks at the affectionate gesture.

"Thank you."

 

 

_(To be Continued in Part II)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long chapter, so sorry for any mistakes. I'm feeling pretty horrible right now after my wisdom tooth operation so I couldn't check properly, but I did space the chapter out to make reading easier. My exam's also next week but I did say I'd update this week so here it is.


	4. Chapter 4

**Somewhere in Ikebukuro**

 

_I've been chasing him_

_For years. Years and years and years._

_-Even though I've never held back, even though I've been trying to kill him with every ounce of strength I've got, he's still not dead._

_-Somehow, he always manages to dodge, and get away._

_-When I unleash violence, everything around me is destroyed…_

_Except him._

 

These were Shizuo's thoughts as he walked along aimlessly after having been dismissed from work by Tom.

-Maybe I've been thinking of it the wrong way

-Instead of holding back because I don't want to hurt the one I love

_It's so easy for me to lose control_

\- What if I don't hold back…

\- And I still don't hurt the one I love?

\- That would be impossible with anyone…except Izaya.

_-To be able to be myself…and not be afraid of hurting the one I love_

_It kind of sounds like a dream._

In an unconscious action, his hand went to his pocket and pulled out his phone.

Shizuo blinked at his phone as if it had appeared in his hand on its own, before he realized why –

Vorona had advised him to get others' opinions on his feelings.

She had mentioned 'clarification' and 'acquaintances', so that was probably what she meant.

Thus with this thought in mind, Shizuo began to type a message to a person he knew he could trust.

[Hey Kasuka. I think I'm in love with Izaya]

When the message was sent, Shizuo closed his phone and slipped it into his pocket, as he continued walking through the city of Ikebukuro.

There were whispers around him, at the sight of the man in the bartender suit, but Shizuo was not aware of them.

He was more occupied with his own thoughts –

And the feelings raging in his heart.

Wanting, needing to be released.

  
His phone vibrated in his pocket, and his hand moved to pull it out.

It was only when the screen was in front of him with his brother's words that Shizuo tuned in back to reality.

[I didn't know you swung that way, Aniki. However, if you truly do love him, I'm happy for you. You've always wanted someone to love, haven't you?]

[Yeah. But like I told Tom-san, I don't think I swing that way, I think I just love him. I'm still not sure why though.]

As Kasuka seemed to be free since he could reply his message, Shizuo waited patiently for his brother's reply.

[There's no reason for love, Aniki. It just happens. I didn't know Ruri-san that well but I still fell in love with her. Orihara Izaya has been a part of your life for so long, it's not surprising for you to fall for him.]

Shizuo smiled at this. He had met the girl Ruri and he was glad his brother who had difficulty showing his emotions had found someone to love. He would like to meet her again, and thank her for trying to understand his brother.

As he had such thoughts, Shizuo was unaware the girl Ruri was one of the 'robbers' whom had stolen his attaché case in front of him and whom he had sent flying with a park bench along with another unknown figure.

Such was this case where ignorance was bliss for the man in a bartender suit.

  
Realizing the conversation was not supposed to be about Kasuka's love life – but his, Shizuo deleted the words he had typed so that he would not be distracted.

[I guess. So…what should I do?]

He did not have to wait long for Kasuka's reply.

[Perhaps you could confess. I know you keep your feelings bottled inside because you don't want to trouble others, and it isn't healthy]

Shizuo's heart skipped a beat at that kanji word he could read.

He typed the next message slowly – slower than usual.

[Confess…thinking of it makes me nervous. I mean, it's Izaya. It's the flea. What if he rejects me?]

In a display of nervousness, Shizuo closed his phone but kept it in his hand as he walked along, trying not to think of the scene that made his heart race like the train to Shinjuku on the Yamanote Line.

His phone vibrated in his hand again and his heart jumped as if there had been a dent in the railway.

[I can't say if he will reject you. But I know you should confess to him, because at least there will be a chance. There are not many people who care to know you, there aren't many people who don't fear you, you told me yourself. Are you going to throw away this chance at a relationship?]

As usual, Kasuka shed light on the situation. He always honestly said what needed to be said.

[Relationship….I've never thought of it before. Is that even possible? Me….and Izaya.]

The word relationship was a foreign word to Shizuo. Not because he did not want to have a relationship, but because he believed he could not have a relationship without hurting the person with his strength.

[Why not? You do not want a relationship because you are afraid of hurting the person. But you have never been able to hurt Izaya, have you? Even when you wanted to. What makes you think that will change?]

[Actually, I did hurt him….and so he's afraid of me now.]

The words seemed even more depressing in reality.

[Brother, are we talking about the same person here? Are we talking about Orihara Izaya? It's impossible for him to be afraid of you. It's as impossible as the strength you possess. It's as impossible as it is for me to show emotion if it's not acting. It's as impossible as it is for you to not show strong feelings towards him, whether it's hate or love. I'm sure it's a misunderstanding. If he hasn't been afraid of you for eight years, why would he be afraid of you now?]

[I don't know. But maybe you're right, Kasuka. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. Maybe that damn flea is playing a prank on me, like Tom-san said. Sounds like him.]

Shizuo smiled at these words, for it made sense to him. It was just like the shitty flea.

Maybe Izaya wasn't really afraid of him at all?

[That's right. I really don't think he is afraid of you. No matter how violent you are towards him, he never fears you. So you don't have to worry about that. You don't have to worry about hurting him. Thus I would still advise you to confess. Be honest with your feelings, Aniki.]

[Alright, Kasuka. Thanks for listening to me.]

[You're welcome, Aniki. I have to get back to work now. Best wishes.]

Shizuo smiled and closed his phone, slipping it back into his pocket.

 

\- Maybe, just maybe…

\- It's a dream that can come true.

\- That can become reality.

_My reality._

A genuine smile was on the man in a bartender suit's face as he walked through the crowd in the city of Ikebukuro.

As if he was as human as everyone around him.

With the emotion he felt in his heart.

 

 

**An indeterminable amount of time later, in Ikebukuro**

 

"Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo almost jolted at the sound of that name –

Before he realized the voice was too feminine to be Izaya's.

He turned, and was met with the sight of Kadota's female companion.

"Karisawa…"

"Shizu-Shizu –"

Karisawa's words were cut off when her mouth dropped open –

"You're smiling!"

"…Is that bad?"

Shizuo asked curiously. Did he look scary when he smiled?

But Karisawa's smile seemed to brighten.

"Of course not! It's just that you don't smile often, that's all. You should smile more! You're such a bishonen when you smile! Although you're also a bishonen when you don't smile – in a cool way!"

"Ah, I see."

It seemed Shizuo's brain had only computed the advice for him to smile more, as he smiled at the girl.

"Sooooo….."

"Yeah?"

Shizuo asked, unaware of the glint in Karisawa's eyes.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because I'm happy."

Shizuo replied honestly with that smile on his face.

"And…why are you happy?"

There seemed to be excitement bubbling behind Karisawa's expression.

"Well…it's kind of embarrassing."

Despite his words, Shizuo's smile seemed to widen.

"Oh don't worry! I won't tell anyone, whatever it is!"

At this, Shizuo raised a hand to the back of his neck, warmth rising to his cheeks.

"I'm kind of….."

"Kind of, kind of?"

"In….love…."

"Love?!"

  
Karisawa seemed to be jumping up and down on the spot. She seemed even happier he was in love than he was.

Strange woman.

"Who?! Girl? Guy? It's a guy right! It's Izayan right!?"

"How did you know?"

Shizuo was genuinely surprised, for he knew the people whom he had told his feelings for Izaya to would never tell anyone else.

"Wah, I knew it! I knew it would come true! You and Iza-Iza are so cute together!"

Karisawa looked like she had just won the lottery. The grin on her face was so wide Shizuo thought it could split her face in half.

"We're not together. I just love him that's all."

"Awww!"

Karisawa's eyes shone.

"You're so honest and straightforward, I knew you were the seme!"

"Seme? Anyway he doesn't love me back, so…"

"Izayan is in the denial stage now."

Karisawa said wisely as if she knew what she was talking about.

"He does love you back, he just doesn't know how to show it."

"Really? How do you know?"

Shizuo said curiously, though he couldn't stop the little shred of hope that had grown in his heart.

Erika just smiled.

"Have you confessed?"

"Actually, no. Even if it's Izaya, I gotta work up the courage. I'm bad at stuff like this. Actually, since it's Izaya, it's even harder for me to confess to that shitty flea."

"Oh don't worry, I'm sure he'll blush and accept your lovely confession! Don't mind if he's a bit tsundere! He's your uke after all!"

"….Uke? What's that?"

"Oh you'll see!"

"Well I don't know if he's my uke, whatever that is. I only know he's my flea. But I do know I love him. And even though it's pretty impossible, I'd like for him to love me back."

Shizuo said the words with hope in his voice.

Hope that made him seem human.

"…Sorry, I got a bit carried away."

Karisawa said, to Shizuo's surprise. She was smiling, not a giddy smile, but a genuine smile.

"If it's real and you really do love him, then he'd be your boyfriend and lover."

"Boyfriend sounds a bit weird, since it's Izaya. But lover, huh? That means we'll be close, right?"

Erika nodded, and Shizuo thought with a smile.

"Having a lover sounds nice."

Erika's smile widened.

"You're so sweet."

"Sweet? I like sweet things, but I'm not sweet. With this strength….."

He clenched his fist, the smile fading away from his face.

"I'm destructive and ugly. I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster, Shizuo."

Erika said in such a serious tone that Shizuo blinked at her.

"Trust me. You're not a monster. Real monsters -"

Her lips curled in a strange way.

"- Enjoy hurting and killing people. They derive enjoyment from people's pain. And because hurting and killing people excites them, they do it again and again…and again."

"You may have that impossible strength, but you don't use it to harm people intentionally, except Izaya."

Shizuo stared as Erika's eyes went from dark to bright.

"Oh but I suppose that's because it's your way of showing your love to him! Then when he gets hurt you'll go all soft and comfort him! Kyaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"…"

 

Karisawa was weird, but Shizuo felt grateful to her all the same. He had been called a monster so many times by so many people and Izaya he had grown inclined to think he was one himself. He had never thought people other than Celty and Kasuka and Tom would tell him he wasn't a monster.

Kadota sure had picked a weird but kind woman as his friend.

"Thanks…..Not many people believe that. They fear me after all."

Shizuo said. The smile seemed to be back on his face again.

"There's nothing to fear about you. Once someone gets to know you, Shizuo, know you as the person you are, they'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. You have too kind a heart."

"But no problem! You really are so sweet, I knew I picked a brilliant seme for stubborn Izayan!"

Karisawa's eyes seemed to glitter with imaginary stars.

"You're so honest it's cute! Oh if only there was someone dominant enough to be your seme – oh but that would mean you wouldn't be with Izayan, and I can't accept that!"

Shizuo blinked as she seemed passionate for a reason unknown to him.

"I don't care if you two switch! You and Izayan belong together!"

"Karisawa!"

Karisawa's eyes lit up even further and she seemed to be reflecting the sun's light this time.

"Dotachin!"

"Seriously, don't run away just like that, Yumasaki's sulking because you left him – Shizuo?"

"Hey Kadota."

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Nothing much. I was just walking around and she called me."

Shizuo said as he gestured to the girl with a cap.

"Dotachin! I was just talking with Shizu-Shizu about his love for Izayan!"

"Karisawa!"

Kadota took on a reprimanding tone to the widely smiling girl who stood on the street which would have been peaceful had it not been for her words.

"I told you not to say disgusting stuff like that! Sorry Shizuo just ignore her, she's always like this."

"….Disgusting?"

The smile was gone from Shizuo's face.

"Disgusting, huh…..well I suppose I'm a monster so it is disgusting…..for me to love…."

Shizuo's expression had darkened, and it was as if there was an invisible storm above his head.

The people in the less crowded street took one look at the disturbance to the peace –

And fled at the sight of a bartender suit.

"Eh? No I didn't mean that – it's not disgusting for you to love, Shizuo, wait when did I say that?!"

Kadota seemed to be confused and panicking with his own words.

"…You said my love for Izaya is disgusting, didn't you?"

Shizuo glared at Kadota, his eyes flashing behind his sunglasses.

"Eh? Yeah – wait –"

Kadota stared at Shizuo, as if suddenly understanding –

"It's real? Not Karisawa's fantasy? You really love Izaya?"

"Yeah even if it's Izaya I'm in love so I should hope it's real. I hope these feelings are real….they seem real…they're real right?"

"…Argh, whatever, it's real! How can it not be real when I feel so much…?!"

"Of course it's real! How can they not be real, when they make you smile? When knowing you love Izayan, makes you smile?"

"When knowing you can love….makes you happy? Shizuo."

"….How can they not be real, huh? Then I guess they're real….I'm glad."

As if he had never been angry, Shizuo was now smiling again at the feelings in his heart.

"Yeah, being able to love, it makes me happy."

"…..Sorry, Shizuo. I misunderstood. If you really are in love, I'm happy for you. Doesn't matter if it's not a woman. It doesn't even matter that it's Izaya."

As he spoke, Kadota gave his friend a true smile, reaching forward to pat his shoulder encouragingly.

"Then, I guess the next step is to confess, huh?"

"…Ahhhhh…..everyone is talking about confessing…it makes me nervous."

A light flush appeared on Shizuo's cheeks as he said this, and Kadota stared in wonder –

At the sight of Heiwajima Shizuo blushing.

"Wah- so cute! Shizu-chan's blushing! So cute!"

At Karisawa's words, Shizuo sent a glare to the girl, muttering.

"Shut up! And stop using that stupid nickname, it reminds me of the flea."

"Okay! After all only Izayan can call you that, right? That's so cute!"

"I didn't say that!"

A vein was starting to throb in Shizuo's temple.

  
Knowing Shizuo wouldn't hit women, but not wanting the man in a bartender suit to lose his temper, Kadota interjected quickly.

"Calm down, Shizuo. She's just teasing. Anyway you don't have to confess if you're not ready, but you should, you know? Don't push yourself though, just do it when you feel you're ready."

"Or at that moment! At a nice romantic moment when you have him alone and nake –mph!"

"What she means is that you have to find that right atmosphere, when you feel you can tell your feelings to him without it being too awkward."

"Ah I see."

Kadota removed his hand from Karisawa's mouth.

"Hey Karisawa, can you go back first? I'll catch up later."

"….Hmmm, okay! I know you want your bro-bro touching moment with Shizu-Shizu! Catch you later, Dotachin!"

With those words and a grin, Karisawa turned and practically skipped away.

Kadota sighed, then turned back to Shizuo.

"Shizuo. I don't want to sound discouraging..…but are you sure you're in love? With Izaya?"

Kadota spoke the words slowly and carefully in order to not agitate the man in a bartender suit.

"Yeah. Feelings are confusing, like I told Tom-san. But I told my feelings to people, Tom-san, Vorona, Kasuka, and now Karisawa and you. And they seem to think I'm in love. So I guess I'm in love."

"Besides, they make me feel a way I've never felt before. All I've felt is anger and frustration and sometimes I feel peace. And right now, I feel peace, and something else. I didn't even notice I was smiling until Karisawa pointed it out. So I guess this something else must be happiness. Happiness that I'm capable of love."

As he said this, Shizuo was smiling as he raised his gaze to the sky, as if thanking the heavens for letting a monster like him love.

"And it's probably just wishful thinking, but since I can love, since I found out I can love, and love is the strongest emotion, maybe….just maybe it'll help me control my strength. Maybe love is strong enough to help me control the monster inside me."

"Because if I'm free to love, without being afraid I'll hurt the person, even though it sounds like a dream, that's something I really want. When I think about it, I don't really care if it's Izaya. I don't care it's the flea. I only care that I can't hurt him, and so I can love him freely. To me it's like things make sense, and I feel at peace."

It was unknown whether Shizuo was talking to himself or Kadota, as he sounded distracted but happy.

 

"I see."

Kadota said, and Shizuo lowered his gaze from the sky.

Kadota was smiling.

"Good thing Karisawa's not here, or I'll never hear the end of it, but I agree with her. You really do love him, Shizuo. You really are in love."

"I never thought I'd see the day. It's quite a shock, to find out you're in love and with Izaya of all people. But it makes you happy, so I'm happy for you."

Kadota said as he met Shizuo's eyes behind his sunglasses. The brown haired man gave a thumbs up.

"I don't like his sneaky ways, but you're a good guy, Shizuo. Good luck with Izaya."

"Thanks, Kadota. Then, I guess I'm going now. See you."

"See you, Shizuo."

Exchanging smiles, the two men turned and parted.

 

 

**Several minutes later, in a van parked on Otome Road**

 

"So? So? He's in love right? He's in love with Izayan right?"

"Yeah."

"I told you! I told you Dotachin! Yumacchi you owe me ten thousand yen!"

"Whaaaaat?! Is that true, Kadota-san?!"

"Yeah. Shizuo loves Izaya."

Kadota said as if he still couldn't believe it himself.

"So it's not just Karisawa's BL fantasies influenced by Otome Road?!"

"Apparently not."

"Yumacchi! Anyway Shizu-Shizu and I weren't on Otome Road – we were in the street near Tokyu Hands! He didn't even notice me when I followed him! And he looked happy so I asked him why and he said he was in love! With Izayan! Kyaaaaaaaa!"

"Wait! The bet was that Shizuo and Izaya are in love, right? Well Shizuo's in love with Izaya but the other side hasn't responded!"

"Oh what are you talking about? Of course Izayan is in love with Shizu-chan!"

"No! It's not proven yet! I need the ten thousand yen to buy my Taiga figurine!"

"Whaat?! Yumacchi! I need your ten thousand yen to buy my BL manga! Fine then I guess I'll have to stalk Shizu-Shizu and find out when he confesses to Izayan! Kyaaaaaa!"

"…..Shizuo in love with Izaya? Seriously? And here I was thinking things couldn't get any crazier….what am I saying, I'm stuck with a crazy Otaku duo. Why the hell is my life like this? Luckily there's Kadota-san."

"So mean, Togusacchi!"

"Please don't stalk Shizuo, Karisawa. Especially if he's confessing to Izaya. You'll die by vending machine."

Kadota said, sighing. He leaned back, looking out the window of the van into the peaceful city with a wry smile.

"Heiwajima Shizuo in love…..with Orihara Izaya…Just what will this city give us next?"

 

 

**An hour later, outside Russia Sushi**

 

"Sushi! Come eat delicious sushi! Russia Sushi! It good! No human meat!"

An abnormally tall black Russian man called out with a smile as he handed out flyers to unsuspecting and daunted passerbys.

As people scattered warily away from him, he noticed a tall blond man with sunglasses.

"Shi-zu-o!"

"Hey Simon."

Shizuo raised his hand with a smile as he strolled along.

"Shi-zu-o look happy. That good. No violence good!"

"Yeah, I'm happy 'cause I'm in love."

"Love? Shi-zu-o find woman?"

"Not woman. Flea."

"Izaya?"

"Yeah."

Simon raised his big hand to his head as he considered this new development with a frown.

But he soon smiled.

"Shi-zu-o look happy, not like in puberty. Shi-zu-o in love – love bring peace! Shi-zuo want peace, yes?"

"Yeah. I want peace."

Shizuo smiled as he looked up into the sky.

"Then this good. Shi-zu-o in love with Izaya mean no violence. No violence means peace. Ikebukuro peaceful!"

"Hah! I doubt that. Since it's the flea and all I'll always get mad. But yeah, I do feel more peaceful."

"No matter. Love will help. Love bring peace. Shi-zu-o confess?"

"Ahhh…not yet. I've never confessed before."

"Worry not. Shi-zu-o honest. Shi-zu-o honest man. Confession no problem!"

"Heh I hope so. Well see you later, Simon."

With a smile and wave, Shizuo continued on his way. Simon smiled after him.

"Take care, Shi-zuo!"

"Yeah."

 

**Half an hour later**

  
"Hey Simon. I'm here for the usual ootoro."

"Izaya."

"By the way, I think I saw Shizu-chan around. He was smiling. It was really disturbing. What's he so happy about? The last time I saw him he looked like the whole world was against him and just now he looked like the whole world was on his side. Tch, as if this world would ever accept a monster."

"I wanted to go and disturb him, you know? But I almost forgot, I'm supposed to be afraid of him. Haha. Hahahaha!"

"Maybe Shi-zu-o happy because Shi-zuo in love."

"Love? Love!"

Izaya let out a bark of laughter.

"Don't make me laugh! What, has Karisawa and her partner been around? Are you reading shoujo manga now? Don't worry, I won't judge!"

Izaya smirked as he said this, as if he was imagining the comical scene of the big Russian man surrounded by piles of shoujo manga -

Or the monster in love.

"Thinking of a monster in love, it's so disgusting. He's a monster so he can't love - and who will love a monster anyway? Definitely not me!"

Izaya laughed at his own words as if they were the funniest thing he heard all day.

"I love only humans after all!"

As he said his favourite words, Izaya strolled happily inside the restaurant, as Simon followed him.

  
"Izaya."

Simon said as the information broker sat down with an amused smirk on his face.

"Yeah?"

Simon paused, then inwardly shook his head.

The words were Shizuo's to tell.

"You pretend to be afraid of Shi-zu-o, no good. It hurt him."

"Haha! Well that's exactly what I want! I want to hurt him, hurt him and hurt him – and kill him."

"But since I can't kill him, it's okay, as long as he just dies already. Seriously, why won't he die?"

Frustration was shaded under Izaya's smirk.

"Anyway, I should reveal it soon, shouldn't I? That it was all an act. Ahhhh….he'll be so, so angry. Just imagining it…I can't wait any longer!"

"Haha…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya laughed aloud, the sound so loud passer-bys peered into the restaurant and whispered amongst themselves about the crazy sounding man.

 

"Ты никогда не убивал. Ты никогда не пачкал свои руки кровью."

Izaya paused in his laughter and turned to Simon, who had spoken in Russian. The black man had a sombre expression on his shadowed face filled with past regrets.

"Не говори так легко об убийстве, Изая. Не делай из себя такого плохого парня. Не уничтожай сердце того мужчины."

"Я и так уже плохой парень. Но, не важно, Саймон."

Izaya responded back in Russian with a wry smile. He leaned back, stretching his arms leisurely.

"Anyway, where's my ootoro? I'm hungry! I didn't come here to talk about that monster you know! Why does everything come back to him? He's always there somehow, somewhere in my plans, no matter how much I consider all possibilities….."

"It's so annoying."

Izaya's black hair shaded his eyes and only a dry smirk was visible on his face.

"Не заходи слишком далеко, Изая."

Izaya looked up, but Simon was already walking away.

A malevolent smirk crossed the beautiful features of the dangerous man's face.

"Who said I haven't already gone too far?"

 

 

_(To be Continued in Part III)_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ты никогда не убивал. Ты никогда не пачкал свои руки кровью."  
> -"You have never killed. You have never dirtied your hands with blood."
> 
> "Не говори так легко об убийстве, Изая. Не делай из себя такого плохого парня. Не уничтожай сердце того мужчины."  
> -"Do not speak about killing so easily, Izaya. Do not make yourself into that bad of a man. Do not destroy that man's heart."
> 
> "Я и так уже плохой парень. Но, не важно, Саймон."  
> -"I am already a bad man. But whatever, Simon."
> 
> "Не заходи слишком далеко, Изая."  
> -"Do not go too far, Izaya."


	5. Chapter 5

**South Ikebukuro Park, evening**

 

"Hey Celty…."

Shizuo began as he took a puff on his cigarette. A sense of déjà vu tugged at him as he looked at the beautiful sunset dyed in ruby red.

But this sense of familiarity was nowhere near as important as the issue he wanted to discuss with the Headless Rider, and was thus brushed aside unconsciously.

"Can I ask you something?"

[Eh? Yeah sure, since you called me here. It must be important, right?]

The woman in a rider suit showed these concerned words to the man in a bartender suit.

It was an instance in which the two urban legends were together again, and the people left in the park wisely chose to keep their distance -

The people who had not fled at the sight of a bartender suit.

"Kind of. How do you know you love Shinra?"

[E-Eh?!]

Shizuo blinked as Celty seemed to panic.

"….Sorry."

He looked at Celty in concern.

"Was that too personal? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

[No…I was just surprised…Give me a moment to think about it.]

"Okay."

Shizuo said acceptingly, turning and staring off into the distance.

It didn't take long for a PDA to soon appear in front of his face:

[I know I love Shinra]

The next sentence soon appeared-

[Because he makes me happy. Because he makes me feel]

[In this world, where I was lost without a sense of identity. Where I was alone]

"Celty."

[Shinra accepted me, he accepted me wholeheartedly…]

If Celty had a head, Shizuo could imagine there were tears in her eyes.

[He accepted me for this…monster I am. Shinra is my solace. He's my salvation. He's my saviour. He showed me love. He taught me how to love.]

[When I didn't know my feelings for him, when I rejected them because I was afraid, he waited. He was patient]

The words on the PDA were stiff, in contrast to how Celty's shoulders were trembling slightly-

[And that was when I realized, he really loved me]

"I see."

[…..I don't know when I fell in love with him]

Celty seemed to have calmed down, and if she had a voice, Shizuo could imagine it was stable again, with undercurrents of uncontrollable emotion.

[But I know, in my heart, in the heart Shinra showed me I have, that I love him]

"….Ahhh…"

Shizuo said, and Celty jolted as she saw what looked like tears in his eyes.

"You're making me cry."

[Eh?! What? Why?! Don't cry, Shizuo!]

[Ahhh, what do I do?!]

Celty seemed to be typing to herself, and it made Shizuo laugh.

"Nah."

Shizuo said, raising his gaze and brushing the back of his hand against his eyes.

"I just felt, touched. Hearing you speak about Shinra like that. Hell, it made me raise my opinion of him a little. Usually I think he's just an annoying fly who can't stop speaking nonsense, no offence Celty."

[None taken.]

Celty reassured. She wondered about Shizuo's tendency to label those who annoyed him as insects, with Izaya as the flea and Shinra as a fly. Well, Shinra did seem to have as much energy as a fly, buzzing around her…with sweet words…

Trails of pink smoke leaked from Celty's helmet. Shizuo blinked as they brushed past the smoke from his cigarette.

"Celty?"

[N-Nothing!]

Celty seemed to be embarrassed.

[A-Anyway, what's with the sudden question?]

"Ah." Shizuo realized. He sighed.

"I guess since you told me about your feelings for Shinra, I have to tell you about my own, huh?"

[You…love someone?]

Celty asked carefully, and Shizuo nodded.

[I-It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. I mean, love is a confusing emotion, and it's the first time you've fallen in love, right?]

She 'said', concerned for Shizuo's feelings.

[I don't know who the woman is, but you seem troubled. Are you afraid you'll hurt her?]

"It isn't a woman…..Unfortunately."

Shizuo sighed, raising his hand to his hair.

"Ah, there goes my wish to have kids…"

Shizuo said mournfully, as if he was more troubled by not being able to have kids of his own than being in love with a man.

[Not a woman? It's a man?]

Shizuo nodded. Celty hesitated, then typed.

[It's okay…love is love. The gender of the person doesn't matter.]

Celty revealed sincerely. More than anything, she was happy that Shizuo had finally found someone to love, and she voiced these thoughts to him.

[Since it's you, Shizuo, I'm sure you'll treat that man well.]

"Haha."

Shizuo smiled in amusement at the thought of treating the flea well -

"Will I?"

[Of course! You're a good guy, Shizuo.]

"Thanks, Celty."

[I'm only telling the truth, Shizuo. You're a good guy, and anyone would be lucky to have you.]

Shizuo smiled, and had Celty had a face, she would have smiled back. He and Celty shared a moment in peaceful silence.

  
[So…are you going to tell me who it is?]

"Ah,"

Shizuo said as if he had just remembered.

"It's Izaya."

[….I-IZAYA?!]

Celty almost dropped her PDA.

"Yeah. I love Izaya."

Shizuo said those words as if they were the honest truth, as if he was not saying them for the first time.

[…..Really?]

Celty asked, knowing Shizuo would not talk about something serious like love unless he was serious, but needing to confirm whether it was with the man Shizuo hated with a passion.

"Yeah. I was shocked too. I'm not sure how love feels like, but I think this feeling is love."

"'Cause, I realized, Izaya accepted me like Shinra accepted you. And he makes me feel. He makes me feel so much. When I see the shitty flea I feel anger and frustration but when I don't see him I feel different things. Especially when I think of him being afraid of me. I still get angry when I think about him but when I think about how I love him, how I must be in love with him, how he can make me feel love, I feel much more calm and peaceful. 'Cause I think Simon said, love brings peace?"

Celty, who had been inwardly gagging as she was reminded of how Karisawa said how Shizuo was in love with Izaya had brought up a disgusting scene of Shizuo and Izaya in love in her metaphorical head, calmed down when she heard Shizuo speak about Izaya, feeling a sense of relief as she looked at the honest blond man.

"…..Tsk. Anyway it's totally like that fucking flea. To be out of my world."

[Your world?]

"Yeah. He's a guy who pisses me off, but at the same time when I'm not seeing him, he isn't pissing me off. It was easy before, there was just that pissing me off part but now it's gotten more complicated. People either piss me off or don't, so how can that bastard do both at the same time?!"

Shizuo seemed to be suddenly frustrated at this new realization. But before Celty could communicate to him, he was speaking again:

"But somehow, I'm not pissed off that he's not pissing me off. I'm only annoyed that though he pisses me off, he can also not piss me off. But at the same time, I'm kind of glad."

[Glad?]

"Yeah. Since he can not piss me off that means I can love him normally, right? But he also pisses me off yet he doesn't get hurt, so I can also love him freely. If I don't have to hold back on this – flea who I don't consider a normal human maybe I can even…..learn to control my own power."

Shizuo spoke the last words of the sentence with a sense of wonder and hope, as if the mere notion had his heart beating a little faster.

[Really? Why do you think that, Shizuo?]

Celty questioned, genuinely curious for that was what Shizuo had always wanted – to be able to control his strength so he wouldn't hurt the people around him.

Had she had a voice, it would have shared the hope that was in Shizuo's.

"Why….well, the flea's kind of like an experiment, see? Hm maybe experiment isn't quite it, but how do I say this, I never hold back on that fucking flea. It's instinctual for me not to hold back, so I don't think that's gonna change even if I'm now in love with him."

"But things will also be different now that I love him. If I don't hold back and he doesn't get hurt maybe….maybe I can be close to someone and don't have to worry about them getting hurt. Even if it's just one person, even if it's Izaya. And I think….that feeling….will be the first step to controlling this strength of mine."

Despite this new realization, Shizuo's tone had returned to normal. The wonder was gone and it was as if he was speaking calmly about a hypothetical situation which would be unlikely to happen –

Even though it was likely he wanted more than anything for it to happen.

To attain what he had always desired –

Control over his own strength.

Rather than giving customary replies, Celty seemed to be deeply thinking on whether Shizuo's theory would work.

So she communicated no words to Shizuo.

As if Shizuo knew that, he merely continued –

As if he was speaking to himself when he was speaking to the one in a rider suit with whom he did not need words to feel comfortable with.

"Besides, whether he pisses me off or not I can still love him. He's out of my world so I can just love him. He's just a flea after all so the attention I give him is different."

"And even if he doesn't love me, that's fine. …Well to be honest, I've always wanted to be loved like a normal person, but it's the flea so that's unlikely."

"But I think, the reason why I wanted to be loved is because I wanted someone who's not afraid of me. Like you, Celty, but you're different since we're both the same. We both aren't considered human."

[I see. So you just wanted someone to care?]

Celty asked as she thought back to the time when Shizuo had told her about his past and how he came to be the way he was.

Or rather – how he didn't know how he came to be the way he was.

Heiwajima Shizuo was a mystery even to himself.

"Not exactly. I know you care about me but it's not the same, though I'm grateful to have met you."

As he spoke, Shizuo gave the helmet an appreciative smile.

But the smile was not directed to the empty helmet.

It was directed to his friend, the Headless Rider.

[I am too, Shizuo :).]

Shizuo's smile widened at Celty's words as if he could see the woman without a face smiling.

"Yeah. So anyway I wanted a….human who wasn't afraid of me. Who could accept me. So that she could love me. Well turns out I got that human, even though it's a man. 'Cause even if he's a flea, Izaya isn't indestructible like you and I. He's different from us."

"Different from me."

The murmured words left Shizuo's lips, his eyes half lidded behind his sunglasses.

"And yet, he's not afraid of me, even though he calls me a monster. So he won't love me, but at least I can love him."

A serene smile appeared on Shizuo's face.

"So yeah, I guess I'm just happy to be in love. ….Kind of weird, huh?"

 

_\- Shizuo….._

Though she could not bring herself to accept Karisawa's fantasy, she could bring herself to accept Shizuo's words from his heart.

_\- That look on his face….that peaceful smile on this man's face….he really is in love_

_\- You say you've always wanted to be loved, but you're content with just being able to love._

_\- Deep down in your heart, you've always wanted someone to love, haven't you, Shizuo?_

_\- You've always wanted to be as human as the rest of us._

_\- Even if it's Izaya, seeing you like this….how can I not accept it? If he accepts you, and if he's the key to you gaining control over your strength…..because you love him._

_\- I'm happy for you, Shizuo. You deserve it. You deserve to finally be able to love._

  
Smiling in her heart she knew existed from her love for a certain eccentric underground doctor, Celty displayed these thoughts to Shizuo:

[Shizuo. If you really are in love….I'm happy for you. You look happy in a way I've never seen you before, as if you've finally found your peace.]

[And maybe you're right, love brings peace. But, I have to be honest with you. Since it's Izaya, your peace may not last long.]

[I understand how you think he's the perfect person for you to love. I even hope you're right and loving him yet not holding back will really help you control your strength like you've always wanted. It does make sense, even if I don't like him and think you could do better. But if you confess to him….he may just destroy your fantasy.]

[You know what kind of guy Izaya is. I'm not telling you not to confess to him, but….just don't get your hopes up too high. Okay, Shizuo?]

"Yeah, I know that. It's the flea after all. That's kind of also why I'm nervous about confessing to him."

Shizuo said, as he leaned his head back and looked at the evening sky.

"But I'm not the kind of guy to passively wait, especially since it's the flea. I've never been passive with him, and I'm not gonna start now, just 'cause I'm in love with him. I'm gonna let him know my feelings, and if he doesn't like that I'm in love with him, that's his own fucking problem, eh?"

As he said such blunt words, a ferocious grin crossed Shizuo's face, wiping away the peaceful smile as if he was imagining Izaya's frustrated reaction to his confession.

"Yeah it's probably gonna piss him off. Ahhh thinking of it makes me feel less nervous. It's just the flea after all. What the hell am I worrying so much for? Hahahaha!"

Shizuo seemed to be laughing at himself in amusement.

"Anyway he probably hasn't received a confession before since he's such a bastard – well there were women following him around back in school worshipping him and all but it was 'cause he manipulated them, so if I confess it'll probably be the first serious confession he's received, and that's gonna shock him bad."

"And since it's from me whom he always calls a monster the shock is gonna be multiplied by 0.00000000678958% times 1000000000000. Which means he'll be really shocked – hopefully enough to give him a literal shock! Hahahaha, wouldn't that be great?!"

Celty just shook her neck with a wryly fond smile in her heart as Shizuo grinned as if he was picturing the flea being literally shocked from his words.

"Maybe if I'm lucky the shock would reach his brain and shut him up from saying any shitty words. It'd save me the trouble of kissing him to shut him up."

Shizuo said triumphantly, oblivious to how Celty had seemed to choke at his words as shadow poured out of where her head should be.

"But I'll probably end up kissing him anyway, since I'm better at actions than words. Kasuka said I'm bad at words and that flea's so good at them and he wields his shitty words like his knives but he can't beat me in actions."

"Thinking of it…..kind of makes me want to run to Shinjuku to confess now. Should I?"

Shizuo seemed to be seriously thinking, but before Celty could flash her PDA in panic, he spoke again -

"Ahhh wait….he's still afraid of me, right? I almost forgot. Wait is he even afraid of me anyway? I bet the shitty flea is pretending like Tom-san said. Tch."

"But this wouldn't be a good time to confess huh…when can I confess then?...Argh I want to hurry up and confess already! Not confessing makes me feel nervous and HOW THE HELL CAN A SHITTY FLEA MAKE ME FEEL NERVOUS?!"

[LOL. Calm down Shizuo.]

Celty couldn't resist from laughing silently as Shizuo tugged at his blond hair in frustration, adjusting his sunglasses as he paced nervously, crushing the cigarette he had tossed onto the ground.

[You're probably the only person who wants to confess as soon as possible instead of delaying it. Which is good, but don't rush it, okay?]

"…Right….no rush, no rush. Take it slow…..I hate taking things slow! If there's something to be done then just do it!"

Shizuo seemed to have a different opinion from Celty as he shook his fist in the air, but he didn't seem about to rush off to Shinjuku either.

[True, true. Time waits for no man. But for something emotional like this, it's better to go at a slower pace. In romance, in love, you've just got to go with the flow.]

"…..Go with the flow, huh? Alright then, I shouldn't rush off to Shinjuku huh….."

[Definitely not, I think it would be too much of a shock for even him. And it may shut him up, but he might not be able to respond properly. Izaya thinks you're already unpredictable, and if you do that, you're gonna shock him even more with your unpredictability….I wouldn't be surprised if he faints.]

"Actually, it'd be good if he faints, then he won't be spouting shitty words and I can hold him close without hearing his annoying voice."

Shizuo smiled as if he was thinking of a silent fainted flea, his posture now relaxed and his shoulders less stiff.

[Right….but anyway now's really not a good time to confess, take some time before you do it, okay? I'm not doubting your feelings for Izaya even if it's Izaya of all people…..I just don't want you to rush into it. Let those feelings stay in your heart for a while until you feel you can release them.]

"….Alright, if you say so Celty. I like these feelings anyway, I'd like to keep them for a while longer before the flea gets involved."

"Not that they're gonna fade away anytime soon but like you said, it's Izaya. He'd probably piss me off and I may just forget I love him."

"And I don't want that. I don't want to forget this feeling I feel in my heart. This emotion called love."

As he spoke, Shizuo raised his hand to clutch at his shirt, as if his strength would help him keep the feeling in his heart.

[Don't worry. I know it's the first time you've been in love so you're worried. But love doesn't work that way, once you realize you love someone, you can't forget you love them even if you wanted to. Trust me, I know.]

"Right. Thanks, Celty, you're a great help. Sorry, it seems I made you listen to me again..."

[It's no problem at all Shizuo. Although it's a shock, I'm glad you told me.]

"Heh. But, you know…"

[Yeah?]

"Do me a favour and don't tell Shinra. I don't want him yapping to Izaya out of excitement or anything….he bugged me a lot about why I hate Izaya in the past and I really don't want him calling me and yapping nonsense into my ear."

"And if Izaya knows because Shinra told him, well, that'll be the worst. The next time I see him the shitiness of his words would shoot up by several levels and I'd be pissed at both him and Shinra. The flea wouldn't be honest 'cause he'd have time to cook up some shitty reaction plan, and I don't want that."

[That's true. Alright I understand, I won't let Shinra know, unless he figures it out by himself.]

"Ha! As if he would ever, the only thing important to him in his life is you. He's too obsessed about you he wouldn't give a shit about my love for Izaya unless you told him or it affected you in some way. So don't worry, if you don't say anything, he probably won't know."

[Well, that's love. And it seems your obsession has become your love as well. I hope it happens with the other side too.]

Shizuo chuckled, but gave Celty a smile as he pushed up his sunglasses and said simply:

"Great minds think alike, huh Celty?"

   
  


**Same time, in an apartment in Shinjuku**

  
Izaya was in a good mood.

Usually she wouldn't notice, but he was whistling annoyingly as he made his detestable presence known.

"You're back."

She said with all the iciness she could muster in her voice.

"I've been feeling cold since I couldn't find the air-con control. Where did you put it?"

Despite the blandness in her voice, the cold had affected her – for she had said the sentence even though it made her sound like a grumpy housewife.

"Cold?"

His amused voice was by her ear and she felt something soft fluttering onto her shoulders.

"Wear this then, Namie."

She turned, for it wasn't like Izaya to give her something, and blinked in genuine surprise.

There, draped over her shoulders, was the jacket with fur trimmed on its edges that was Izaya's trademark.

After a moment of surprise, she shrugged and pulled the jacket so that it settled almost perfectly over her slender shoulders.

She wasn't an ungrateful bastard like the owner of that jacket.

Izaya was in a  _very_  good mood.

"You're in a good mood."

She said, raising an eyebrow as Izaya somehow had the air-con controller in his hand and seemed to be increasing the temperature.

"Mmm."

Izaya was smiling as he put the controller down on his desk, and the room started to feel a little less cold.

"I am."

"…Why?"

Izaya glanced at her in amusement as he waited for his laptop to load.

"Because I saw Shizu-chan today and he looked happy."

He leaned back in his chair, smiling as he placed his hands behind his head.

"And that means I can take away something from him. I can take away his happiness."

The almost serene expression on Izaya's face faded away to be replaced with a malicious grin.

"I don't know why he's happy, I don't really care. But I know what to do to make him mad."

Izaya laughed malevolently as he leaned forward, grinning as he imagined the scene in his mind.

"Should I do it tomorrow? Or should I wait for a few more days? Decisions, decisions! Ahhhh I really want to do it as soon as possible, I'm so excited!"

"But at the same time….I want to draw it out. I want to draw out Shizu-chan's happiness for a bit longer…before I shatter it into pieces."

"…No wonder you're in a good mood."

Namie deadpanned as she turned back to her own laptop and continued typing.

Izaya hummed and spun around in his chair, directing his malicious gaze to the darkening sky.

"Shizu-chan's so unpredictable, I thought he would react according to my plans for once and be unsettled by me being afraid of him…..but it seems he hasn't."

"It seems he's happy instead. Well he looked almost depressed before but now he's happy. He must be happy I won't be disturbing his peace anymore."

"Haha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Namie ignored the noise from Izaya – his laughter and the sound of his chair as he bounced on it from excitement and glee.

"I'M HAPPY! I'M SO HAPPY THAT SHIZU-CHAN'S HAPPY!"

"LOVE, SIMON? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH! THE MONSTER'S NOT IN LOVE, HE'S IN PEACE! IF ANYTHING, HE'S IN LOVE WITH PEACE! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"You really hate Heiwajima Shizuo, huh?"

Namie said emotionlessly as she continued typing. Izaya did not seem to hear her in his laughter.

"SO THAT'S WHY, THAT'S WHY!"

The noise stopped, and Namie glanced to the side, to see Izaya getting up from his chair and looking outside, as if he stared long enough he could see the monster in the city of Ikebukuro.

A smile curled Izaya's lips, the expression on his face hidden by his pitch black hair.

"That's why…..I'm going to take away his  _love_."

 

 

The game had changed.

By Orihara Izaya's expectations.

But it was going to change again.

And this time, it would not be because of Izaya's expectations.

For Izaya had made a critical mistake –

He was not informed of the unexpected variable the Monster of Ikebukuro now held in his heart.

This was because he had not even considered it a possibility.

Izaya's mistake was not keeping all possibilities open.

Because Heiwajima Shizuo was unpredictable and trying to predict him was like trying to predict when the world would end.

And how could Izaya predict the one thing he did not have precise knowledge on?

Especially how it would appear in Heiwajima Shizuo's life?

But Izaya was unaware of this.

For he had not even considered that unpredictable emotion a possibility

And thus he basked in his triumph over the monster, as if he was a few moves away from checkmate –

Not knowing that even as he made his moves he had strategized to the utmost, minute detail -

Heiwajima Shizuo was silently planning his own.

But to him, the King was not Orihara Izaya.

That was the Queen. Powerful, sneaky yet lethal.

Izaya was indeed a formidable opponent, the one with the most power on the board, but that was not what Shizuo wanted to conquer, what he needed to conquer –

The Queen was a mere distraction he had to pass to get to the King.

For to Heiwajima Shizuo, the King was not Izaya -

It was Izaya's heart.

 

 

_Chapter 2 END_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this story, especially this chapter, I wrote with my perception of the characters’ MBTI personalities as a guide.
> 
> Shizuo: INTP (The Architect)  
> Temperament: Rational
> 
> Izaya: INTJ (The Mastermind)  
> Temperament: Rational
> 
> Shinra: ISFP (The Composer)  
> Temperament: Artisan
> 
> Celty: INFP (The Healer)  
> Temperament: Idealist
> 
> Kadota: ESTJ (The Supervisor)  
> Temperament: Guardian
> 
> Erika: ENTP (The Inventor)  
> Temperament: Rational
> 
> Vorona: ISTJ (The Inspector)  
> Temperament: Guardian
> 
> Tom: INFJ (The Counsellor)  
> Temperament: Idealist
> 
> Namie: ISTJ (The Inspector)  
> Temperament: Guardian
> 
> -  
> These are just my opinions after my own analysis. But I can talk a bit about Shizuo, since this story is focused on him and I've never seen him typed as INTP, only ISTJ or ISTP. I've seen Izaya typed as INTJ (or ENTJ) before, and Celty typed as INFP. 
> 
> But there are a few reasons for my opinion -
> 
> To me...Shizuo is INTP, right down to the way he can tell when someone is lying but can't lie since INTP are honest and straightforward, and even his bartender suit, INTP don't care about clothing much. Shizuo is also temperamental, which is a trait of INTP – I guess it's because INTP want to understand themselves but often times they get confused in their own complex mind? Personality Page says,
> 
> (They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways.)
> 
> Shizuo's personality is also why Izaya pisses him off so much – he doesn't understand Izaya, and so he's very rigid when he decides he hates him and nothing and no one can change his mind when he gets an idea (no matter how illogical it seems to other people because they don't understand his logic), except himself.
> 
> And apparently the INTP can fit into many different modes of behaviour, even contradictory ones, in order to get into the mindset of the other person. In doing this, the INTP remains somewhat reserved, never wholly identifying himself with his surroundings. As chameleons, INTPs are therefore approachable and open, unless the Ne tells the INTP that the other person is a type he doesn't like, in which case the reserved attitude may become too obvious. I thought this fit Shizuo's perception of Izaya as well. And Shizuo is portrayed in the novels as always being somewhat distracted.
> 
> (In reality, the INTP is not actually even certain himself whether he really stands by what he is saying, but his Ne strongly suggests that there must be a core of truth there. The purpose then of his outspoken style of argument is to sharpen his own intuitive understanding by testing the reaction of the listener, and indeed to examine the logic of his own arguments in real time while speaking them out. On occasion, INTPs may seem brash and tactless, but for themselves it is part of their way of getting closer to the truth.)
> 
> Ah...also in Durarara SH Shizuo told Tom his dream when he was young was to be a detective and maybe that's why he stuck with the debt collecting job for so long, 'cause finding people is like the detective job he wanted to do. And I heard most detectives are INTP, like L from Death Note.  
> And I think it fits, Shizuo is at first completely uninvolved but then Izaya drags him in and he somehow manages to get to the core of the matter even if he doesn't know exactly what's going on.
> 
> And about Shizuo and Izaya -  
> -  
> The INTJ resembles a chess player, ruminating on the possibilites and then making decisive accurate moves. If the INTP played life as chess, he would keep wishing to modify the allowed-move-properties of his various pieces to optimise his strategy, find that that isn't allowed, and ask to start the game afresh.
> 
> -  
> And that's why this chapter is called Zero-Sum Game. Shizuo can move in any way he likes in real life. Chess is a Zero-Sum Game.
> 
> Again, these are just my own opinions. 'Cause when I was writing, I went over Shizuo's parts in the novels again and again to get a feel of his personality. This is the first story I wrote after reading the novels so I decided to type the characters to try to get a grasp on their personality. I'd say more but there's a word limit lol. 
> 
> Sorry for rambling, hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**PRELUDE A  
** **_SHOCKING SCENE IN IKEBUKURO! FLYING HUMANS IN SUNSHINE CITY'S SKY?!_**

 

"Hey! Did you hear -"

"They haven't been doing much lately -"

"Today Yuki-kun asked me out!"

"Seriously?!"

"There are rumors -"

"You know, I thought I saw -"

"Really?"

"Unbelievable!"

"Hahaha! What's with that?"

"You're joking."

"It's been so peaceful lately."

"Yeah. Perhaps the gang Dollars or whatever they're called have finally quieted down."

"They're just kids after all."

"There's still the Yakuza though."

"Come to think of it, even Heiwajima Shizuo hasn't been causing trouble."

"And I haven't seen Orihara Izaya around either."

"Think they found a woman?"

"...If that happened wouldn't it be even more chaotic?"

"Yeah and doesn't Heiwajima Shizuo already have a woman?"

"Oh yeah there were rumors of him being seen with a blonde woman."

"Said she was Russian."

"And that they had a kid!"

"So young?"

"I only heard she was very strong."

"Well as expected of Heiwajima Shizuo's woman!"

"Heard she beat up the guys who kidnapped her."

"Is that why he's so peaceful nowadays?"

"Probably, but it's also 'cause Orihara Izaya hasn't been appearing lately."

"Yeah I even heard a rumor Orihara Izaya was afraid of Heiwajima Shizuo."

"What?!"

"Are you serious?"

"People say they saw! Him running away from Shizuo I mean. Said he shouted at Shizuo to leave him alone."

"...What's with that?"

"Another weird rumor?"

"Even weirder than the one with Heiwajima Shizuo's woman."

"Wait could it be?"

"Huh?"

"Love triangle?"

"Hah?!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya?!"

"Over the woman?"

"Wait wouldn't he be angry at Shizuo then?"

"Not asking him to leave him alone?"

"Isn't that kind of like he's hurt?"

"Orihara Izaya hurt?"

"Does he even have feelings?"

"Impossible. If he shouts at Shizuo 'cause he's hurt then doesn't it mean he likes him?"

"Ehhhh?!"

"What is this, getting crazier -"

"Orihara Izaya likes Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"Actually it makes sense - Heiwajima Shizuo gets a woman,

Orihara Izaya is hurt, maybe that's why he's been running away from him?"

"Is Orihara Izaya even gay?"

"It's really getting crazier and crazier..."

"You been talking to fujioshi or something?"

"What's with this..."

"Better not let Heiwajima Shizuo hear you say that."

"Yeah and Orihara Izaya too."

"One of them is bad enough."

"if both of them are on your tail for spreading weird rumors, you're gonna -"

"Die."

"That's right."

**Ikebukuro, Sunshine City**

  
Chatter was rampant in the famous street as people strolled along, spreading gossip and rumors about the recent happenings in the peaceful city.

"It really is peaceful lately."

"Yeah no public property flying."

"No running for our lives."

"If only this would last forever -"

A raven haired male in a fur trimmed jacket smirked as he walked by, blending in the crowd.

"Too bad, wishes don't come true you know?"

"..Eh?"

"Wha-"

The men turned, but there was no one in sight.

"Just now..."

"Was that?"

"But I thought he hasn't been appearing lately?"

"...Must have been my imagination then."

And the men continued on their way, chattering aimlessly as if the presence had been a mere ghost of a phantom.

Until -

 

"Shizu-chan!"

The peace of the normal day in Ikebukuro was shattered by that single word.

Had one not been a resident of Ikebukuro, one would be puzzled as to why the air was filled with sudden tension at a male voice calling out what sounded like a girl's name with an affectionate suffix.

Indeed, one would be mystified as to why a man calling out teasingly to a woman who was probably his girlfriend would evict such panic in the people around them.

But the residents of Ikebukuro knew better –

Heads turned, people whispered amongst themselves, their eyes darting frantically between the two most dangerous men in the city –

"Orihara Izaya -?!"

"He hasn't been appearing lately…."

"Shit. That's Heiwajima Shizuo isn't it?!"

For the feminine sounding name was no less than complete irony, as the male who had called out 'Shizu-chan' was facing not a woman but a  _man in a bartender suit._

No one knew why Orihara Izaya called Heiwajima Shizuo such a misleading name –

Nevertheless, they knew it was the cue for them to  _run_  –

Normally.

For the situation right at the moment was abnormal.

There was no public property flying through the air.

Heiwajima Shizuo stood, completely still, as if frozen in time.

Orihara Izaya cocked his head with a stare.

But the smile didn't leave his face.

"Shizu-chaaaaaaan! Didn't you miss me?"

This time, as people tensed, they were followed by the man in a bartender suit, whose shoulders stiffened, before he turned.

\- Eh?

\- What the hell?

\- W-What's happening?

\- Did Heiwajima Shizuo just….?

\- The world's ending isn't it?!

\- It's a sign! IT'S A SIGN!

\- I don't want to die yet!

\- I-I haven't even confessed to Yuki-chan!

\- I knew I should have -!

 

Had Izaya been looking at his humans, he would have grinned and laughed at their amusing thoughts.

But he wasn't – he was looking at Shizuo's back and was equally shocked as his humans at the blond's reaction.

\- …?

There was a question mark in his head to which he knew not the answer to.

\- ….Is he ignoring me?

The air was entirely silent. The crowd of people surrounding Izaya and Shizuo dared not make a sound.

"….Shizuo?"

The brave soul who could handle the man in a bartender suit decided to speak.

"….Is this a dream?"

Shizuo murmured so softly Tom had to strain to hear.

"Negative, Shizuo-sempai."

Vorona responded when all Tom could do was stare.

"…..No, I don't think it is, Shizuo."

Tom said when the silence got exceptionally long.

"Shizu-chan."

Izaya's voice was filled with impatience.

As if that voice had been a figment of his imagination, Shizuo spoke.

"Hate."

"Eh?"

"Hate. Flea. Hatefleahatefleahatefleahatefleahatefleahatefleahatefleahatefleahateflea….."

As if Shizuo's words held some hidden power, the people surrounding them backed away, as if pushed back by some invisible force by the man in a bartender suit.

Even Tom and Vorona took steps back, though their eyes never left Shizuo.

Izaya didn't back away, but he tensed, his hand going to his pocket for his knife.

\- Did I push him too far?

\- …How troublesome.

 

Somewhere nearby, a black motorbike screeched to a halt, and its rider turned to 'look' worriedly at the man in a bartender suit through the crowd.

\- Shizuo….

The incident with the Slashers popped up in Celty's mind. Shizuo had muttered in a mantra he was going to kill the Slashers, so vividly that even Celty felt scared.

But along with that similar feeling of fear, Celty felt sympathy for Shizuo, who had his head lowered as he continued his mantra –

"Hatefleahatefleahatefleahatefleahateflea…"

As if he was using words, the power in words that he believed in to hold himself back from hurting the only one he could love fearlessly.

\- Izaya….just what have you done?

Vaguely, Celty wondered sardonically if she would be having Izaya as a headless companion.

 

"….Right. Shizu-chan if you hate me so much why don't you attack me, hm? Because I hate Shizu-chan too."

Shizuo tensed, but the words continued to stream continuously from his lips.

"Hatefleahatefleahatefleahateflea…..!"

Despite the sudden burst of emotion, his back was still facing Izaya.

People gasped when that back suddenly had a knife sticking out of it, in contrast to the man in a bartender suit who was unaware.

"Hatefleahatefleahatefleahateflea…"

Vorona watched silently as the knife, which sunk only  _five millimetres_  into Shizuo's back, fell onto the ground with a clang.

"….Look at me!"

Instead of turning around, Shizuo took a step forward and Tom automatically moved, as if undertaking the risky action of getting in the path of the Monster of Ikebukuro –

Who looked as if he was about to run away had Tom not stood in his way.

"Why don't you look at him, Shizuo….?"

"….Feelings….bursting…control….."

"Eh?"

But Shizuo seemed to not even be listening to him. As if in a silent acknowledgement that his escape route was blocked by his sempai, he continued his mantra again.

"Hatefleahatefleahatenot….hate… …..!"

_CLANG_

That was the sound of the signpost which had been located near the man in a bartender suit falling to the ground.

Everyone watched as Shizuo withdrew his fist, clenched it and continued his trance-like mantra again.

"Hatefleahatefleahateflea….hate flea…."

\- What the hell.

Izaya had had enough of being ignored. Frustration bubbling up like a pool of molten magma in his chest, he strode forward, all eyes except Shizuo's on him –

"Hatefleahatefleahate –"

Grabbed with lithe fingers the sleeve of Shizuo's bartender suit and tugged as hard as he could, shouting for all of Ikebukuro to hear –

"I said  _look_  at me, HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!"

Tom and Vorona looked surprised at Izaya's outburst. Celty at a distance away started at the sound of Izaya's unusually loud voice.

\- Did Izaya just shout?

"- Flea."

Silence.

Izaya was about to open his mouth again, when his fingers on Shizuo's sleeve were grabbed, and as he stared at Shizuo's face, he was pulled forward towards that bartender suit.

\- Oh shit.

It was then that Izaya realized he was drawn into the monster's space –

That he had given the monster a chance to draw him into his space.

\- Did I fall into a trap?

Izaya thought as he raised his gaze, panic hidden in the depths of his carmine eyes.

\- Since when does Shizu-chan set traps? So it's –

His thoughts came to a sudden halt at the feeling of a hand on his cheek.

\- ….Eh…?

"Izaya."

\- His plan to crush my face….?

 

As Izaya was staring speechlessly up at Shizuo, Tom almost facepalmed.

"Shizuo….!"

He hissed quietly, the rest of his words left unsaid –

\- Hey hey Shizuo, this is a  _really_  bad place and time to confess!

For that was what Shizuo looked as if he was going to do. He was staring at Izaya with a sort of wonder in his eyes, as if Izaya was the treasure he had been searching for all his life.

And he was doing it in front of everyone in Ikebukuro.

Registering the way Shizuo was holding Izaya by his fingers, practically by the hand, as he drew Izaya up to his height, and the look of what she assumed to be love in his eyes, Vorona spoke loudly.

"Shizuo-sempai."

But Shizuo didn't seem to hear her intentionally loud voice. Vorona sighed and decided not to interrupt the man in a bartender suit in love. She and Tom shared a glance.

Seeing her sempai looking anxious, Vorona inhaled, and spoke again –

"There's a time and place for everything, Shizuo-sempai."

Had Vorona been a more emotional female, she would have gasped when Shizuo did not only not hear her, but moved towards Izaya –

Only for Izaya to hold up a hand towards his face, his own eyes as wide as Vorona's and Tom's and everyone in Ikebukuro –

 

\- Including Celty and her metaphorical eyes.

_\- S-Shizuo….!_

Celty felt almost embarrassed at seeing Shizuo clearly attempt to kiss Izaya in front of a confused yet captivated audience.

\- D-Didn't we speak about this?! You can't confess here!

\- And w-wait! Aren't you supposed to confess  _before_ kissing?!

Celty was panicking at Shizuo's reverse actions.

\- Ahhhh, what should I do?! Shizuo!

\- H-He's not really going to confess here, is he?! Not in front of the whole of Ikebukuro at least?!

-Shizuo! You're in the middle of freaking  _SUNSHINE CITY!_

 

...Did he just -

He did?!

No wait wasn't he going to like punch him -

It looked like he was going to k-k-

K-Kiss?!

No! That can't be!

It's Heiwajima Shizuo!

He hates that guy!

Then why does he look so happy...?

  
This is scary..!

 

Fortunately for the residents of Ikebukuro, Shizuo did not hear them. He was unaware of everything except the hand in front of his face -

And the person who owned that hand.

"…Flea."

Shizuo blinked at the hand in front of his face.

"What are you doing?"

Izaya stared at him as if he had grown two extra heads, as if he had become a real monster while acting achingly human.

"What are  _you_  doing?! Have you finally lost your mind!?"

Shizuo blinked again.

And then he grinned, his hand sliding up Izaya's cheek.

"You're here."

"Huh? Of course I'm here! H-Hey what are you –"

 

Celty covered her non-existent face, before she dared to 'look'.

And felt a rush of relief that Shizuo was only hugging Izaya –

In front of the people of Ikebukuro, right in the middle of Sunshine City –

But still, it was better than a kiss.

It could be said that Celty was trying to be optimistic in order to retain her sanity.

 

"I missed you."

Shizuo spoke the words as if he truly believed in them.

They were as genuine as the smile on his face which he hid from Izaya as he pushed the flea into his shoulder.

"…."

Celty put her hands back to her non-existent face again.

But her heart was smiling.

\- Shizuo….

As everyone in Ikebukuro stared, Tom smiled in exasperation, and Vorona shook her head fondly.

 

 

Apocalypse!

It really is the APOCALYPSE!

What those rumors were true then?!

Wait wait wait WAIT!

I don't want to die!

I REALLY HAVEN'T CONFESSED TO YUKI-CHAN YET!

Please tell me this is a dream!

He said 'I missed you' right?!

And wait isn't that his woman?!

He's cheating on her?!

Is she even his woman?

Rumors say she is!

But she doesn't look angry!

Then she's not Shizuo's woman?

Whaaaat? So those rumors were fake?!

I don't know! Everything's so confusing!

Oh god he really said it!

"Oh god...we're all going to die. With Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya as a couple...Ikebukuro won't survive."

 

 

**In a van nearby**

 

A girl in a cap was screaming in glee as she stared with wild eyes at the shocking scene in the middle of Ikebukuro.

"eofiubefiuajhskfjhFIUHIRNFEJKFJH he's-! HE'S-!"

"I can't believe it….."

"…."

Togusa had fainted.

"…"

Kadota looked like he was going to faint along with Togusa.

"K-Karisawa-san! You can't!"

"Let me go! I must go! I must go and cheer Shizu-chan on-!"

"I said you can't! Kadota-san, please help!"

Kadota forced back the sudden wave of dizziness and grabbed onto Karisawa's shoulder.

"H-Hey Karisawa! Don't you dare!"

He didn't want a vending machine destroying their van, and had Togusa been awake, he would not have wanted it too.

He would have sobbed in nothing less than despair if the vending machine destroyed his precious van.

It was with sympathy to Togusa that Kadota said those words to the excited female.

But said female seemed to be heavily into her head fantasies –

"But Dotachin! How can I, as their number one fan, not support their love and passionate homoerotic lust – mpf!"

"Stop it! Where is the lust in that scene?!"

"mpf-It's sublime! Sub-blimeeee! How can you not see it?!"

"I don't see anything but a Super Shocking Scene-! Right, Kadota-san?!"

"Y-Yeah…."

"B-But!"

"Karisawa, if you interrupt, that 'passionate homoerotic lust' will disappear."

Kadota said with a deadpan face, but his words worked anyway.

"Oh-!"

Karisawa gasped and Yumasaki took it as the cue to remove his hand from her mouth.

"T-That's true…."

Karisawa said mournfully, in contrast to her shining eyes as she looked at Shizuo embracing Izaya in the middle of Ikebukuro.

Kadota sighed in relief and shook his head, his hand to his forehead as he stared at the man in a bartender suit –

"Seriously…love really changes people huh?"

He would deny the smile on his lips –

Especially when Karisawa gasped and pointed it out to him joyfully later on, delighted that she was going to gain a fellow fan –

Which was of course incorrect, as Kadota was merely happy for his friend, not that Karisawa cared, even when Yumasaki joined Kadota's side –

As Togusa was spared from the chaos in the van in the blissful realm of unconsciousness –

But that would be a story for another time.

 

**In the middle of Ikebukuro, Sunshine City**

  
Izaya was burning.

As he was trapped in Shizuo's arms, he wondered when the sun had become so hot –

To the extent that his brain felt like it was being fried and he couldn't think at the moment.

Izaya didn't think until that moment that the nomenclature of Sunshine City was to symbolize the hot sun blazing down upon the famous district in the city.

\- ….

He blamed the hot weather and the monster's above average body temperature for the heat on his face, which had been forcefully shoved into the monster's hard shoulder.

Because his mind was blank, Izaya said nothing, and averted his eyes when he realized he was facing Tom and Vorona –

Who were looking at him as if when the monster of Ikebukuro hugged someone, they would grow two extra heads.

Izaya didn't even have the insanity to laugh at that outrageous thought.

The heat was getting unbearable.

His arms hung limp by his sides, as if Shizuo's unpredictable actions had caused them to lose all form of muscle movement.

They refused to move, as if he had no control over his own limbs.

Izaya was beginning to think he was in a dream.

For it was the only possible conclusion that would make sense.

There was no way anyone would say they missed Orihara Izaya.

Especially not Heiwajima Shizuo –

Who hated him and whom Orihara Izaya hated with all his heart –

Which was full of love for only humans.

It was just like the dumb protozoan to not comprehend the sarcasm in his question.

Izaya entertained the thought that Heiwajima Shizuo was mocking him by replying to his rhetorical question –

But quickly brushed it away as it was too devious a scheme for the simple minded monster.

He was too honest and naïve to ever think up such an elaborate scheme.

Even if it was just a dream.

As he waited desperately to wake up, Izaya cursed Shizuo's unpredictability which appeared even in his dreams.

 

In contrast to Izaya's conundrum, Shizuo was experiencing a peaceful moment with the flea who had finally returned to him, in his arms –

Or rather, a would-have-been peaceful moment, had there not been camera flashes right in his face.

Camera. Flashes.

Last Shizuo checked, Kasuka was the idol actor and not him. Even if the flea who craved attention was a secret actor, there was no reasonable reason why there would be camera flashes –

_In. His. Face._

-  _….!_

There was a reason why Shizuo had beaten up the talent scout who had tried to recruit him for acting, resulting in him picking Kasuka instead.

A reason the residents of Ikebukuro were about to find out –

Heiwajima Shizuo was officially Pissed Off.

 

 

For the first time in weeks, a vending machine flew through the air.

"THE FUCK DO YOU BASTARDS THINK YOU'RE DOING?! CAN'T A MAN GET SOME FUCKING PEACE AROUND HERE?!"

Had the man who shouted been a normal man, he would not have shouted those words, for he would have felt embarrassed at embracing someone in Sunshine City which was densely populated with passer bys.

In fact, he would not even have been embracing someone, another man in fact, in the middle of Ikebukuro and allowing gossip and rumours to spread –

Regardless whether those gossip and rumours were true or not.

But the man who shouted was the man in a bartender suit –

Which was the reason why people screamed and scattered as they should have done in the first place, at the otherworldly scene of Heiwajima Shizuo hugging Orihara Izaya in Sunshine City, in the centre of Ikebukuro.

Thus Heiwajima Shizuo did not feel any shame or embarrassment, merely anger that his peace had been rudely disrupted –

Even if the logical reasoning was that if he had wanted peace, he would not have embraced his sworn enemy right at the heart of the city for everyone to see.

Such logical reasoning did not even occur to Heiwajima Shizuo, whose logic was very different from a normal human's.

His peace had been interrupted, and thus he was angry and wanted revenge –

By destroying the peace of the ones who had interrupted his.

  
"WHAT'S THE FUCKING BIG DEAL, NEVER SEEN A GUY HUGGING SOMEONE BEFORE,  _HUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"_

This sentence was punctuated with a sign post thrown like a javelin – going for a camera which a man shrieked and let go of as he jumped out of the way –

To his good fortune, for the sign post had completely impaled through the camera – cracking its lens and coming out at the back –

Before it shattered completely.

The man stared in pure fear at the destroyed camera that would have been his hand had his survival instincts not forced him to let go.

Dimly, he wondered if the job of a reporter was too dangerous in the city of Ikebukuro.

Even as he turned and fled for his life, he was unaware that Heiwajima Shizuo was irritated by reporters who asked him stupid questions and disturbed his peace –

Such as seen by how Niekawa Shuji had flown through the air by courtesy of the man in a bartender suit –

  
Which this unknown, unfortunate man was experiencing as he suddenly found himself in the air, staring at the fleeing birds –

\- I-I'm flying?!

He flapped his arms as if he had wings as he sailed through the air with a regretful scream –

Which was swallowed away by the screams from the crowd as one by one people flew through the air with him.

 

\- ….!?

Tom backed away from Shizuo, fearing the blond man would not recognize him in his anger and see him as just another human who annoyed him to throw.

\- …..Slon. Apologies, truly. Information….my information was incorrect. I was misinformed. Humans are capable of flight –

\- …Humans can fly.

Vorona thought as she stared at the flying humans in the sky with a sense of almost childish wonder.

 

 

\- …My humans are flying.

Izaya, who had been shoved aside when Shizuo had snapped, stared at his precious humans who were flying so fast they had no time to reach out their hands to touch the sky.

As if his brain had cracked from the insanity which had surpassed his, Izaya laughed and laughed, clutching his stomach as Shizuo sent people into the air, giving them a free ride through the sky.

"Hahahah! Hahahahahha!"

Izaya wondered if he should ask Shizuo to send him through the air so he could fly with his lovely humans.

In this very strange but interesting dream that would have him in fits of laughter when he woke up.

\- I want to fly too!

Izaya thought in childish glee, grinning like a child who was waiting impatiently for the adult to return with his Halloween candy on a day that wasn't Halloween.

He wondered if he should do something to irritate the already agitated man in a bartender suit so that he would send him flying through the air –

Despite the fact that there was a reason why humans could not fly – they would crash land to the ground with several broken bones or to death –

For Shizuo didn't look like he was in a good enough mood to send them flying in the direction of the hospital.

Izaya didn't seem to be aware of the danger of agitating the already agitated monster of Ikebukuro.

But then again, he was Orihara Izaya – the one who agitated the monster of Ikebukuro on a supposed daily basis.

Izaya watched as Shizuo twirled a signpost like how Izaya used to twirl his pen back in middle school when he was bored in class.

 

**Ikebukuro, Sunshine 60 Street**

 

The signpost being twirled above the head of the man in a bartender suit was moving with such high velocity, its metal already being cracked by the excessive strength.

He bellowed with wild eyes even as the crowd screamed in fear and fled from the clear threat.

Even the people who had been peering down from Sunshine 60 moved away from the windows for fear the man in a bartender suit would spot them and aim the signpost up at them.

They had no doubt Heiwajima Shizuo's strength was enough to send a signpost piercing through a window of the skyscraper, whether it was the 10th, 23th, 30th, 45th, 58th floor.

Hell, his strength would probably allow the signpost to meet any unfortunate soul looking down from the observation deck on the 240 metre tall building –

Not that they could see anything from such a high height without binoculars of some sort.

Thus it was indeed a lucky day for the tourists who gaped down their binoculars at the impossible scene below.

It was indeed fortunate that they needed binoculars because they were so high up.

Had Heiwajima Shizuo known he was being seen as a tourist attraction –

. . .

Well, let us just say –

They -

Their acquaintances -

Their family -

And their descendants -

Would never dare step foot into Ikebukuro ever again.

 

 

"ONE!"

"Woaaah…that looks dangerous, Shizu-chan!"

"TWO!"

"But aren't you aiming the wrong way?"

"THREE!"

"Hey Shizu-chan, I want to fly too!"

"You stay on the fucking ground!"

Shizuo yelled, much to Izaya's disappointment and displeasure.

Why couldn't the monster be impartial to him even in his dream?

"What? Why can't I fly? That's not fair, Shizu-chan. Anyway this is just a dream right?"

_CRASH_

" _WHAT_  DREAM?!"

The signpost stuck up in the ground like someone's gravestone.

"This. This whole scene! It's just a dream, isn't it?!"

Izaya exclaimed in an almost happy tone, spreading his arms wide and smiling brightly at Shizuo -

_BANG_

\- And incidentally receiving the trash can that made him fly back several feet and sent him crashing to the ground.

"….Ugh…ah that hurt…."

"What  _dream_  again, Izayaaaaa-kun?"

"Ah….shit….not a dream huh…."

Izaya was smirking as pain raced through his shoulder as he got up from the ground.

Shizuo was grinning madly at him, which Izaya felt relieved at.

\- Ah so it's not a dream…..

\- Then Shizu-chan did say he missed me just now….

\- Haha…Hahahaha!

Not one to hold back his feelings, Izaya released his loud, mocking laughter into the air, irritating the violent blond man.

"What the hell's so funny?! Huh, SHITTY FLEA?!"

"You are, Shizu-chan! You actually missed me! ME! Hahahahaha! Oh but I suppose it's because I'm the only one who dares to go near Shizu-chan's monstrous being! HAHAHAHAHA! Ahh…missing your enemy, you're hilarious! Really -"

Izaya was cut off as his body instinctively dodged the vending machine that came hurtling at him.

"Hey hey, it's rude to interrupt someone when they're talking, you know?"

_CRASH_

Izaya smirked as the vending machine crashed into the space he had been standing on, as he regarded the man in a bartender suit who was looking as if he wanted to kill him with his glare alone.

"Shut up, shitty flea! You're so much better with that damn mouth SHUT!"

As if to irritate the dangerous man further, Izaya opened his mouth and continued on –

"Are you talking about just now, Shizu-chan? You do know the only reason I let you  _hug_  me was because I thought I was in a dream, right? And because you forced me into it – otherwise why would I even allow a monster to touch me?"

"Eh, why are you looking at me like that? You didn't know? Don't tell me your protozoic brain has degraded even further in my absence, then it must be the brainwaves from my intelligent brain that make you seem smarter than you actually are? Does your protozoic brain work like a sponge, absorbing the brainwaves of whoever is in your presence? And here I thought you couldn't get any dumber…"

Izaya gestured extravagantly as he spoke, delighting in the violent twitch that was beginning to develop in Shizuo's eyebrow -

"Ah….are you mad, Shizu-chan? I'm only telling the truth, you know! But then again, you're always mad, can't you be anything else other than angry? Kasuka-kun told you being angry all the time isn't good for your health, right? Not that I care, but why don't you take your precious brother's advice, hm?"

 

\- ... **F U CK I NG _F L E A_ R E A LL Y PI S S ES M E OF F**

"C-Calm down, Shizuo….he's trying to make you mad on purpose. Don't give him the satisfaction, yeah?"

Tom attempted with a shaky smile as he caught sight of the veins throbbing in Shizuo's face which made it look like his face was going to explode from anger.

"…"

Shizuo inhaled, then let out his breath in a slow exhale.

"….You were right….Tom-san. That fucking flea was just…."

"Shizuo."

"…..I know. I'll try not to hurt him…..too badly."

"….Is Shizuo-sempai going to confess?"

Vorona ventured, and Tom looked at her in appreciation for reminding the man in a bartender suit about his original intention when he saw the flea.

Even if Shizuo did not answer her question, as he was suddenly gone.

Tom hoped he had heard her words anyway.

The guy with dreadlocks looked at Sunshine 60 street which was suddenly, entirely, unusually devoid of people except Vorona and him –

And Shizuo who was chasing Izaya, yelling the name Ikebukuro had not heard for weeks –

"I-iiiiiiiii-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Tom sighed as he and Vorona watched Shizuo and Izaya fade away into the horizon.

"….That Izaya. He really doesn't treasure his life, does he?"

Tom voiced the question wryly to no one in particular.

_"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING FLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

_"HAHA…HAHAHAHA! HA HA HAH HA HA –"_

His reply was a crash that could be heard in the distance followed by a roar of a beast and maniacal sounding laughter of an insane man, which gradually faded away into the distance –

"…..I'm starting to think the only reason he isn't dead is that Shizuo loves him."

"…"

Vorona's bemused eyes said more than her emotionless voice ever could.

 

 

Unbeknownst to them, a rider on a black motorbike shook her neck, before she turned the vehicle and drove away.

_Vrooooooooom_

\- Well….

The female thought as she drove along, as she recalled the scene of flying humans in the sky.

\- Hopefully that won't go into the papers. Or I don't know how he'll react….

The woman in a rider suit thought fondly of the man in a bartender suit, as she glimpsed him as he chased the one human who would never be afraid of him.

\- I guess things are back to normal.

Her heart was filled with exasperation and fondness, and a sense of gladness at seeing such energy from the reserved man in a bartender suit.

Had she had a face, she would have been smiling, as she turned towards the unchanging sky –

\- Ikebukuro's peaceful as usual…..huh?

 

 

_Prelude A End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to reply those comments but I have way too many things on my agenda. But I'll definitely reply ASAP! Hope you enjoyed this prelude! And wow this story has 1000+ views now...that's an accomplishment right? Haha! Merry Christmas everyone! Durarara Season 2 is coming out in January next year so let's look forward to the new year~!


	7. Chapter 7

_CRASH_

_BANG_

Wild laughter and furious roars –

_CLANK_

"Aww Shizu-chan, you missed!"

_BAM_

"Shut up!"

_CLANG_

"Hey Shizu-chan, that guardrail looks like a pretty good weapon to hurt me, eh?"

_WHOOSH_

"I SAID SHUT UP, DIDN'T I SHITTY FLEA?!"

_SCREEEEEEEECH_

_HONK_

"Haha! We're on the road again, don't you feel a sense of déjà vu?!"

_THUMP_

"GO DIE!"

_Swish_

"Then come and get me. …Eh? What's wrong? Are you afraid?"

"…Who's  _AFRAID?!"_

_SWOOSH_

"Woah, that was a close one. But really Shizu-chan, I leave you alone for a while and your aim has gotten from bad to worse! Did you rust in my absence?"

_Whizz_

"Speak for yourself, shitty flea!"

_CRASH_

Izaya smirked at Shizuo, then turned and ran with the wind as the monster chased him.

_CRASH_

_Whish_

_CLANK_

_Swish_

_CLANG_

Such destructive sounds wouldn't leave Ikebukuro for hours.

And if the male who had provoked them after weeks of peace wasn't a pathological liar –

He might have said he had missed those sounds of destruction and mayhem –

Even if only to himself.

**...**

**...**

**...**

**CHAPTER 3**

**CONFESSION TO THE DEVIL**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Somewhere in Ikebukuro**

The sun was slowly sinking over the horizon, painting the sky in orange, yellow, red and fading blue -

As the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro flew across rooftops and signboards, leapt on telephones and signposts and ran up walls with their parkour skills –

In the wake of destroyed public property left behind by the man in a bartender suit and the knives embedded in solid surfaces by the information broker in a fur trimmed jacket which defied society's fashion sense.

Spotting a vending machine below the building, Izaya leapt off with flawless confidence, landing onto the heavy metal with practiced ease and hopping off before the monster bent metal with the superhuman muscles in his feet.

"I-Iiiiizaaaaaayaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Izaya grinned tauntingly. He dodged the vending machine thrown at him, and continued on his destination, to that alleyway which would take him to the other side –

Only to realize that one of his humans had placed another dustbin at the entrance of the alleyway so that both identical looking alleyways had identical looking dustbins marking them.

There was a monster roaring behind him and in a split second, Izaya decided on the direction of the analytical side of his brain.

He took the alleyway to the left –

And ran and ran –

Until he met a dead end.

\- Well, I guess that information about the left-right brain being a myth was true.

Izaya thought airily, as he turned to face the monster who had him trapped.

\- Or should I have chosen the right – creativity? Fits with Shizu-chan's unpredictability.

Izaya considered using his smaller body size to duck under Shizuo's arm and make a run for it, but Shizuo slammed his hands on the wall, blocking his way and preventing him from any chance of escape.

"I finally caught you, fucking flea."

Shizuo's voice was eerily calm.

But Izaya just smiled and shrugged his shoulders as best as he could.

"So you did! Looks like we've both gotten rusty, right Shizu-chan?"

His hand slipped to his switchblade in his pocket.

"That's why – this isn't a fair fight, is it? So, won't you let me go?"

"No."

Izaya's smile faltered. He tightened his grip on his switchblade.

"Oh I see. Then, what are you going to do…..Shizu-chan?"

The ironic nickname he had given the monster dropped with his low tone, wrapped in a warning.

"…..You."

Shizuo said, and tilted his head at Izaya, as if seeing him for the first time.

"I could kill you."

"So you could."

The angle between Shizuo's head and the left side of his neck grew larger as the blond tilted his head more, as if shifting his vision would give him the insight he needed.

"….Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Eh? Since when was I afraid of Shizu-chan?"

Izaya said, that smug smile back on his face. Shizuo had removed his hands from the wall and he felt more relaxed.

"Why would I ever be afraid of Shizu-chan? Shizu-chan's just a monster after all."

Shizuo stared at him silently from behind his sunglasses, so Izaya continued on.

"Shizu-chan's so naïve. Shizu-chan's a monster so he wants me to be afraid of him, right? That's why he's been chasing me around and trying to kill me all these years."

"Monsters want everyone to fear them. It was an experiment, you know? To test my hypothesis. I wanted to see if Shizu-chan would react as I had expected. And I was right! Shizu-chan was so happy I didn't disturb his peace anymore because I was scared of him –"

"That's why….I had to take Shizu-chan's happiness away. Because Shizu-chan is too naïve, I was just pretending to be afraid of you. Haha! Shizu-chan's so naïve! Just like a kid! Right…..Shizu-chan?"

 

Shizuo would never know what was going through Izaya's head.

He would never know that Izaya had actually pretended to fear him for the exact opposite reasons –

That his hypothesis was the exact opposite – he wanted to see if Shizuo would suffer when he realized the only one who didn't fear him feared him now –

Since consciously or not, Izaya was aware of Shizuo's true nature – that he was a man who wanted not to be feared and wanted peace.

That was one of the reasons why Shizuo pissed Izaya off.

But it was only one reason.

Nevertheless, it was Izaya's own pride that kept him from telling Shizuo the truth, to admit that he had once again defied his expectations by his happiness at Izaya being afraid of him, and Izaya would be hard pressed to admit another defeat to Shizuo.

Unbeknownst to Izaya, his lie had caused something to click inside Shizuo's head.

  
Silence reigned in the air for a moment.

Feeling the atmosphere had changed, Izaya shifted his gaze to Shizuo's face.

Shizuo was smiling.

"...?!"

And Izaya was the one left staring.

He didn't move as Shizuo moved closer to him, until he had to, to avoid the monster crushing his foot with his.

Alarm bells rang off in Izaya's head when his back hit the wall – and he brandished his knife from his pocket at that moment, his survival instincts lunging the knife in his hand towards Shizuo's face –

Even if he knew the knife would either be swiped out of his hand or his wrist would be twisted until the pain made him let go of the knife.

As it happened, the latter happened, and Izaya allowed himself a wince as the pain made him release his grasp on his weapon, where it dropped onto the floor and was crushed into irreparable pieces by Shizuo's foot.

_Crack_

\- That can be my foot.

Izaya thought in sudden clarity, even as he smiled a crooked smile tinged by pain overlaying suppressed panic.

"Ouch ouch, Shizu-chan it hurts you know?"

"Shut up."

Against Izaya's expectations, Shizuo released Izaya's wrist. Izaya rubbed the sore patch of skin, as the monster leaned in close -

"I could kill you."

He voiced the same words of before, but murmuring in a low voice Izaya had never heard him use before.

"….So you could."

Izaya repeated his words, though his smile had faltered somewhat as his mind raced to figure out Shizuo's intention and at the same time escape from this rapidly looking to be dangerous situation.

But before he could come up with a solution, Izaya's body moved automatically, but was pushed back by Shizuo's hand on his shoulder. He withheld a pained gasp as his back crashed against the hard wall, the pain stinging down his fragile spine.

The information broker's hand twitched.

\- Well, looks like I can still move

Izaya thought as the possibility of paralysis from Shizuo's harsh shove faded away from his mind. This time, his survival instincts forced him to remain stationary as Shizuo loomed over him.

"Don't move."

Shizuo was still smiling.

He was smiling even after he had sent Izaya crashing against the wall.

Izaya almost wished Shizuo had used more strength, and broken the wall to open an escape route for him.

But the monster was unpredictable and hadn't used as much strength, and thus Izaya remained trapped by Shizuo against the not completely broken down wall.

And as Izaya looked at the smile on Shizuo's face and his eyes hidden by his sunglasses, he couldn't help but think of a serial killer.

For serial killers always smiled before they massacred their victims.

 

_\- ….Well, I guess this is the end for me._

_\- To be killed by Shizu-chan of all people…..pathetic._

A twisted smile curled Izaya's lips.

"Don't I even get dying words, Shizu-chan?"

There was no reply, and Izaya's eyelids lowered.

The smile didn't leave his lips.

_\- Hey. Before I go to hell, can you at least let me stay on earth for a while? Just long enough to see Shizu-chan's reaction after he's killed the only one who isn't afraid of him –_

_\- And to see my humans of course – then I would be able to die happily._

_\- If you're going to send me to hell that is – whoever you are who's in charge of this cruel world_

The twisted smile on Izaya's lips widened to the ends of his dry mouth.

_\- Ah, is this what they call hysteria? Where are those flashbacks to the past?_

_\- What happened in the past anyway?_

_Nothing important._

  
A sensation shook him back to reality.

There were fingers curled around his wrist.

\- Ah I see. He's going to torture me first. Break all my bones, one by one.

\- It seems I underestimated you, Shizu-chan.

\- You really are a monster.

Izaya didn't flinch as he looked the god of death in the eye.

_\- Yeah, I really am hysteric. Calling Shizu-chan of all people a god. Like my humans do._

_\- Haha. Hahahahaha!_

_\- Ahhhh, I always wanted to die laughing-_

_\- So why aren't I laughing?_

_It's not like I'm scared._

The thoughts in Izaya's mind paused for a moment.

_...Well to tell the truth I'm really afraid of dying but I guess there's no choice, hm? Since it's Shizu-chan after all._

_But it's dying that I'm afraid of, not Shizu-chan._

The fingers on Izaya's wrist trailed to his hand.

Izaya swallowed.

A drop of sweat made its way down his face.

  
It was not as if he was afraid, it was merely his basic survival instinct as a human inducing an instinctual reaction in his body.

Even a mastermind like Izaya could not control the natural reaction of his body.

_\- He's going to break my fingers first?_

But Izaya's fingers did not bend. They merely touched the monster's skin.

-What -

Shizuo had captured his hand in his.

Izaya's hand was touching Shizuo's. His fingers to Shizuo's fingers, his palm to Shizuo's palm.

Shizuo lowered his other hand, and now the back of Izaya's hand met with the palm of Shizuo's other hand, his fingers over Izaya's fingers.

\- Is he doing?

\- He doesn't need both hands to crush my hand.

Izaya stared as his hand was held in between both of Shizuo's hands.

He was no longer pinned to the wall, but he was too stunned to move.

There was no pain as Shizuo held his hand in both of his -

As Shizuo raised his hand, his hand clasped in both of Shizuo's hands, the blond's eyes undecipherable behind his sunglasses.

\- Maybe he's going to bite my fingers off?

Izaya thought, even though he knew it was highly unlikely –

Because Shizuo's touch was not at all brutal –

But exceedingly gentle.

"What….are you doing?"

Izaya's voice sounded as if he hadn't drunk water for days. Or as if Shizuo had poured bleach down his throat when in reality he was just holding his hand –

Without breaking it.

  
A sense of inferiority hit Izaya as the question left his lips –

The question he never thought he would ask someone –

The question that told someone he, Orihara Izaya, information broker of Shinjuku –

Was lacking information on the situation.

But Izaya was feeling too lost, and though it felt as if needles tinged with deadly poison were stinging at his pride, he could not help but ask the question which was a favourite amongst his beloved humans.

Because he wasn't talking to a human, but an unpredictable monster.

In front of Heiwajima Shizuo, Izaya felt as if he was just one of his beloved humans who could never tell what the monster was going to do or why he was doing what he was doing.

Shizuo's expression was impenetrable, even as he lowered his sunglasses with one hand to look at him with inscrutable eyes as he intertwined his fingers with Izaya's using his other hand.

Shizuo's eyes did not give Izaya the information he wanted.

From the moment Shizuo had grabbed Izaya's wrist, he had been entirely silent.

And he was still silent, the only thing that gave any indication to what he was feeling was the wry little smile on his face.

  
\- Dangerous

\- This man before me is dangerous

\- This situation is dangerous

\- I have to get out

\- Now

  
No one had been able to make Izaya feel as nervous and unsettled as Heiwajima Shizuo. None of his humans whom he toyed with had smiled at him that way. None of his humans had made him feel as if he had no control over the situation.

For The God of Destruction in a bartender suit was not destroying anything –

When Orihara Izaya was in his presence.

Indeed, the situation was so unbelievable that there seemed to be a clandestine sort of unrest and danger stirring in the situation, an invisible swirling vortex of restlessness that Orihara Izaya could not decipher the reason for –

One even more dangerous than the monster's usual vortex of destruction.

For was that not what Heiwajima Shizuo was? A vortex of destruction that drew in everything around him and enacted senseless violence mercilessly – which was why people scattered out of the way in the wake of his rage, fearing they would be drawn into the dangerous vortex.

Thus the current situation was illogical to Izaya –

He was mere inches away from the vortex of destruction known fearfully as The God of Destruction in a Bartender Suit, and he was not being destroyed.

It was as illogical as it would be if he were a Star in the Milky Way facing a Supermassive Black Hole, and yet he was not drawn in into its vortex of destruction.

It was as illogical to Izaya as the laws of physics and science that governed space and time being defied.

He could not find any reason for the God of Destruction defying his natural impulse for destruction.

Especially towards the one who had encouraged his destructive tendencies and was the trigger for his violence.

Placed before Heiwajima Shizuo, Izaya suddenly felt helplessly human, not only in terms of physical strength but mental fortitude.

It was thus his survival instincts that were running those thoughts through his head, screaming at him that he had to get away from the unpredictable monster who had suddenly surpassed him mentally.

To put it simply, Orihara Izaya was panicking.

Because Heiwajima Shizuo was being silent. The monster who chased him and yelled his name for everyone to hear and whom constantly declared he would kill him was being silent when he finally had the chance to kill him.

Shizuo was being entirely silent as his untouchable fingers were intertwined with the fingers of Izaya's trapped hand.

 

 

 

There are several ways to get information out of a person.

Without asking questions.

This would be more commonly known as being able to 'read' someone.

In casual situations, people would commonly exclaim at a coincidental shared thought:

"You read my mind!"

Indeed, there was one person who was an expert on reading minds –

His charge, a teenage girl, had once jokingly called him an ESPer.

ESPers are those with psychic powers, such as mind-reading.

But this person was not an ESPer. He did not have any psychic powers –

Merely an exceedingly sharp and intelligent mind -

And unconditional love for humans.

Orihara Izaya, a man who could read humans' minds without any psychic powers.

Who could forcibly extract information from them without them even knowing.

Izaya prided himself on this ability.

He loved humans, and he would examine every part of them –

Their eyes –

Their facial expressions –

Their voices –

Their body language –

Their reactions. And from these reactions, he would then be able to read their thoughts.

This reading of people's minds was not done in a step by step procedure.

For Izaya, it was done simultaneously, almost unconsciously.

The emotion in humans' eyes and expressions, the tone of their voices and the nuances in their voices, the shift in their body language – he would internalize all this unspoken information in less than a second to culminate in a conclusion that was as accurate as if the human had told him their true feelings.

This act of reading people did not require energy for Izaya at all, it was merely instinctual for him.

Even the questions Izaya directed to his humans was instinctual – his mind knew what exactly to ask to get the information he wanted without the human even knowing.

He knew how the human would react even before the human reacted.

That was one of the reasons Izaya loved humans – he loved how they were so predictable, so easy to read.

Thus knowing more about humans than humans knew about themselves made Izaya see himself as a God.

 

Of course, there are humans who are exceptions to Izaya's mind reading abilities.

One of them is the human being named Kishitani Shinra. He is an underground doctor and Izaya's only friend whom he met in middle school. Izaya had been unable to read Shinra to the point that he was almost envious of him.

This is because Shinra is in love with someone who is not human. That someone is the only being he cares about besides himself. Having been in love with that inhuman being from a young age, Shinra shunned all contact with other humans. Shinra was thus unaffected by the shift in a human brought about by human interaction.

This is the reason why Izaya was unable to read Shinra like a normal human.

Because Shinra was not a normal human. He was a human who disregarded the existence of humans.

However, Izaya grew to not be disturbed by this, as Shinra was his only friend –

And because he was satisfied at discovering the reason why he could not read Shinra –

The Headless Rider - who would play a huge part in Izaya's plan for the city of Ikebukuro and his personal goal.

  
Another of the humans Izaya could not read would be evolving humans.

Although Izaya's aim in being an information broker was to allow himself to be used by humans for information so that humans could evolve from their boring everyday lives, he was not omniscient. He wished for his beloved humans to evolve, but there were times when he did not know a human was evolving. Nor did he know the extent to which the human was evolving.

One example of this human would be Ryuugamine Mikado, the leader of the Dollars which Izaya is part of. Unbeknownst to Izaya, Mikado is evolving – at a rate that would take even Izaya aback. He was evolving from a high school boy who was the leader of the Dollars to a high school boy who was the leader of the Dollars and was pulling the strings behind the scenes on the color gangs, Yakuza and Japan's underworld, as if they were all puppets who didn't even know they had strings attached to them.

As the one who hates humans had said, he and Izaya had most likely underestimated Ryuugamine Mikado and his rate of evolution. That is why Izaya was not able to read the evolving human accurately -

Or had he?

But Ryuugamine Mikado and Kishitani Shinra are not as relevant to Orihara Izaya at the moment. The one relevant is the third human whom Izaya could not read –

Heiwajima Shizuo, the Monster of Ikebukuro.

It is unknown whether Izaya had labelled Shizuo as a monster as he could not read the unpredictable human and he did not know the reason why.

Nevertheless, although he called Shizuo unpredictable, he was at times predictable. These were the times when Izaya would provoke Shizuo intentionally and Shizuo would chase him and try to kill him. These were the moments with the monster Izaya enjoyed the most.

  
However, now was not one of those moments.

It was the end of such a moment with the advantage for once in the monster of Ikebukuro's favor, and Heiwajima Shizuo was being unpredictable once again.

He had not killed Izaya. He was touching Izaya but Izaya was not feeling any pain.

If there was a word to describe 'unpredictably unpredictable', Izaya would use it to describe Heiwajima Shizuo.

He was unable to read Heiwajima Shizuo at all.

Less than Kishitani Shinra, less than Ryuugamine Mikado.

Less than even himself.

 

 

Eyes - Shaded with no decipherable emotion. Eyebrows are unmoving.

Facial expression – Facial muscles unmoving.

Voice – Lacking, as he was not speaking.

Body language – Constant, unchanging. He had not moved, not twitched a muscle, except to take his hand.

Smile – Present, but with no observable emotion. Wryness present, but reason is unknown.

Throat – Completely still. No sign of swallowing, of hidden nervousness.

Hands – Unmoving – even the one which was holding his.

These were the steps normal people would take a while to go through, but Izaya simultaneously expended when he read humans.

These were the steps Izaya had gone through with Heiwajima Shizuo.

For the first time in his life, Izaya went through a step by step procedure to read a human, and arrived at the same conclusion –

  
Heiwajima Shizuo is unreadable.

Heiwajima Shizuo is so unreadable he is not even a closed book.

Heiwajima Shizuo is a closed book with no title, no words on the front and back.

Heiwajima Shizuo is a closed book bound with the strongest chains and with glue stuck between its pages.

Heiwajima Shizuo is a closed book, that even when forced open –

When the chains are cut and the pages are torn -

Reveals that there are no words within.

That it was never meant to be read.

 

_(To be continued in Part II)_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Durarara! Season 2 is finally out but I have no time to watch it arghhhhhhh! Well I have a bit of time but I don't want to rush it....
> 
> Butomg the opening shizu-chaaaaaaaan! hes become even more epic so epic i can't even type in uppercase anymoreeeeee. and that scene with shizuo and izaya, perfect,just Perfect. Parkour and Shizaya ftw!
> 
> Ok sorry I'm rambling lol. I realize it has been more than a week wayyyy more but I've been handling important things that couldn't be postponed so...I'll make it up by updating in the next few days. Capisce? ^_^ Perhaps even tomorrow~
> 
> (And if the chapter[part] is shorter than it seems and nothing really happened blame Izaya and his complicated thoughts. Most of it was occupied by his thinking (Shizu-chan will get his turn later on definitely!)  
>  Weeelll...at least he isn't too OOC even in such an unpredictable situation right?)


	8. Chapter 8

"Don't move."

As if Shizuo had surpassed him physically, mentally and emotionally, Izaya stilled at the statement which sounded like an order.

\- Why am I even listening to him?

Izaya knew, but his pride asked the question anyway, refusing to acknowledge the fact that Heiwajima Shizuo was currently superior to him in all three aspects of a human being – physical, mental and emotional.

He refused to even consider the spiritual aspect.

And having been reduced to feeling like a human, Izaya felt as if he should listen to Shizuo's words -

If he didn't want to face a fate worse than death.

Because the one whom had him captured was the Monster of Ikebukuro.

Izaya was confident in his dealings with humans as he always knew what was going to happen by reading his humans.

But this time, he did not know what was going to happen.

Apprehension and wariness was the closest Izaya would ever feel to fear towards someone, even if that someone was Heiwajima Shizuo.

"Don't you dare run away."

Shizuo was speaking again, but his baritone voice was rough but steady, and the only emotion Izaya could decipher from the words was a sense of desperation.

Which he didn't know the reason for – he was the one who was supposed to be desperate –

Desperate to get away from the unreadable monster.

Which was currently impossible, if Shizuo's words were not enough warning, the sudden tight grip on his hand was.

But Izaya was not a man to heed warnings.

"Why should I listen to you, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo did not reply, merely looked at him with those frustratingly unreadable eyes behind his sunglasses.

The smile on his face was gone.

_\- ….Wrong move, huh._

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Izaya felt as if he and Shizuo were playing a card game and Izaya had one card in his hand while Shizuo had two. One of the cards in Shizuo's hand was the match to Izaya's card and the key to Izaya's victory. And it had been Izaya's turn and he had taken a card from Shizuo – which turned out to be the Joker.

The thought made Izaya smile – widely, as if to compensate for Shizuo's lack of smile -

As he shuffled the two cards behind his back.

\- Now, which card will you take, Shizu-chan?

Izaya was no longer trying to predict or read the unreadable monster. He was merely waiting for the monster's next move.

"What will I do if you don't listen to me?"

It was as if Shizuo was examining his two cards as if he suddenly had x-ray vision after Izaya had shuffled them.

But Izaya's smile didn't falter.

He was good with throwing questions to gain information.

"Hm? What will you do, Shizu-chan?"

"Let me rephrase."

The grip on Izaya's hand was almost painful as Shizuo leaned in an inch closer – his eyes staring with unhidden intensity –

"What will Ikebukuro's Monster do if you don't listen to him – when you're caught in his territory?"

 

Izaya's mouth was open –

But no words came out.

Heiwajima Shizuo had rendered Orihara Izaya speechless.

Izaya felt as if Shizuo had extended his hand and took the card that wasn't the Joker even after Izaya had shuffled his cards, gaining him victory and leaving Izaya with only the Joker.

His attempt to throw Shizuo off had resulted in him being thrown off instead –

Indeed, it felt like a joke.

But Izaya felt no amusement.

\- How did he know which card to take?

\- Even after I shuffled them

\- Even after I shuffled my words and intentions –

\- As if he knew from the beginning

Izaya's eyes widened. The smile slipped off his face.

\- This is ridiculous.

\- I've lost.

\- I've lost – in a battle of words –

\- To Shizu-chan of all people.

\- To Shizuo.

  
Izaya inhaled. As if their positions had been reversed, as if he was the simple-minded one and Shizuo was the intelligent information broker, he spoke without thinking:

"I don't know what game you're playing."

Shizuo showed no reaction, but Izaya who had not even been anticipating Shizuo's reaction continued on brashly, with no smile on his face.

"And I don't know why you're not killing me when you've finally caught me. Nor do I know what you're going to do to me."

-  _What am I doing?_

Izaya's eyes were glaring at Shizuo, his fingernails digging into the skin of Shizuo's hand, his teeth clenched fiercely in anger.

_\- Giving information freely_

Eyes that seemed blood red in the alleyway flashed a warning.

_\- I'm losing control_

_"_ And I don't care that you're the Monster of Ikebukuro. You don't know me so let me tell you, I'm Orihara Izaya, the information broker of Shinjuku. You're not the only dangerous man of Ikebukuro. Don't you dare underestimate me, Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Because I am not afraid of you."

  
For once, Orihara Izaya had spoken to Heiwajima Shizuo as if they were equals, as if Shizuo was not just a monster but someone who was a monster because he was on par with the one whom considered himself a god –

As if he acknowledged The God of Destruction –

As if Heiwajima Shizuo had the mental capacity to counter his.

"…Say that again."

Shizuo's voice was so rough that his words sounded like a warning. He had taken off his sunglasses and his sharp hazel eyes pierced Izaya like a signpost could pierce his body.

But Izaya did not back down on his words as he looked Shizuo in the eye.

"I said, I'm not afraid of you, Heiwajima Shizuo."

"No matter how unpredictable you are, I will never be afraid of you. So you can stop trying to –"

Izaya's words were cut off, the information broker nearly biting his tongue off as he was jerked forward into the monster's arms.

His eyes widened as he was crushed in the monster's embrace.

 

_\- What the hell?_

That was Izaya's thought as he froze when Shizuo pulled him into his arms, and he raised his gaze to see Shizuo's smile.

-  _He's smiling?_

_\- He looks like he's going to eat me._

Shizuo lowered his gaze, and Izaya could finally see emotion in his brown eyes.

Emotion that told him the Monster of Ikebukuro was not just satisfied –

He was happy – if the way his smile evolved into a grin which showed all his sharp teeth was any indication.

\- ….Is he going to eat me?

Izaya was too shocked to even prevent himself from thinking such a ridiculous thought.

Shizuo's thought, on the other hand, was quite different.

_He's not a woman, so why the hell does he fit so perfectly in my arms?_

"Shizu…-chan?"

 

 

That damned nickname Shizuo had hated so much suddenly sounded so fitting in the situation.

He'd questioned what the hell a "Shizu-chan" was and since he couldn't understand what the hell a "Shizu-chan" was, besides some girly nickname, it had pissed him off.

He knew his name meant "Quiet Man" and it was as if Izaya had given him a nickname that made no sense on purpose for he was the reason Shizuo was not a quiet man. He had even sat down and thought about the origin of the nickname and when it didn't come to him he had smashed the table in anger. And Izaya just had to come in at that moment and say something annoying  _with that damn nickname_  so he had stood up so he could throw the chair at Izaya which the damn flea dodged as usual and then Shizuo had chased after him as he ran.

And the fact that it was the flea using it with that irritating taunting smirk on his face had pissed him off even more. If it was some girl maybe he wouldn't have minded, because girls liked to add the feminine suffix "chan" to the end of boys' names to make it sound cute.

But girls were too afraid of him to ever dare to feminize his name. At least not in front of him anyway. Not like the flea who was always spouting "Shizu-chan" "Shizu-chan" "Shizu-chan". Annoying, annoying. Annoying.

But now, it wasn't so annoying. He actually kind of liked it. Maybe it was because he had grown used to it. But more because he was holding the one whom had called him "Shizu-chan", had dared to feminize his name because he wasn't afraid of him. And he was holding the one whom wasn't afraid of him in his arms. The damned nickname even sounded like a sign of closeness. Like how he'd heard girls use the suffix "chan" with their boyfriends to show their affection…even though Izaya wasn't a girl.

Though he couldn't help but ridiculously hope that intention of affection still applied.

That somehow, even though Izaya wasn't a woman, that the effeminate flea was toying with his name and called him 'Shizu-chan' because he copied girls who teased their boyfriends with the feminine suffix.

Yeah, it sounded like the flea, who probably wanted to piss him off by calling him a name a girl should be calling him, not some flea who had ruined his life –

And now, ruining his heart, for he was sure his heart was beating too fast that it had to be unhealthy.

But frustratingly, Izaya seemed to be just the right height and right build for Shizuo to hold. Shorter than him but not too short, with a body that was slender but with lean muscle.

So Shizuo placed his hand on the back of Izaya's head and pushed him gently forward so that Izaya was tucked perfectly under his chin, vaguely hearing Izaya's yelp as the flea's forehead collided with his hard chest and vaguely hoping the impact killed some of Izaya's brain cells.

The flea was too smart for his own good.

"Shizu-chan!"

Izaya seemed to be protesting. And beating his fists against Shizuo's chest.

"What are you doing?! Release me at once!"

"Shut up."

Shizuo said distractedly to the noise he had heard. The massage was nice though. And so was the warmth against his heart.

Shizuo rested his chin on Izaya's hair as he tightened his grip around Izaya's slender body, a rueful smile on his face.

\- He's not afraid of me.

\- He really isn't afraid of me.

\- He said it himself.

\- He's not trembling in my arms

\- He's not afraid of me.

\- He's not afraid of me.

\- He's not afraid of me

\- He's not afraid….

 

  
 

Having been faced with fear all his life from everyone around him, Heiwajima Shizuo could immediately tell when someone genuinely wasn't afraid of him.

He would observe their reaction – in a simultaneous manner that was almost like Izaya's –

The only difference being though Heiwajima Shizuo would execute such an observation in an unconscious manner, his brain had yet to compute such.

It would only compute two conclusions, and two conclusions only:

They're afraid of me, like everyone else.

They're not afraid of me.

Along with his other segregated conclusions on a person –

They piss me off.

They don't piss me off.

Usually, to Heiwajima Shizuo whose brain ran on instincts, this was a task that would take a millisecond.

For those who were afraid of him often pissed him off, and those who were not afraid of him would be less likely to piss him off.

But Orihara Izaya was different, for he was an exception –

He was not afraid of Shizuo, and yet he pissed Shizuo off.

This was because Orihara Izaya was something – a phenomenon Heiwajima Shizuo could not understand –

He defied Heiwajima Shizuo's logic.

However, Heiwajima Shizuo was unaware of this.

He was only aware that with his newfound romantic feelings towards Orihara Izaya, the man had suddenly become something he could try to understand.

His complicated feelings towards Orihara Izaya had suddenly become something he could understand.

Not even Heiwajima Shizuo himself knew how this had come about, when he himself had not even been aware that the reason why Orihara Izaya bothered him so was because he was an anomaly to Heiwajima Shizuo's logic.

To put it basically, Heiwajima Shizuo felt more at peace now that he understood his complicated feelings towards Orihara Izaya even though he wasn't even aware he didn't understand them in the first place.

Such was the twisted paradox that was Heiwajima Shizuo's mind.

 

 

\- ….Of me.

\- H e ' s

\- N o t

\- A f r aid

\- O f

\- M e

  
Each word was slowly internalized by Shizuo's brain, smashed against each other with brutal force yet not breaking to create a breathtaking conclusion -

_Damn it._

"I love you."

Shizuo said out loud as he held Izaya close, feeling as if Izaya belonged in his arms, saying the words as if it was not the first time -

"I love you. I love you so much. I realized that when I thought you were afraid of me."

"W-What?"

_…Ah shit. I just confessed, didn't I?_

The words had just slipped out – holding Izaya so close, hugging the person he loved to him – being able to do so - it had seemed like the natural thing to say for Shizuo.

" _What_ did you just say, Shizu-chan?"

"I said I'm in love with you, shitty flea."

Shizuo inhaled, meeting Izaya's eyes -

"You're mine."

 

\- Mine

He's mine.

I want him to be mine.

He's such a shitty flea and he always pisses me off, but he's mine.

He can be mine since he's such a bastard no one likes or wants him.

I don't need to feel he deserves someone better than a monster

He must be mine

If he's mine…it'll mean he belongs to me, right?

It'll mean no one will take him away from me.

Where else…would I find someone who truly accepts this monster I am?

Where else…could I find someone I'm not afraid of hurting…

To reveal all sides of me since he already has all the information on me…

Someone to love freely…..just like this?

Izaya…

These were the thoughts running through Shizuo's head.

"Izaya…"

The informant's name slipped from his lips, in such a soft murmur he wasn't sure Izaya heard it.

 

Unaware of Shizuo's thoughts, Izaya was at a loss and said the one thing he could think of at the moment -

"You're joking…right?"

_\- This…is just his way of screwing with me, right?_

_In revenge for me screwing with him and pretending to be afraid of him…_

_He's doing something I would never expect him to do…_

_Since he's unpredictable like always_

_Isn't that right…Shizu-chan?_

\- ….Hahahaha! HAHAHAHAHA! I love you*? I love you?! You know you love me?!

\- HAHA! HAHAHA! Hey Shizu-chan, you should have said 'I like you' or 'I love you', maybe it would have been more believable!

Izaya had remembered, in that little card game in his mind, that he had taken one of Shizuo's two cards which had turned out to be the Joker.

Izaya felt immensely relieved at this - and was close to even smiling and declaring his amusement which was bubbling up in laughter from his throat, when the monster foiled his plans again -

"It's not a joke."

  
Shizuo said as he hugged Izaya closer, hugged the person whose body felt like it was born to be in his arms –

"I love you."

He spoke the single word again, shamelessly.

"You're mine. I've fallen in love with you so you're mine. Damn it…"

Shizuo gave a broken grin, squeezing Izaya so tight it was almost painful.

"Damn it. Of all people, why the hell did I fall in love with you."

"But I love you…so damn much."

Shizuo breathed the honest words of confession against Izaya's face.

"Izaya."

  
"….…"

The laughter in his throat died away.

Izaya could hear the breathy quality to Shizuo's usually rough voice, could hear the monster's voice in a way he had never heard it before.

He could hear the honesty, that disgusting, infallible honesty that said nothing but the truth.

It was not a joke. Not Shizuo's revenge for tricking him.

"How the heck…"

Izaya's voice was hoarse, entirely devoid of its usual smoothness and confidence.

"….Did that happen?"

"I don't know. It just happened."

Those words were the honest truth.

 

 

He could see that emotion - that emotion he had witnessed so many times in his beloved humans.

In Shinra's eyes when he spoke of Celty.

In Celty's demeanour when she defended Shinra (since Celty was so human it was almost disgusting).

In Namie's words when she shamelessly spoke of her brother.

In Yagiri Seiji's eyes when he looked at Harima Mika's face, and in Harima Mika's eyes when she looked at the man who loved her for her face.

In Kida Masaomi and Mikajima Saki when they were together.

In Ryuugamine Mikado's and Sonohara Anri's protectiveness of each other.

There were so many more, so many more instances in which he had seen that elusive emotion -

Love.

He had seen it so many times, but had never expected it to be directed to him -

Much less by the monster.

By Heiwajima Shizuo.

He had never expected anyone to show love towards him.

But now there - there it was -

And it was in the monster's eyes.

  
It would have been better if it was lust instead of love. For even though it was disgusting to think about, Izaya could at least find a reason.

Their hatred for each other was so intense he wouldn't have been completely surprised if Shizuo had exerted his frustration in lust. And he would have accepted it, maybe even play the helpless victim, in order to cause the monster more guilt afterwards and make him feel even more of a monster.

For lust was a primal emotion, and was logical in the situation of pent up frustration, especially sexual frustration.

At least then, Shizuo's actions would have been logical. He could have accepted it better, even if it disgusted him so.

But love - romantic love -

Had no logic.

Had no reason.

Just.

Happened.

 

   
He couldn't fathom how the monster had fallen in love with him.

It was illogical.

It went against all his expectations.

There was no logic or reasoning behind it, as far as he knew.

It had just, happened.

But things with Heiwajima Shizuo  _just happened._

He would just happen to snap and then suddenly there was a man or two flying ten feet into the air.

He would just happen to lift up any public property he could conveniently find and throw them in a fit of rage.

He would just happen to unleash violence that wasn't even supposed to be possible -

And gain the wariness but respect of dangerous people like the Awakusu-kai and the Russian assassins, when he wasn't involved in any shady activities at all.

He just happened to be there to knock the Killing Machine, the seventh deadliest assassin in Russia and the Killing Monster Hollywood out with a park bench.

He just happened to save Awakusu Akane and gain the respect of the Red Demon of the Awakusu-kai, and shock the Crow in the process, who was a logical-minded person like him though she was nowhere near his level.

He just happened to gain the Crow as his first kouhai and just happened to be unaware of her killing intentions or her admiration towards him for he just happened to not recognize her without her helmet.

He just happened to beat people whom had trained all their lives to be as skilled and experienced as they were - without breaking a single sweat –

 

Without even intending to do so, only intending to release his anger.

He just happened to do things that weren't even supposed to happen.

He just happened to have that incredible strength.

He just happened to be born without the natural limiter of the human body.

He just happened to be an honest man.

He just happened to be a peaceful man who hated violence while at the same time was the personification of violence.

He just happened to be unpredictable.

He just happened to have friends.

He just happened to be the Headless Rider's best friend, the catalyst for Izaya's plans.

He just happened to be the Strongest Man in Ikebukuro.

He just happened to be known as the God of Destruction because of his destructive power even though he had no control over his power at all.

He just happened to not fall for Izaya's lies like everyone else.

He just happened to be the only one Izaya could not make use of and control.

He just happened to be there to ruin all of Izaya's plans.

He just happened to piss Izaya off by his mere existence alone.

He just happened to be the one being Izaya hated.

He just happened to not fall in love with a woman -

And just happened to fall in love with the man whom he was supposed to hate -

And hated him more than anyone else -

For being a monster amongst his beloved humans.

 

Such thoughts left a sour taste in Izaya's mouth.

He was annoyed, extremely annoyed -

It was frustrating enough when the monster displayed illogical feats of strength, and ruined all his logical plans.

Now he had given Izaya something else illogical. Something without reason, something that had again,  _just happened._

He had given love to Orihara Izaya.

Love is without reason.

Orihara Izaya surrounded himself with logic and reason, and Heiwajima Shizuo was an illogical existence.

And as if to frustrate him with his unpredictability and lack of reason even more, he had given Izaya the most illogical thing he could ever give -

Love.

 

 

 

With Heiwajima Shizuo's confession to Orihara Izaya, Ikebukuro was now facing something more illogical than the existence of Heiwajima Shizuo.

Such an illogical thing like romantic love, combined with the most illogical being in the world, Heiwajima Shizuo -

Towards the most logical man in Ikebukuro – Orihara Izaya –

Was not supposed to happen- was never supposed to happen –

But things around Heiwajima Shizuo - his violence, his reputation –

And things in him – his emotions – his anger – his hatred – his love –

Just happened.

 

 

_(To be continued in Part III)_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation Afternote
> 
> *Izaya says this as there are different ways to say "I love you" in Japanese. However, the Japanese generally don't express their love openly. They believe that love can be expressed by manners. Thus in a romantic confession, it is preferred to use the phrase "suki desu （"好きです". ) It literally means, "to like". "Suki da （好きだ）," "suki dayo" (好きだよ, male speech) or "suki yo (好きよ, female speech)" are more colloquial expressions. If someone feels 'suki' is not enough, they would use 'daisuki' (大好き) meaning "I like you very much." Or "I love you."
> 
> Izaya is saying that it would be more believable for Shizuo to use "suki desu （好きです)" or more informally, "suki dayo" (好きだよ), or even "daisuki dayo （大好きだよ）" instead of "Aishiteru （愛してる）" – then he might have believed Shizuo's confession.
> 
> "I love you" (the form in which Shizuo uses the sentence) can be translated as, "aishite imasu （愛しています）". "Aishiteru （愛してる）", "aishiteru yo （愛してるよ）" - literally translated (verbally) as "I know there is love." Or "I know love." 
> 
> Verbally because 'shiteru' (してる) is not the same as 'shitteru' (しってる), the extra t changes the meaning of the whole word lol. 'Know' is 'shitteru' (しってる), not 'shiteru' (してる). 'shiteru' like in 'aishiteru' means something like, 'to do' something, so a possible english translation of "Aishiteru （愛してる）" would be something like, "I'm loving you." 'Cause "I'm doing the act of loving you." sounds a bit weird lol.
> 
> But for an English translation (verbally), Shizuo could be sounding as if he is saying, "I know I love you." This is why Izaya laughs at Shizuo when he thinks Shizuo is saying he knows love.
> 
> To quote, 'This is crazy love reserved for soulmates, and you almost never ever ever hear someone say "ai shiteru." in contemporary Japan.' And if this word is said, it usually is in Japanese drama and anime. And I think Shizuo would be the exact type of crazy person to say Aishiteru （愛してる） when he's in love. When he finally feels as if he can love.
> 
> He would be the craziest in a confession.
> 
> 'Love is without reason' is also a Japanese saying -
> 
> Koi wa shian no hoka.
> 
> 恋は思案のほか。
> 
> Haha. I just thought it was a nice coincidence.


	9. Chapter 9

  
He should be confessing –

He should be continuing his confession with the reasons for his confession, like how he had simulated with Vorona –

But he couldn't. With Izaya so close to him, he couldn't think of what he had even said that time, couldn't calm down and get those honest words out from his heart –

Which was pounding so hard in his chest it was almost painful, even though his body wasn't physically moving, wasn't chasing the flea –

Whom he had in his arms and so wasn't smirking at him with that irritating, superior smirk –

Because he was holding him.

Holding Izaya –

Close to him.

 

\- The world must be ending.

Izaya thought. In fact, he half expected a meteor to come falling from the sky –

For there must be something noteworthy happening up in space, in the cosmos to bring about such a cosmological change in Heiwajima Shizuo.

Perhaps, if he prayed hard enough, a comet would drop down onto the Earth as a meteor into Ikebukuro, Japan and eliminate Heiwajima Shizuo for him.

Izaya sought solace in such a thought, for if the monster was in love with him, then he would protect him from the meteor and take the damage himself – leading to his death.

\- Oh wouldn't that be lovely!

Izaya took fondness in such a thought, his lips almost curling into a smile.

But as he tried to imagine the scene in his mind, his glee faded –

For the monster in front of him was behaving differently in his mind. Since Heiwajima Shizuo was such a monster, if a meteor really dropped onto him and Izaya, he would probably bat it away like it was a mere baseball with his fist alone - while yelling something monster-esque like –

"THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, INTERRUPTING MY FUCKING CONFESSION WITH THE FUCKING FLEA?! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM ANYWAY, GIANT PIECE OF ROCK?! WHATEVER, SCRAM, BASTARD!"

-and send it flying back into space, millions of light years away from Earth – where it would crash into another asteroid and send debris ruining down on another unfortunate planet and on whatever unfortunate species living on that unfortunate planet.

Yes, he would indeed yell something retarded, totally unaware of how he was defying the laws of physics and how he had just defied his time of death.

Izaya sulked unhappily at this, lips turning upside down to show his displeasure that even a meteor would not be able to get rid of Heiwajima Shizuo.

  
At this, Heiwajima Shizuo's heart skipped a beat and he felt a flush on his cheeks at the sight of the downturn of Izaya's lips which seemed like a pout and signalled 'adorable' to him, which Izaya was entirely unaware of, just as he was unaware of what Izaya was thinking.

To Shizuo, Izaya's petulance and unhappiness was appealing because it held a quality more prone to be associated with teddy bears and kittens.

Though he didn't hug teddy bears or kittens, he hugged fleas.

Actually he didn't hug fleas, the annoying little hopping buggers.

He hugged the flea, the biggest Flea of all –

There was only one Flea – Orihara Izaya.

And apparently, he thought as he stared at Izaya's soft looking lips, he kissed the flea too.

The flea whom he had in his arms –

The flea whom he had finally caught.

Thus Izaya had his expectations thwarted by Shizuo again when the man in a bartender suit suddenly moved in close and did what he decided he would do.

 

"….?!"

Izaya struggled the moment he got over his shock and regained control of his motor senses, but Shizuo's hand held his head in place and his lips connected to the monster's.

\- ^%#$ &$! ?! -

_-_ _Какого черта?!_

_-_ _C'est quoi ce bordel!?_

_-_ _他_ _妈_ _的_ _!_

_-_ _Was zum Teufel!_

_\- What the f-?!_

Profanities flitted through Izaya's head in five different languages, but his mouth was occupied by the monster's mouth and he wasn't able to utter any of them in even a single language.

It was like struggling against a boulder that had suddenly come alive and decided to crash upon him, a boulder so powerful and hard that a meteor would bounce off it and back into space.

"Mine."

Though boulders didn't snarl in the middle of knocking him out of his senses that he belonged to them.

 

The flea was struggling in his arms, but Shizuo didn't care or notice.

All he cared about was that the flea was in his arms, and his.

He had finally caught the flea.

The flea whom he could touch.

And it was touch that he needed.

He needed to touch – touch so that he could know Izaya was here, that Izaya wasn't running away from him in fear –

Like everyone else.

Shizuo felt a surge of possessiveness overcome him and he growled low in his throat something that made the flea struggle harder and shout something incomprehensible.

"你到底在干什么?!"

"Wrong language, flea."

Someone that sounded like him muttered as he pushed his tongue into the flea's mouth, who had thankfully stopped resisting for a moment only to resume a second later with even more incomprehensible words.

"Какого черта ты делаешь?!"

"…"

Shizuo was getting annoyed at this. The flea sounded even more rubbish than usual, and he was still trying to talk with Shizuo's tongue in his mouth.

\- Bastard can't even let me kiss him in peace.

Shizuo's own thought made him even more annoyed and he withdrew before he bit the flea's tongue off in his frustration, glaring at Izaya who was glaring back at him.

" _What do you think you were doing?!"_

"What?"

Shizuo said, even more annoyed because Izaya had spoken three languages which was not their native language.

English was taking a while to compute in his head.

Especially with his annoyance clouding the translation process.

Not wanting to misunderstand, Shizuo spoke his annoyance out.

"Tch. Speak Japanese, flea."

  
Izaya seemed to start at that, before he visibly recomposed himself. He tore away from Shizuo and suddenly the man in a bartender suit had a knife in his face.

"I said, what do you think you're doing?"

Izaya spoke in an unusually calm tone, but there was no mistaking the flurry of emotions that flashed across his eyes.

  
"….."

Shizuo titled his head. He blinked, as he vaguely wondered if his kiss had messed the flea's head up that much since Izaya hadn't seemed to realize he wasn't speaking Japanese.

Izaya seemed truly surprised, and Shizuo deduced that perhaps he hadn't explained his actions sufficiently for the flea was annoyingly smart yet annoyingly enough didn't seem to get what he was doing to him.

Shizuo didn't know whether to smile or scowl.

So he did neither, instead moving forward as Izaya backed away, still holding the knife in front of him as if it was a weapon when to Shizuo, it was nothing more than a defence mechanism.

"Touching you."

Shizuo said simply as he swiped Izaya's knife out of his grip, brushing it aside with his foot when it fell to the floor –

"So shut up for once, will you?"

"Wha-hey!"

Izaya let out a surprised cry as Shizuo slammed him against the wall, holding his wrists above his head with one hand.

"S-Shizu-chan?!"

"Izaya…"

Shizuo stared at the trapped flea who could not run away from him.

"Izaya…"

He leaned forward, leg sliding in between Izaya's legs, causing Izaya's eyes to widen.

"Wait,"

Izaya gasped, struggling against Shizuo's hold -

"Wait! Shizu-chan, you're going to take advantage of me? I didn't think you were that kind of man."

  
If that look in the monster's eyes had been lust, Izaya would have reacted differently. He would have laughed, and welcomed the beast with open arms. Or enacted that plan he had thought of, of playing the helpless victim.

But it wasn't. It was love.

Having never been shown love before, Izaya did not know how to face the emotion when it was directed towards him.

Especially when it was in such quiet intensity that made him want to flee.

"It's not taking advantage if you want it."

Shizuo replied, laying kisses over Izaya's slender, exposed neck as he breathed Izaya's name again.

"Izaya."

 

With such sincere affections laid in a lover's kisses across his skin, Izaya was for once, at a loss of what to do.

Tasting his mouth didn't seem to be enough for the monster – now he was tasting his skin as well, touching and feeling –

Which was so much worse than a kiss to fulfil desire, now Shizuo's kisses permeated his skin with the emotion that didn't exist to Izaya before then and shouldn't exist to the monster.

And he  _didn't know_  why, other than Shizuo's honest declaration that it had just happened.

He had no information. Orihara Izaya had no information at all on the illogical situation - making him lose his grip on his control -

And sink into panic.

"I don't want it!"

Izaya protested viciously, trying to get his wrists out of Shizuo's iron grip as he leaned his neck away from Shizuo's hungry mouth as far as he could.

"Damn it, Shizu-chan! Stop!"

His voice went an octave higher as Shizuo's hand slipped under his shirt, and Shizuo's knee pressed against him.

"I said stop, Shizuo - !"

He thrashed against the larger man's body, thrashed until Shizuo looked at him as if just realizing he was resisting -

"…You don't want it?"

Shizuo's voice was small. Small and quiet. His eyes stared intensely at Izaya, his hand up the informant's shirt, the touch warming the pale stomach. One of his hands moved to Izaya's cheek as he stared into Izaya's eyes.

"You don't want me?"

"As if -"

Izaya spoke, his voice hoarse and breathless, his cheeks flushed in anger and embarrassment and his eyes flashing with wild ferocity and frustration –

"- I would ever want a monster. As if anyone would ever want a monster!"

He snarled like a predator trapped by a larger predator as he spat the words out at Shizuo.

"Do you really need me to spell it out for you? I hate you! I HATE YOU, HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO! A monster like you shouldn't even EXIST!"

  
"…."

Silence, then Shizuo spoke:

"I may be a monster."

Shizuo's voice was low, and his eyes brimmed with emotion –

With the realization that he wanted the flea, wanted him more than he had wanted anything in his life –

Wanted him with every breath in his body held compressed in his chest in the flea's presence –

Wanted him with every fibre in every muscle in his indestructible body -

Wanted him even more than he wanted his peace which the flea frequently destroyed -

But the flea didn't want him.

"And you may hate me. But I'm not the kind of man you think I am. If you don't want it, say so. I want you."

The monster was suddenly close to Izaya's face.

"I want you so much, shitty flea. But if you don't want me, if you hate me, I won't force you. I don't know how the fuck I fell in love with you, but I will never take advantage of anyone, not even you."

"Because I…"

Izaya could practically feel the emotion in Shizuo's voice as he touched his forehead to his and stared into his eyes with honesty an informant like him could not comprehend -

"Love you. Izaya."

With those words, Shizuo withdrew from Izaya, then turned and walked away, leaving Izaya involuntarily trembling and alone in the alleyway.

 

**Several minutes later, in Shinra's and Celty's apartment**

 

[Celty, can you come to the usual place? I think I need some company.]

These were the words that had Celty rushing out of the house despite Shinra's protests, mounting her motorbike and speeding through the streets of Ikebukuro as fast as she could, uncaring if she attracted the attention of the police.

Shizuo rarely messaged her. He rarely used his phone.

 

At the speed she was going at, it didn't take long for her to reach the place miles away from Shinra's place. The blond man in a bartender suit was there in the isolated area, leaning against the railing with a distant look in his eyes.

Celty got off her motorbike, walking to Shizuo as swiftly as she could as she typed on her PDA.

[Shizuo…?]

"Hey Celty."

"….."

[Are you…okay?]

"I…..Confessed. To Izaya."

[What…did he say?]

"He rejected me."

Shizuo said simply. There was a disturbing lack of emotion in his voice –

As if the pain was so great it had made him numb.

"I didn't expect him to accept me, I know he hates me, and he practically stabbed a knife into my heart with his words, but I didn't expect it…"

As Shizuo spoke, his hand went unconsciously to the heart squeezing in his chest -

"To hurt…like this."

"….."

"….I mean…he fitted perfectly in my arms, you know? When I hugged him. It felt like he was born to be in my arms, when I managed to finally catch him…as if his body was made for mine to hold and I'd finally found the one I was meant to be with…...I could tuck him away under my chin, take him away from his world of humans he loves so much…..and rest my head on top of his...…just like that…just like I've seen couples do...…"

Shizuo drifted off, as if Celty was not there and he was recalling the emotions in the scene to himself.

"I could hold him close, because he's the flea and he's shown me he can't be crushed by me…"

"…..I've never…held anyone like that before…"

_Shizuo…_

  
Celty remained silent, because despite Shizuo's casual words, his eyes could not hide the pain he was feeling.

She had never experienced the feeling of heartbreak. She was fortunate enough that the one whom she loved, loved her back.

So she kept her PDA, and stood by her fellow monster's side, hoping her presence would offer him some comfort from the turmoil in his heart.

 

"..….Ahhhhh….."

Shizuo's face was turned up towards the sky, his blond hair covering his eyes. There was a bitter smile on his lips.

Celty watched, her heart clenching in pain for Shizuo as a single tear trailed down his cheek.

"I guess I really love him, huh."

 

 

* * *

There was a boy in Ikebukuro.

The boy was a normal boy. He was not an orphan, nor was he a child of a single parent. He had two caring parents who loved him and a brother he got into quarrels with but whom he cared for and whom cared for him in return.

The boy lived a content life – until the day he picked up the fridge in a quarrel with his brother.

That was the day the boy discovered he was not as normal as he had thought.

He was born without the natural limiter of the human body, which enabled him to use 100% of his strength anytime he needed it, with the result of negative consequences to the overexerted body.

As if he had been living the life of another person, the rest of the boy's childhood was filled with fights, broken bones and trips to the hospital –

As he embarked on a journey of self-destruction –

Pain, pain and pain – until pain was nothing to him and he could no longer feel pain.

After having had almost all his bones broken, the boy's body became indestructible and with his superhuman strength, he became feared and thus shunned.

One would inquire about the origin of his superhuman strength that surpassed human logic. Yet, one would have to ask the boy himself –

And flee in fear when told the boy in the past grew up to be the man in a bartender suit.

Shunned by society, the boy led a lonely life, not having any friends save for a few.

There was one instance when that loneliness was soothed, by the gentle touch of a woman.

Having never been shown kindness by a stranger until he met the woman who smiled at him, the boy fell for her, and his heart felt as if it had regained that sense of contentment it had lost.

However, that moment was not to last long. With his superhuman strength, the boy ended up hurting the woman – even when all he had wanted to do was save her.

That incident told the boy one thing, and one thing only:

I can't be in a relationship without hurting the person, I can't love anyone without hurting them.

It was unknown to the boy whether he had really loved the woman, or whether it had been just a crush. However, what the boy did know was that his feelings had hurt the woman whom he had cared for greatly.

His crush had crushed her, literally.

Having been involved in many fights, the boy would seem to the public eye as uncaring and a bad boy. However, it was the exact opposite. What the boy wanted the most was to not hurt anyone with his strength.

His true feelings were known only to himself and his companion which the city would come to know later as the Headless Rider.

Thus with the lesson learned from the incident, the boy lived his life.

 

In the boy's life, there was another boy. This boy was significant as he was not afraid of the boy with superhuman strength.

At their first meeting, the boy with an open heart whom nobody wanted to get close to spoke to the boy whom had closed his heart:

"I don't like you."

No one knew why the boy would not like someone whom was not afraid of him, when that was what he had always wanted. But those words were said to the boy who had his heart closed all the same.

Those words had earned the boy a slash across his chest from a knife and a look in the other boy's eyes which pissed him off.

With that third significant incident in the boy's life, the two males became enemies and their violent fights were extended from their school, Raijin High, to the streets of Ikebukuro.

These two males became the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro –

Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya.

 

  
Orihara Izaya had never been important to Heiwajima Shizuo.

Orihara Izaya had always been in the boy's life, but the boy had never considered him important. Orihara Izaya was not afraid of him, but he made use of him and the boy did not care about him except to unleash violence on him.

In addition, Orihara Izaya was male, and thus there could be no love or affection which the boy wanted involved whenever the other boy approached him.

There could not be friendship either, for Orihara Izaya made the boy too angry to ever be friends with him. They could not have a civil conversation without getting into a fight.

Thus they continued to be uncivilized and violent towards each other for continuing years, continuing their relationship of hatred from teenagers until adulthood.

As he was neither his friend nor his lover, Orihara Izaya was thus not important to Heiwajima Shizuo despite the fact he was one of the few people who was not afraid of him.

Until Orihara Izaya became one of the people afraid of him.

 

When he realized Orihara Izaya was afraid of him, the boy who is now a man was concerned.

Not because he cared for Orihara Izaya, but because it was out of the ordinary and something he had never ever thought would happen.

Orihara Izaya was breaking their routine and the man did not like it.

But there was nothing he could do. He could not force someone to not be afraid of him, for it was natural to be afraid of him. And even though it was Izaya who did unnatural things, he couldn't force him all the same.

Unable to unleash the violence he hated on Izaya, the man was troubled, and his heart began to change.

Concern turned into worry, anger turned into frustration, hatred turned into an emotion that made him feel uncomfortable in his chest.

Prompted by his boss who could deal with him, the man shared his unknown feelings –

And discovered he was in love.

This was the second time the male had such intense feelings in his life, the first time having been those feelings towards the woman whom had shown him kindness.

Yet this time, he had guides who could decipher his emotions for him. Guides whom he trusted, and whom he cared for.

And those guides – those people confirmed for him –

That he was in love.

With another man.

With the one whom he had hated.

And so the man thought.

And discovered his thoughts were mostly the same.

Only with the emotion of love instead of hatred.

  
Had it been any other man, this would have been his conclusion:

"Was I in love with him all along?"

But the man was no normal man. He was the man in a bartender suit, Heiwajima Shizuo.

And thus he did not care for theories. What he cared for was possibility –

The possibility of being able to love without hurting the person –

For the person he loved was a person who had never been afraid of him –

A person who he was not able to hurt even when he wanted so badly to –

A person whom accepted him and his monstrous strength -

A person whom he could be in a relationship with.

Unlike a normal person, the man was not troubled by his contradictory feelings.

For he was a contradicting existence in itself.

He loved peace but what filled his life was violence.

He wanted to hurt no one but he hurt everyone.

He wanted to be loved but he wouldn't let anyone love him.

He was strong in physical strength but weak in mental strength.

He was a kind man at heart but all people saw him as was a monster.

He was a monster when he was using his full human potential of the physical body.

He wanted to love but he would love no one.

Even his name was contradictory and ironic. "Quiet Man on a Peaceful Island" was a total contradiction to the violent monster he was.

The only thing not contradictory in his life was Orihara Izaya, with whom violence was routine. There were no contradictions in their relationship. Orihara Izaya was the flea. Orihara Izaya made him use the violence he hated. Orihara Izaya would not die. Heiwajima Shizuo hated Orihara Izaya. Those had been his honest, true feelings.

Thus to the man, all the difference in those changed feelings was, hatred had changed to love.

Heiwajima Shizuo loved Orihara Izaya.

Heiwajima Shizuo loved the flea. Heiwajima Shizuo loved that Orihara Izaya made him use the violence he hated as it meant Orihara Izaya accepted him as violence was a huge part of him. Heiwajima Shizuo loved that Orihara Izaya could not die no matter how much violence he inflicted on him.

Again, there were no contradictions in those genuine feelings.

To the man, it was like a breath of fresh air after having been submerged in murky water for a lifetime. There was no internal conflict in him, once he had accepted the hatred he felt had changed to love.

With no internal conflict in the contradictory man, there was no self-deprecation, no doubt and secret insecurity –

There was peace.

The kind of peace the man had longed for all his life.

Feeling as if he was a new man, the man shared his feelings with the one whom had given him his peace -

And the other man had rejected him.

Orihara Izaya had rejected him.

The woman had not rejected him – the boy had rejected himself when he saw that he had hurt her.

It was the first time the man had been rejected in a romantic confession.

It was the first time the man had given a romantic confession.

Those words of rejection had not been planned. The man had made sure they would not be planned as he thrust his feelings upon Izaya unexpectedly. Thus they could not have been planned.

For Orihara Izaya had said those words when he had lacked control –

Which meant that those words of rejection had come from his heart.

Orihara Izaya had finally managed to hurt him –

To stab him in the heart.

Hearing that the one whom he loved hated him broke the man's heart.

Because he was a monster who shouldn't exist.

It was that claim which had kept the man's heart from shattering into irreparable pieces, as it was a claim he had heard from the hearts of everyone else.

  
Still, even as he confined fragile hope in his breaking heart, the man in a bartender suit stood looking up into the unnecessarily beautiful evening sky of the city which he had grown up in, his only company the other monster of the city.

In contrast to his deafening anger, his sorrow was silent.

As he felt pain in his heart –

Pain he never knew he could feel.

 

 

_Chapter 3 END_


	10. Chapter 10

_**CHAPTER 4  
TWILIGHT ZONE** _

_***An ambiguous area between two different states, ways of life, conditions, etc** _

 

_"I love you."_

Being held close, an honest, shameless confession.

\- Disgusting.

_"You're mine. I've fallen in love with you so you're mine."_

A man larger, taller, stronger - holding him so tightly it squeezed his heart –

\- How dare you.

_"Because I…"_

Genuine emotion ringing in his ears, coupled with impossible honesty in hazel eyes, the feeling of a forehead against his –

\- How dare you, Heiwajima Shizuo

_"Love you. Izaya."_

SLAM

Whispers surmounted in the air. The black haired male with his hair over his eyes withdrew his fist.

The metal pole was undamaged. He didn't have the strength of a certain monster.

He moved onward, for once uncaring of the information in his surroundings. The information in his mind held more importance at the moment.

His knuckles stung with a sharp pain as he clenched his fist.

\- Murphy's Law it may be

\- But I swear I'll make you pay, Heiwajima Shizuo.

Izaya was furious, as his heart raced in his chest.

\- So close.

\- I WAS SO CLOSE –

\- ….To Checkmate.

His lips twisted into an ugly snarl, openly showing the frustration and irritation the monster brought about in his usually controlled being.

\- How is this even in the game?

\- This isn't in the game, damn it!

\- Love isn't in the game.

\- Love was never supposed to be in the game!

\- How dare you ruin my plan –

\- My game -

\- Shizu-chan?

Izaya inhaled, his expression for once not holding any amusement.

\- How dare you play a different game?

\- How dare you change…..

\- My rules?

Izaya's eyes flashed as he stalked through the streets of Ikebukuro, suppressed anger raging in his system.

\- Unpredictable.

\- Totally, utterly  _unpredictable_.

His thumb brushed against the sharp blade of his knife as he visualized stabbing the monster in his heart –

Full of an emotion that made Izaya want to spit onto the ground like a lowly thug.

\- This is why I hate you –

\- Heiwajima Shizuo.

 

**Ten minutes later**

\- Fine.

\- Fine. If you want to use Murphy's Law on me, you monster –

\- I'll play your game.

\- Only, I'll use a different law –

\- Newton's Law.

Izaya's lips curled up at their edges, his eyes glinting with familiar malice in the depths of their fury.

\- I'll show you, that every action has an equal reaction –

\- I'll hurt you. And then I'll kill you –

\- Even if it's the last thing I do

Izaya laughed. Laughed and laughed, threw back his head and let his laughter ring into the evening air –

\- That's right.

\- THAT'S RIGHT!

\- I'll kill him.

\- I'll kill Shizu-chan

\- Then I'll regain control again.

Izaya grinned like the maniac he was as he continued forward, in a much better mood than before.

\- The world is interesting precisely because it doesn't always go the way I want it to –

\- But you shouldn't even be in this world

Izaya's knife was in his hand as he strolled along, earning wary glances from the people around him.

He twirled the sharp blade with his lithe fingers.

\- You should die.

\- You should just die already, Heiwajima Shizuo.

\- So that this world will be full of only humans whom I love –

_Stab_

Gasps resounded and people backed away from the man who had stabbed a knife into a wall, his teeth clenched tightly as black hair covered his eyes –

\- I'll kill you myself, if I must.

The black haired male forcefully pulled the blade of the knife out of the wall and advanced forward, eyes raging with madness.

Even a serial killer would have felt apprehensive at the insanity in the grin which crossed the information broker's lips –

As he walked with measured steps as if already visualizing the blood from his victim -

\- I will eradicate you from this world, Monster.

 

**Twenty minutes later**

_A truck wouldn’t work –_

_So I’ll drop a building on him –_

_Wait, the cost would be troublesome_

_Maybe I’ll drop something that won’t be missed, like a crane tower_

_Or better, send an aeroplane crashing down on him_

_But what if he sends it flying back to the sky? Since he’s such a monster._

_Or I could kill the ones he loves, his precious brother and friends – Kasuka-kun, Vorona Douglanikov, well Akane-chan’s out, maybe Tom-san –_

_Since I can’t kill myself – while I’d love to see the pain at him losing the one he loves, or so he claims,_

_I’m not willing to die, especially not for that monster._

_Actually better yet I could pit the people he loves against each other!_

_Or pit him against the people he loves, his precious friends -_

_Heiwajima Shizuo against Vorona Douglanikov -_

_he doesn't know she's the assassin who kidnapped Akane-chan, that dumb brute_

_Or maybe I should get another supernatural being to kill him –_

_Saika? Celty? A Dullahan – the God of Death herself?_

_If Saika and Heiwajima Shizuo would kill each other, that would be wonderful!_

_Perhaps I could even get Hijiribe Ruri involved, getting her to kill Heiwajima Shizuo –_

_and getting him to kill her_

_– his own brother’s girlfriend –_

_It’ll be killing two birds with one stone!_

_I better not touch Celty, Shinra would murder me -_

_Not yet, at least._

 

  
Although these random thoughts ran through too fast for a normal person to catch, Izaya absorbed them, every possibility, every consequence, every possible plan, naturally and easily.

Unfortunately, before he could make his judgement, the neighing sound of a horse caught his attention –

Followed by the screeching sound of a motorbike –

  
\- Speak of the Devil.

The man whom humans would compare to the devil thought, his senses zeroing in on the inhuman being before him.

He plastered a smile onto his face as the rider in a black suit dismounted from the black motorbike.

His hands were slipped leisurely into the pockets of his fur trimmed jacket as he regarded the supernatural being with a bemused gaze.

"Ah, courier. What can I do for you?"

Celty did not reply. She took heavy steps towards Izaya, then reached out and slapped him.

"…!?"

Izaya stared, the last thing he had expected was a slap from the headless woman.

[YOU BASTARD!]

The PDA flashed viciously in front of his face.

Izaya wondered if the aliens Celty was so scared of had replaced her PDA with theirs. It certainly looked like it was going to grow a jaw with sharp teeth that would snap at his face.

[How could you do that?!]

"Do what?"

[Don't pretend!]

Celty was so angry her fingers were trembling, and she felt like screaming but she couldn't -

[HOW COULD YOU HURT SHIZUO?!]

 

"…Ah, so it has come."

Izaya spread his hands, an amused smile on his face -

"The White - or should I say, Black Knight."

His sly gaze moved to the black motorbike –

"Black Knight on a Black Horse! The Headless Black Knight! Hahaha! Shizu-chan isn't a damsel in distress you know."

"He's a monster – like you. Ah, you're rescuing your fellow monster from the evil clutches of the villain, aren't you? How amusing! But as you can see, my dear Headless Black Knight, I loathe to have him anywhere in my near vicinity."

"So it's no use coming to me – unfortunately I don't have strong enough chains to hold that monster down -"

[HE LOVES YOU!]

Celty had to struggle not to wrap her shadows and strangle Izaya, knowing Shizuo would not like that.

[EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE BASTARD AND HORRIBLE PERSON AND YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM AT ALL!]

"Now really, that's quite hurtful. Who's to say Shizu-chan deserves me?"

[DESERVE YOU?! OF COURSE HE FUCKING DESERVES YOU, IT'S YOU WHO DOESN'T DESERVE HIM!]

  
Celty was practically screaming wordlessly. If she had a voice, Izaya would have covered his ears.

[YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYONE, ESPECIALLY NOT A KIND MAN LIKE SHIZUO WHO LOVES YOU!]

"I don't care if that monster loves me! I HATE HIM!"

"…..…"

"I hate him so much."

Izaya gritted his teeth. Realizing Celty was not flashing words into his face, he inhaled, and gave her a smile, leaning back.

"So, before you accuse me of hurting him, why don't you consider my feelings? Just because he loves me doesn't mean I have a responsibility to return that disgusting love of his."

His eyes narrowed.

"Because I hate him. I hate Heiwajima Shizuo."

 

[Why do you hate Shizuo?]

Had Celty had a voice, those words would have been said in a cautious tone.

"Why do I hate him? There are so many reasons. But if you want to know, I just don't like him."

[What do you mean…you just don't like him?]

[I asked Shizuo why he hated you before…and he said the same thing too.]

Izaya felt annoyed. Not only had he had the same thought as a monster, Celty had used the past sense – "hated".

Which implied the monster didn't hate him anymore.

"How do I describe this feeling of just not liking someone? It's too troublesome to analyse these feelings for it'll make me angry like a certain monster."

Izaya smiled as if to warn the Headless Rider.

"So, don't ask anymore and just chalk it up to  _I just don't like him_ , okay? Courier-san."

[…Can I say something?]

"Sure."

With that affirmation, words were rapidly thrust into his face.

[You're lying.]

"Huh?"

[I don't know if you love Shizuo] Celty "said"

[But you don't hate him. If you hated him, why would you be troubled to analyse your own feelings? Is there something you don't want to see?]

 

"Really…."

Izaya's smile was sharp, contrasting the smoothness of his words.

"Is there some Dullahan ability I'm not aware of – the power to judge others' feelings better than they themselves can?"

[But you're not denying it]

"…What are you trying to say?"

[Shizuo said he just didn't like you before. But now, he's in love with you.]

Celty showed the words to Izaya.

[I've never seen him like this before.]

"Like what?"

Celty seemed to ignore him.

[Do you think…there's any chance you can return Shizuo's feelings?]

If she had been human, she would have sounded hopeful -

It disgusted Izaya. To think that a monster like Celty, a Dullahan like her was able to show such human emotion for someone other than Shinra - for the sake of a monster -

  
"No."

Izaya spat. He was smiling.

"I don't care about that monster's feelings. Go and tell him to fall in love with someone else, some woman maybe, like that Caucasian woman who's always with him, just not the man he's supposed to hate."

[That's like telling you to stop loving humans]

The words were jabbed in angrily, lacking punctuation.

[Or telling Shizuo to stop hating you before all this happened. You think Shizuo's emotions are that weak? You think Shizuo's love is that shallow? You think he'll stop loving you and love someone else just because he's told to?!]

Izaya leaned his head back so the PDA wouldn't hit his face.

[Whatever. I've had enough. I've tried my best to convince you but I see you're nothing but a heartless bastard.]

"I have a heart for everyone except monsters."

Izaya merely continued smiling as Celty walked away. He shrugged.

"There are so many people already caring for him even though he's such a monster, what makes you think I would be another?"

[…So that's it?]

"What is it?"

[You're jealous.]

Even though the words were far away, it was as if they were shoved into his face -

[You're jealous of Shizuo.]

"…Now you're just being ridiculous."

[I suppose I should pity you. The man you hate so much because you're envious of him is now in love with you. And he has told his love for you to his friends, like me.]

[He's sharing his love for you so openly, and soon, people you know but who don't like you will come talking to you about it]

Celty's words were getting more cruel, even to a man like Izaya.

[To convince you to give Shizuo a chance. Not because they like you, but because they care about him]

[Because they don't like you at all, but since you happen to be Shizuo's love now, they'll do it.]

Izaya had never thought non verbal words could make him feel such irritation.

[Otherwise, they wouldn't even talk to you at all. Because they don't like you. No one will like such a horrible person like you.]

"Is that supposed to hurt me? I don't care if no one likes me, I know I'm a horrible person. I deserve to be hated."

Izaya smiled self-deprecatingly, as if he was telling the truth for once.

"As long as I love my humans, I don't really care about petty things like "like". So if that was an attempt to convince me to give him a "chance", you've failed."

[Fine. You don't care? Let's say, Shizuo's love for you isn't that strong, and he finds a woman and falls in love with her, or he falls in love with that pretty blonde woman he's quite fond of.]

[Do you know what will happen?]

"Enlighten me."

[He'll leave you alone. He'll leave you all alone. He won't even bother getting angry or chasing you when he has more important things to do in his life, if he's in love with someone else.]

[When he has something to focus on, something to make him feel so good and happy, it'll be harder for him to get angry]

[No matter how much you bother him, no matter how much you try to get his attention, it won't work.]

Celty flashed the words mercilessly -

[And soon, he'll forget all about you.]

"That's impossible. He's hated me so much, for so long, he's always been chasing me since we met each other. There's no way he'll completely stop that all of a sudden, even if he's occupied with a woman."

[Why not? According to you, he's unpredictable, isn't he?]

[He wants peace the most, one day he'll realize you're not even worth his time]

[I've seen him grow soft for her. For Vorona. He still gets angry but he definitely cares for her. He's concerned whenever she gets injured. He talks fondly about her to me.]

[I didn't tell him this, since he told me he's in love with you, but I was actually hoping he would realize he loved her, and enter into a relationship just like the rest of us]

"Too bad he's not in love with her huh? It must be because she happens to be his first female friend besides you who's a monster like him."

Izaya was suddenly gleeful, all traces of annoyance he had felt at Celty's words gone from his eyes.

"He's in love with me."

The information broker laughed, as if Celty had just told him a joke instead of insulted him -

"I know! I'm the last person any of you expected him to fall in love with! What a joke! I'm not even a woman!"

"And if it causes that monster grief because I won't return his love, if it can hurt him like nothing has ever been able to do so, I'm happy! So don't worry, it's not that I'm not happy he's in love with me, I just don't return his horrible love!"

Izaya grinned widely, spreading his arms generously as if welcoming Shizuo's love.

 

[…You're impossible]

Izaya smiled brightly at the defeated tone in those words.

[Fine, be that way. Just don't come crying to Shinra later when you realize you're all alone.]

"Oh don't worry. I won't disturb your lovey dovey time with Shinra. I reckon this is just a phase, soon Shizu-chan will be trying to kill me again when he realizes I don't "love" him back. That will definitely trigger his anger. I'm looking forward to it!"

There was a smirk on Izaya's face, as if the only good thing about the monster's love for him was a new method to make him angry – or even angrier than usual.

[Honestly]

Celty flashed her PDA to the black haired man as she mounted her bike -

[You are going to end up all alone in the end.]

[And you're going to regret rejecting the only one who has ever cared about your existence]

Her fingers typed the words she knew would jab into the informant's heart -

[Even Shinra doesn't, by the way]

The sound of her motorbike speeding off was all that occupied the air for a while, as Izaya stared after her.

"Really…"

Izaya said.

"That was just cruel…courier-san."

"Using my only friend against me. Using the information I gave you against me."

The informant's hand was clenched into a tight fist.

"You're making me hate Shizu-chan even more."

A half pleased, half disturbed smile was on Izaya's lips.

"Because it's impossible for me to love a monster."

He turned his head to the sky, as if directing the question to the heavens, the emotion in his smile one only he would know.

Yet not acknowledge.

"Right?"

 

**A few days later, in an apartment in Shinjuku**

 

"Hey Namie, what is love?"

"Huh?"

"Love. Romance. Non-platonic affections for someone. This thing humans call "Love". What is it?"

The information broker rattled off what is known to be the strongest emotion in the world as if it was more of an entirely foreign entity to him than the monster he hated.

"…"

"I don't know love. I already love my humans, I love them so much. So why is there still "Love"? Why must there be another love in my life? Me, who loves humans more than they love each other. Can't have room in his heart for another love, right?"

Had Namie been looking, she would have seen Izaya throw his arms up and raise his gaze, as if he was looking at the heavens in the sky.

"You're a bastard so your heart's small, if it even exists. And I don't know who is crazy enough to fall in love with a maniac like you, but she's really something if she can make you question the notion of love."

Namie said stonily, not looking at Izaya.

"Why?"

"Because you've always believed your love is only for humans, and that there is no other love except for your humans. No other notion of love exists to you, or any other emotion. Except your hatred for Heiwajima Shizuo -"

Namie paused.

Silence engulfed the room. Slowly, the black haired woman turned to face the information broker who was looking off to the side.

"…It isn't some woman, is it? It's Heiwajima Shizuo. You're in love with him."

Namie said to her male employer who was for once not looking at her with that taunting gaze.

"I'm not in love with him. He's in love with me."

Izaya spoke as if he was trying to emphasize the obvious difference.

"He's in love with you. But you're also in love with him. Otherwise you wouldn't be questioning the notion of love. Love for a certain individual."

"I'm not gay, Namie."

"Did I say you were gay? You look like a bastard who can take advantage of a woman. Though you're also effeminate for a man. You're a confusing bastard, you know that?"

"Why thank you Namie, I live for that."

"So you're not gay, you claim you're asexual. You may be straight for all I care. Or bisexual. But whether you're straight, gay or bisexual or asexual, you're in love. Face it, Izaya. Face the facts."

Namie said as she sorted through the documents in her hands, speaking with a wry smirk on her face.

"You're an information broker, aren't you, Orihara Izaya? Why can't you face the information you've been given?"

"I can face information, I can do more than that, I can gather and manipulate and suit information to my own needs. To my own advantage."

"But emotions are different. It's not like those emotions I've been shown came from a human, they came from a monster. And….."

Izaya sounded so suddenly distant and nearly forlorn that Namie turned to look at him.

"I've never been in love before. How do I face love?"

"…Are you scared of being in love?"

"Maybe."

Izaya was speaking as if he was in a moment of honest clarity.

"Don't you fear what you don't know? But…"

Namie watched as he leaned back, raising his gaze into the sky outside.

"Shizu-chan's in love with me. Heiwajima Shizuo said he loved me. What do I do?"

He sighed, his eyes so sombre Namie felt a tinge of pity for him.

"Shizu-chan wouldn't say such a thing if it weren't true, he's frustratingly honest like that. So it must be true. Does that mean he won't try to kill me anymore? That he'll stop chasing me? What does one do when he's in love?"

"You should be happy he's in love with you."

Namie said in a matter of fact tone. Izaya looked at her and she continued.

"What does one do when he's in love? He pays more attention to the person. Isn't that why boyfriends give girlfriends all their attention? Why women are insecure about their feelings for men? So since Heiwajima Shizuo is in love with you, your precious "Shizu-chan" is in love with you, shouldn't you be happy? You've always wanted his attention, right?"

"You don't care if your humans don't pay attention to you, but you make sure Heiwajima Shizuo does, you want his attention so much that you go and make him mad just to have him focus on you."

Namie gave an unladylike snort as she recalled the things Izaya had done to trick Shizuo and make him mad at him.

"If you really wanted to kill him there's a lot of other ways besides attacking him. If you give me enough money, I could make you a poison lethal enough to kill that man. Isn't that easier? Killing him from the inside."

 

"Killing him from the inside…"

It was as if something had lit up in the informant's mind. Namie turned slowly.

"Namie, you just gave me a great idea."

"…I regret speaking now."

Izaya laughed. He leaned back and released loud laughter into the air.

"That's right! Killing him from the inside. Destroying from the inside."

His eyes gleamed, a smirk on his lips, and the expression on his face was as if he was already imagining the scene, with malice so great it sent a chill down Namie's spine.

"After all, love is in the heart, right? That's what humans say anyway. So…if Shizu-chan loves me, I can destroy him. This time….."

His body was starting to tremble in excitement, and the grin on his face widened.

"I can kill him! I can destroy him with words. I can finally..…finally…"

Laughter bubbled up from Izaya's throat, rising and rising in pitch with a dangerous timbre.

"GET RID OF HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!"

"HAHAHAHAHA! AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA!"

It seemed Izaya was not able to control his excitement anymore at the monster's demise. Even Namie felt a little apprehensive.

The informant's malevolent and delighted laughter was the only thing that filled the expanse of the office for minutes.

 

 

"…Are you done?"

The words from the black haired woman were said almost cautiously.

The black haired man let a final chuckle escape his lips, then turned and smirked. He stood up from his seat, shrugging his coat onto his shoulders.

"I really love you Namie. You're a horrible woman, but you're an interesting human. The way you're able to think of such a simple but deadly method! Ah! You just reminded me of why I love humans! You've surpassed my expectations!"

Namie said nothing. Izaya turned and graced her with a smile.

"I'm going out. If I happen to meet that monster, and if this idea really works, I might just raise your pay."

"You better."

"Of course! I'm a man of my word."

Izaya gave one final smirk, then turned and stepped out of the door.

"Have dinner ready when I get back! We can celebrate the demise of Heiwajima Shizuo!"

"Then…then…this world will FINALLY BE FULL OF ONLY HUMANS WHOM I LOVE! Hahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

With a final laugh, Izaya closed the door. Namie could still hear his laughter as it gradually faded.

The woman turned back to the documents on the table, scanning them with practiced eyes.

"And here I thought he sounded human for a moment."

 

 

_Chapter 4 END_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness, been busy and all. Well we're reaching the end of the first arc and then I wont' be able to update once a week anymore...not that I have been doing so lol.
> 
> Well I am mystified as to how this story suddenly has 2k+ views?! I'm gone and then I come back then suddenly...! How did that happen, I'm not a famous author or anything!
> 
> And so yeah, I was watching the new episodes (I didn't even have time to watch the fourth episode until this weekend) and Shizuo is awesome he really is like, or, he is novel Shizuo. And omg Vorona at the end, Celty good thing you don't have a head! I like the way Vorona was introduced, she is an assassin first and foremost after all.
> 
> But Shizuo. Oh Shizuo. I love his new peaceful voice and shaggy blond hair! The way he doesn't seem like a threat at all with his thin build and distracted state. He really is novel Shizuo and I love it. I always had some trouble imagining Shizuo in a scene, like, I felt he should sound more peaceful but I only had anime Shizuo's voice as reference, so this is just perfect. Uh I kind of imagine the scenes in my head, voices and movements and all as I write, so...(must be why the story is so long)...
> 
> I mean Shizuo sounds calm even when they're running from the police and Akane is clinging onto him how cool is that! INTP indeed hahahahaha. Especially when compared to Tom-san's panicking voice Lol! Oh my god I adore Shizu-chan all over again (maybe it's because of his thin build and blank, innocent look but he does seem more like 'Shizu-chan' now)!
> 
> Actually the voice actors are what makes this new season so amazing, compared to season 1 they sound so different, there's nuances I can't quite put my finger on but you can tell they're different. The only description I can give is that they sound more like their novel characters - Namie has more emotion and amusement, Izaya sounds more childishly malevolent and more human, Shizuo is the epitome of peaceful, Celty is a beautiful, determined, 'not-tsundere' even Kasuka as well as Shiki has more emotion and Tom is more animated and Kadota aka Dotachin has what's that word - sass, a certain arrogant cockiness (but for the better good!). I may be exaggerating but it sounds as if they read their novel characters and adjusted accordingly or something. And the new characters certainly even out the playing field. Kida is already changing (I had no idea he could sound so emotionless), I hope Mikado will be able to match him! 'Cause Mikado is the most boring to me so far, even Aoba is more exciting than him.
> 
> Sorry for the rambling Ahhh I need to get cracking on the second arc lol. How I wish I had more time!
> 
> And I'm really flattered by the comments, no this is not the end and wow confessions of love and a proposal LOL. Thanks for the love but I'm already married to my writing we have a love-hate relationship LOL xD
> 
> Haha but really, thanks for the support! :) I'd reply individually but I thought you guys would prefer a chapter instead ne~?


	11. Chapter 11

 

**INTERLUDE**

**KARISAWA ERIKA - DARK HORSE**

 

 

Orihara Izaya is a free spirit. He's always in control, of his life, his emotions. He has a job he loves doing, he has money to spend on whatever he wants, he loves to control humans to see their reactions. He loves their reactions so he claims to love humans.

You, on the other hand, you're not as free as Izaya. You're not a control freak. You're more grounded and level-headed, when you're not angry. You're always very honest with your emotions, you're honest with your words, your actions.

Izaya hates that. He hates your honesty. He hates the things you make him feel. He hates how you're unpredictable and make him lose control. He hates the effect you have on him. He's a person who controls and yet he's being controlled by you. You make him feel emotions he can't control. That's why he said he hates you.

Yet you can be as free as Izaya, you're free with your anger. And that's why Izaya likes to see you angry, he wants to see you lose control like how you make him lose control.

You're the strongest man in Ikebukuro. You're the Fighting Doll. So you can do whatever you want. Like Izaya. Yet you can rein Izaya in when he goes too far. And Izaya – loving Izaya makes you feel at peace now that you understand why he has such an effect on you.

So, it's the same with Izaya. Honestly speaking, I think he doesn't hate you. He just hates the effect you have on him. He considers you in relation to the effect you have on him personally. Just like you in the past, before you realized you loved him.

He doesn't know why you make him lose control, and Izaya hates not knowing things. He's an information broker and he has to know everything, especially things about himself. You and Izaya are actually quite similar. You both hate to lose control – you over your strength and Izaya over his emotions. You two hate to lose control over the things that are such a great part of you.

That's why, you have to give Izaya time. I can't promise he will love you back. Let's be realistic and say he doesn't secretly love you. But let's also be more realistic and say he doesn't actually hate you. He has no reason to, not when you give him the attention he so desperately wants. Whether it's love or not, whether he's denying hate to be love like you did, you'll just have to wait and find out.

Because Izaya is a planner, he's always several steps ahead of everyone. Except you. You seem to be steps behind him, and then suddenly you're ten steps ahead of him.

And if he's in love with you – that'll definitely be something he never planned. And it'll only frustrate him more and cause him to deny the feelings which affect him so, in his heart.

Izaya is a liar. He lies all the time. And he lies especially to himself. What he wants most is not to love humans – because he already does that. He already has that love for humans.

And Izaya is also human. And what every human wants, especially someone hated like Izaya is, is to not be alone. But he is, he is alone. You're the only one who pays attention to him no matter how much time passes and he hates how that makes him feel.

That's why, don't give up on Izaya, Shizuo. Don't give up no matter how much he pushes you away.

That's right. Him taunting and mocking and manipulating you, that's his way of pushing you away. That's the sort of person Izaya is, he loves humans unilaterally because he doesn't want to let anyone close to his heart.

But once you can accept that, you'll be able to see past him and all his lies. His words won't affect you anymore when you can see his emotions which he's tried to hide.

Izaya has never actually had anyone, he doesn't have friends like you do. No one has stayed with him. So be the first, and show him you love him and you're not going away. Use your strength – not your physical strength, but the strength of your feelings and your honesty which Izaya doesn't know how to deal with.

Break through the confining walls around his heart. But don't push too hard. Try to hold back. Izaya doesn't seem like it, but he's fragile. He's more fragile than a normal person, simply because he has never lost control before, except with you. And he'll do all sorts of things he doesn't mean to get it back. And that's when he'll get all defensive with his manipulative words and close his untouched heart again.

And, if you ever manage to get into a relationship with him, don't break his heart. Even if you suddenly decide you don't love him anymore. If that ever happens, break it to him gently. Even if it seems he doesn't love you.

Because he may actually do. He just doesn't know how to say it. He doesn't even know friendship, much less love.

I'm sure you remember the pain when Izaya rejected you. Take that pain, and multiply it by itself a thousand times –

-That would be one tenth of the pain Izaya would feel if you ever break his heart. You would hurt him so badly it would take him a while to even put himself back together again. To even find the scattered pieces of himself before he can even attempt to put himself back together.

Hm? I know. You're not one to do that. You would never hurt someone intentionally, physically or emotionally. But no offence, you don't exactly have the best control over your temper. You may say things you don't mean to say. And they may hurt Izaya more than you think. Because you're significant to him, you stand out in his life whether he likes it or not. He may be affected by your words more than you think.

…

Haha! It's no problem, Shizuo! I'm surprised you came to me for advice. But I'm glad.

Well, I'm not Izaya so it may not be entirely accurate, but it sounds like him, doesn't it?

Because, just because it's fantasy doesn't mean it's not reality.

Who knows, if you try hard enough, if you believe with all your heart –

Your fantasy may just become reality.

Eh? How?

Well…..

Fiction and reality are equally valuable.

Someone once said, "God created the world." And because someone said that, although it was at that time fiction because it wasn't proven yet, people started to believe the idea that the world they lived in was created by a being called "God." So much that it became common knowledge for humans.

And it still isn't proven there is actually a God, though we use his name as a scapegoat when bad things happen to us, don't we? We blame God when something bad happens.

So whether it's true that God exists or not, people believe it to be true. That's why we have so many different religions in the world. It's a matter of belief and faith.

But back to the point! So, say God exists – which seems to be the common conception; that it's because of him that we exist.

And our existence is real, right? Yes, your existence is real, Heiwajima Shizuo. No matter how illogical you think it is.

You're real.

So our existence is real – but it wouldn't be real if it weren't for 'God' would it? We weren't real before God imagined us and created us. Even while God imagined us with the most apt visualization, we were still fiction. Because we weren't present in existence.

We were fiction, and we're now reality.

So – isn't imagination –fiction, the basis of reality? If Einstein hadn't come up with such scientific breakthrough ideas, our reality now would be different. To him then – no matter how brilliant his ideas were, it was still fiction. It didn't exist in reality. And so he sought to make it exist in reality. Isn't that how Science and this world advances through time?

Considering that, how can fiction not be as valuable as reality?

How can there not be a possibility that fiction will turn into reality?

….Eh, did you get that, Shizu-chan? You look lost. Sorry, I meant, Shizu-Shizu!

You did? Sort of? Oh, that's good then!

….So….what did I say?

…Yeah. Yeah, something like that!

Eh? So you mean…..

Reality comes from fictional ideas because ideas generate possibility and our reality is just one possibility made up of various other possibilities?

…..

Wow! Amazing! Shizu-chan's actually quite smart! You basically summarized my thoughts! Izayan would be impressed!

That's right, for example if Einstein didn't introduce the possibility of his scientific theories to the world our reality right now would not be what it was, would it? It would be lacking that possibility that made it that one possibility amongst many other possibilities this world could have been.

As he said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand."

Heh, great minds think alike, Shizuo!

Ahhh, I think Dotachin is calling me, so I have to go. Bye Shizu-chan! It was nice talking to you!

….Hm?

How did I meet Dotachin? Well, it's a long story!

…..Let's just say I understand Izaya because I'm a little like him. No I don't love humans like he does, but I'm not the person you see me as. I've done worse things than he has.

Awwww, I'm a good person? You're so sweet, Shizuo. But really, I'm not the person you think I am.

There's a reason why Izayan doesn't mess with me, you know? I'm more yandere than he is.

Because, just like fantasy can become reality –

Reality can actually be just a fantasy.

Hehe! But of course, I hope, for your case, Shizuo –

That your fantasy becomes your reality.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I have no excuse, just that I just started on the second arc and the first arc was ending (and now it's ended) and so I wouldn't be able to update weekly anymore...so I thought updating late wouldn't have made a difference...? But I guess I put it off for too long.....lol...
> 
> Sorry if the chapter is short and wasn't what you expected...but it is just an interlude...


	12. Chapter 12

 

**PRELUDE B**  
_**EYE OF THE STORM** _

 

"Shizu-chan!"

Residents of Ikebukuro stilled at the sound of that nickname for the Monster of Ikebukuro –

Who was walking as if he had not heard Orihara Izaya's voice.

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya's smirk had faltered slightly, "Hey, Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo seemed to still not hear him, even though his friends had stopped and turned.

"Uh, Shizuo…?"

"The flea is present, Shizuo-sempai."

"Ah."

Shizuo finally stopped. He turned- walked forward towards Izaya and people prepared to flee –

And smiled.

"Hey, Izaya. Good morning. You're here early today."

"…"

"…"

"…?!"

"Good…morning?"

Izaya stared as if he was seeing the Monster of Ikebukuro for the first time.

"Nice morning, isn't it? How was your day?"

"Good? I had to wake up early to meet a client, but that's fine since I started the day by observing one of my beloved humans…"

"Yeah. It's troublesome to wake up early, but it helps you start your day right."

Shizuo agreed with Izaya's words heartily, as if he and Izaya were mutual friends whom had known each other for a long time.

"Of course. You shouldn't waste the day away by lying in bed, it's boring –"

Izaya paused, as a taunting smirk came to his face –

"Why do that when I can come to see Shizu-chan who's such a monster he shouldn't exist?"

"Really? You came to see me? That kind of makes me happy."

Shizuo was smiling and the happiness in his eyes was visible even behind his sunglasses.

"…."

…What the hell is happening?

Izaya was as lost as the people around him.

"Don't get me wrong Shizu-chan. I didn't come to see you – I came to see you be the monster you are. It's so fun to mess with Shizu-chan, you know?"

Those words came out as it was the only thing he could think of to say.

"Is it?" Shizuo said.

There was no trace of anger on his expression.

"Is that why you mess with me? If that's the case, it doesn't seem so bad anymore. It's like a hobby for you, right? It makes you happy, right? Does it make you smile? I kind of want to see you smile, Izaya."

With every sentence, the smile on Shizuo's face grew until he was smiling at Izaya as if he believed that would make Izaya smile back at him.

"…I don't know what game you're playing Shizu-chan -"

Izaya's eyes were narrowed and his tone had changed from teasing to one of extreme annoyance.

"But it isn't funny. There's a nice vending machine beside you there, why don't you throw it at me?"

"Why should I?"

"Because you hate me. You hate me, Shizu-chan, right?"

"How can I hate you when I love you?"

"…Shizu-chan. Stop it. You don't want to see me when I'm pissed off."

"I wouldn't mind. I've never really seen you pissed off before, but when you love someone, you accept all sides of them, right?"

"Ah that."

Izaya's smile twisted cruelly.

"That's what I came here for today. Since Shizu-chan has so shamelessly declared his love, allow me to say –"

He swept out a hand casually, but his gaze was as sharp as his knives.

"I hate Shizu-chan. I really hate Shizu-chan. I will never love Shizu-chan back. Because Shizu-chan is a monster who should just die already. If Shizu-chan wants to see me smile, he should just die."

"Can't. If I die I won't be able to see you smile. So I should just find another way to make you smile."

Shizuo illogically said, as if he feared not death but not being able to see his hate turned love.

"That isn't the point! What the hell, Shizu-chan?! Do you even know what you're saying?! I really, really hate you!"

It was now Izaya whom had lost his patience and started yelling at the man he hated with all his heart as people watched in surprised silence at the role reversal.

"It doesn't matter if you hate me. I love you. Whether you hate me or love me, I love you."

Shizuo said those words with a simplicity as if there could be no other way, as if there was just him and Izaya and they were not surrounded by the whispering residents of Ikebukuro.

"Are you really that retarded?! You just got rejected! I just rejected you! Shouldn't you be angry?!"

Had Izaya not been so angry, he would have been appalled at himself for stomping forward like the beast he hated.

"You already rejected me. So it doesn't matter if it happens again."

Shizuo pointed out with calm acceptance.

Izaya was close enough to grab hold of Shizuo's bartender shirt. He was unable to lift the taller man, and so he settled for glaring daggers at brown eyes, fingernails digging into the fabric of Shizuo's shirt.

"You. Piss me off."

"…Sorry. I'm just saying what I feel."

Shizuo said as he met Izaya's eyes with honest brown eyes. He curled his fingers around Izaya's hand, leaning forward slightly.

"My heart is kind of beating fast right now. If you don't move away, I'll be tempted to kiss you. Up close, you're really beautiful. Izaya."

The honesty in Shizuo's eyes remained unchanged, despite such cheesy words that could be found in a romance novel or shoujo manga.

Izaya grimaced and shot back, pulling out one of his knives.

"I think you hit your head. I think you hit your head really, really hard, Heiwajima Shizuo."

Izaya's lips had curled into a snarl as he flashed his teeth at the monster who had teeth that could break metal.

"…Did I, Tom-san?"

"Not…as far as I know of."

Tom said slowly, unsure what to make of this new predicament as Shizuo looked at him with genuine curiosity.

"You piss me off." Izaya said, "You really piss me off, Shizuo."

His body was trembling –

In anger.

"Get out of my sight. Now."

The sharp blade was pointed in a direct line to Shizuo's heart.

"…I was this bad huh. It's a good thing you aren't in love with me. I guess getting lunch together was really a wistful dream, huh?"

Without waiting for a reply, as if he was talking to himself, Shizuo started walking away from Izaya.

"Then, I'll see you another time, Izaya. Let's go, Tom-san, Vorona."

"A-Ah, yeah…"

"…Affirmative."

"I hate you! I REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU, HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!"

Shizuo didn't even look back at him and the knife left Izaya's hand- flying towards Shizuo and piercing his back.

Shizuo merely continued walking, until Vorona tugged at his sleeve, then pulled the knife out of his back and showed it to him. He blinked, then shrugged and took it from her, sliding it into his pocket.

 

For the first time in his life, Izaya was overcome with the urge to scream.

But he was aware of the whispers around him, and he gritted his teeth and stalked through the crowd, glaring at anyone who dared to even glance at him.

Using his parkour skills, he leapt on top of a sign which Shizuo had not thrown at him, then used that as leverage to jump to the wall of a building, scaling up it effortlessly.

His phone was in his hand as his thumb jabbed the buttons, a scowl on his face.

The phone rang twice and he waited impatiently -

"What is it?"

"Go to my computer. Documents, Information, scroll down to Heiwajima Shizuo."

"…Password?"

"Shizu-chan."

"Then?"

"Go to his description. Right at the very top, type in bold the following words. 'In love with Orihara Izaya, refuses to be angered- requires new tactic.'"

Despite running on top of the building at a fast pace, his voice was curt and lacking breathlessness – and its usual silky quality.

"And then?"

Namie sounded amused.

"Don't laugh. This is important information, for me to deal with that unpredictable monster. Exit. In the folder, there's a ZIP file. Unzip it, extract it to the folder Heiwajima Shizuo. Open it and give me the first ten numbers you see."

"I'll message you. I take it your plan didn't work?"

"You won't be getting a raise."

Those were the words Izaya said before he ended the call before Namie could reply.

His phone vibrated in his hand and he accessed the message, dialing the first number immediately.

"Who the hell is this?"

The scowl on Izaya's face was replaced with a malicious smile tinged with underlining frustration.

"Someone who will help you get your revenge on Heiwajima Shizuo."

 

 

The Monster of Ikebukuro.

Heiwajima Shizuo.

The name that strikes fear into the hearts of all men in Ikebukuro.

Why, one might ask.

But must there be a 'why'?

Do you need a reason to fear something?

It's like a phobia. There may have been a reason, but it was forgotten. So it's like you can't even think of a reason, can't think of anything but the fear.

He's like that.

He's like a phobia. People fear him just because. The sound of his name has their hearts beating faster in anxiety and fear. And when they're in his vicinity all reason leaves them because of the fear.

They can talk. They can talk about taking him down all they want. They can boast, they can plan.

But when the time comes when they actually meet him, when he's staring them in the eye, they freeze. They sweat. They panic.

They fear.

All their preparation crumbles away. And they're scared. They're scared because they know they made a mistake, and they can't escape.

Something like –

A black hole.

He's like a black hole. Heiwajima Shizuo.

Just like humans can't cross the event horizon of a black hole, humans can't cross the line with Heiwajima Shizuo.

The event horizon, or, 'the point of no return', where the gravitational pull is so great that escape is impossible.

Nothing can escape the event horizon, not even light.

He's like that, isn't he? Once you cross the line with him, there's no escape. They can only wait and fear and pray, in the moment leading to inevitable destruction.

It may not be entirely their fault. When undisturbed, he seems like a normal man. He seems like a calm, peaceful man, perhaps a little dense and oblivious. He doesn't seem like anyone of threat.

Black holes destroy with tidal forces. The point depends on the black hole's size.

I would say he's a supermassive black hole. For such a dangerous vortex at the galaxy's center, the point lies within the event horizon. Simply put, a human may cross the event horizon without noticing anything until it's too late. Simply put, they can cross the 'point of no return' without knowing until it's too late. Because once inside the event horizon, falling towards the center is unavoidable.

He's so calm and composed at first glance that people let down their guard around him. They drop their defences while not even knowing they're crossing the point of no return until they're 'sphagettified'.

…My apologies. I meant, spaghettification, the extreme tidal forces of a black hole stretching a human like spaghetti. Which is an euphemism really. In actual fact, objects will be destroyed and humans killed as the tidal forces tear apart molecules.

Sounds rather painful, doesn't it?

A black hole, something with no end, something whose sole purpose is destruction.

Who else but the God of Destruction would fit such a role?

But, he wasn't always like that.

Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't always a black hole.

He started out as a Star, a really big star bursting with potential.

Still rather common. There are billions of stars in the universe, and when you look up into the night sky, you can already see thousands.

Kind of like humans.

But I digress. So, Heiwajima was just one of many stars. A particularly big star, but not the only one.

And then he grew. He grew and grew. His strength grew and grew until he couldn't contain it anymore.

Do you know how stars die?

They die by exploding. A supernova explosion.

The massive star he was died early. It grew and grew until it became unbearable for him, until he couldn't control it anymore.

There are three paths stars can go when they die.

They can become a white dwarf if they're light weight stars, like the Sun. Until the light fades away to a black dwarf.

For heavy weight stars, they can become a neutron star, if their mass is not enough to overcome the neutron degeneracy pressure.

And if their mass is enough, they will become black holes.

Just like humans, stars can't choose their fate. Their death is inevitable.

But being a massive star, the moment he exploded, he was to become a black hole.

It was the only way he could go.

Perhaps, if Heiwajima Shizuo had been a different person, or if his strength had been given to someone else, someone who could control himself better, perhaps that massive potential wouldn't have burst so early.

Perhaps it wouldn't have destroyed him until he had to use it to destroy everything around him.

He didn't ask for his strength. He didn't ask to have that superhuman strength, like how massive stars didn't ask to be born big.

He didn't ask for it. But he had it. He had it, and was stuck with it. If he had been less of a good man, or a more cunning person, maybe it would have been beneficial to him. Perhaps he could have used it for his own self-interests.

But Heiwajima Shizuo is not that kind of man.

Unlike a certain someone I won't mention.

And because he was exactly the kind of man he was, he became a black hole.

Never seen, yet widely known.

And once seen, a little too close, only destruction awaits.

But despite everything, Heiwajima Shizuo is human. There are people he cares about, people he would never hurt even if he has to destroy himself first.

The difference between a Black Hole and Heiwajima Shizuo is, a Black Hole is a Physics Phenomenon and Heiwajima Shizuo is a Human Phenomenon.

And being human, Heiwajima Shizuo can fall in love.

But with a catalyst, with a little tweaking of strings by the mastermind behind the scene –

Even love can turn dangerous with Heiwajima Shizuo –

Just like he is.

The centre may be as calm as the man you see.

But the storm inside his heart is quite the contrary.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I have an announcement to make...from now on I won't be updating this story on this site anymore.
> 
> Yeah so this will be the last chapter posted here. I decided to post here because I wanted to gain back interest in this story, like maybe posting will help me think more about it 'cause you gotta check before you post stuff right? Well I do. And yeah I liked the format here and all....but you can read in different fonts there now so...
> 
> But somehow I keep on forgetting to update 'cause I have to juggle other things already. And I think it's unfair to readers here. I've received some very nice comments and I'm glad people are enjoying this story, but updating twice is a bit tedious...
> 
> So yeah, long story short I won't be updating here anymore but you can find this story on fanfiction.net under the same name (story name, not author name). One notice though, it actually has a lot of looooooong author notes there for my analysis for the novel and characters (like the MBTI one but longer) so...you don't have to read them if you don't want to.
> 
> Thank you for reading up to this point here. This story has reached up to the point it has on fanfiction.net so I hope you enjoy the update whenever it comes. For those not familiar with that site my tumblr name is zephyrsus, there's a link to my account on my blog (just click the picture with shizuo and izaya and the white cat)
> 
> Thanks for reading and see you there!


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